Bright Night Online

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Left in the wilderness, a baby boy is found by a special type of beast, the shadow wolf. He quickly grew, learned their way of life to became accepted by the entire pack, and gained the name White Shadow. This way of life continued, until a strange creature appeared. Calling itself """"Sherman"""", the boy learned of the outside world and humans, and persuaded by his wolf mother to experience life with his own kind, left to civilization. Though White was a little bit different from living with shadow wolves, he was quickly introduced to a new virtual reality game by Sherman, who was one of those responsible for creating the game. How will White Shadow fare in the game, and will he become the wolf that he has always believed he has been?--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I am new to writing and i would like people to tell me if they like my story or what i could improve so i can become better at it.Credits to : Leafyeyes417 For the synopsis.Warning : Mature content contains sexual and violent descriptions and will contain lots of blood and gore. 18+ reccomended :3

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2015
Author: Derp

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.9/ 5.0
Followers: 122
Views: 32,555

Chapters(12 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(2)

DerpRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Soo because almost no one gives me any reviews i decided to do one myself, you may think ’what a loser’ and what not but i am taking this serious and after re-reading my chapters ( until chapter 5) i found out my characters have little development and that is because i am not that creative/good in thinking of complicated stuff.
i also think that the story it self is quite interesting but that i am not really that good in bringing it to words.
my grammar is not the worst but also not the best and i can see that i have a lot i have to improve.
the styple .. what can i say .. its not horrible ? i think my writing style is above average but not perfect.
Hope you guys will also give me some reviews. Thanks!
EjsarvnRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
Style: Honestly I don’t know how to review such a thing but I liked your writing style in the beginning compared to the one used in later chapters. The one used right now feels a bit forced and unnatural when I read it then again it might just be me.
Story: At first I thought this was a wuxia kind of story but it turned out to be VR. The story itself is quite simple but has some potential. While the story itself is going in a pretty linear path right now it can still become interesting just not in the way you the author might think. My answer is the world, a world filled with mana, cultivating animals, and mages. Is just a bunch of untapped potential just waiting to be released. Explaining things like the use of magic other than a substitute of electricity or just the general position of mages in society. The ways you can do this is quite simple just send him to school. Depending how you play your cards of course. Then again these are just random ideas from me just food for thought. The way I see your story right now is a badass’s journey in a VR world to the top which is also interesting on it’s own too.
Grammar:Not the best but not the worse ether you make minor mistakes in capitalization on your i’s and names but it’s getting better slowly but surely.
Character: This also depends on how you play your cards on this one. Your character right now is a person without any common sense about the world and is like a child entering a new world innocent and clueless about the world around him which is why I suggested you to send him to school(Although it’s actually just me wanting to see the world around him) Right now it’s too early to see any character development so I’ll hold off on that for now . Cough cough* really I want you to send him to school I can just imagine the magic battle and the potential character development happening there. Of course this is just me saying my random over dramatic ideas to you in the end it’s your story everything is up to you.
What p