This is a Whole Lot of Nothing! While I’m at it Let Me Throw in a System!!! [LitRPG System Satire]

[Disclaimer: This story will likely offend everyone. It won't break ToS here, but it won't be nice either. You have been warned]

Chad was a bored handsome man. Worse, he was a bored, sickly rich, handsome man. Chicks on call. Dudes to hang out with and parents who gave him everything. A glorified Yes Man (everyone said 'Yes!' to), so much so his nickname was Sultan. And what could possibly entertain a bored man who has it all?

PEEK CUT"Master. I am your genie. You can wish for anything. Girls...""Too much trouble." Chad yawned and glanced at the floating ghost of the fat man, who had invaded his bedroom.The genie rubbed his chin with a musing thought. "Maybe boys are your thing?"Chad frowned and screwed up his face. He tossed a pillow angrily at the man.The genie laughed."If you're useless. I'll toss your lamp into a burning pit and watch it melt into a puddle." Chad grumbled through another yawn."Fine. Fine. Then..." The genie held out a mysteriously glowing pack of cards. A magical wonder Chad had never seen before, and couldn't help but be curious."Let's play a game of Fate. If you win, you will be the ruler of all!!" A maniacal glow tinkled within the genie's amber eyes as he held the deck before him.