Unending War

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

A journey of life, of death; of friendship, of enmity; of courage, of cowardice; of loyalty, of betrayal; of power, of corruption in this eternal, unending war.

Cover edited at Canva, using a photo taken by myself.

Information

Status: Completed
Year: 2021
Author: Little Racoon

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.9/ 5.0
Followers: 25
Views: 45,052

Reviews

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Community Reviews(10)

ChiruschkaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Like the title says, "A good popcorn Novel." What do I mean by this? If you read it, it is pretty entertaining. Still, it doesn't give you "substance" like a political struggle, ethical questions, or philosophical quandaries (maybe I need to read further to come across something like this).
I always like to take Novels for what they are and don't try to imagine what they could be - This is an excellent and straightforward adventure (I see it at least like so) story—nothing fancy and nothing too abstract.
The world-building lacks a bit, but you can ignore it quite well because of its consistency - there is enough to imagine everything you need but a little more would not kill as this is Fantasy/Sci-Fi. The Character is well written, not too fleshed out, though. Kavlina, for example, is, all the same, the whole time - a simple character for a simple story element for the MC. It works fine.
The grammar is good; I can follow the story well (I can never really write much about it as if it's good, you don't have anything to say about it.
I really find it annoying sometimes was the nickname for the MC "Lel" every time I read it, I thought it meant something like "LoL," but this is my fault, and this is just a remark without rating.
I would honestly give the Novel something like 4.6, but I can't, so I give it 4.5 - good job!
Consistent MilkRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Okay. This is the type of story I would like to call anime-esque. Not a masterpiece of literary work, but it was funny and interesting in its own way. This type of over the top story telling and 'blank' protagonists can only be found in anime. Some will like it, some will find it preposterous.
First of all - The conversations are outlandish. REALLY OUTLANDISH.
Secondly - Too many coincidences occur in the first three chapters -
coincidences that are directly tied to the development of the story.
Thirdly - Now the 'blank' protagonist. He is just there for the writer to throw whatever the writer wants to throw at him, to use him in whatever way it is necessary to progress the story. He doesn't feel like a character but more like a plot device.
BullerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Who names their kid Faresønn and think it's a good idea? Maybe the Swedes, which will likely have been their only good idea in the last century. The naming scheme in this story is quite peculiar, with close to no names being anywhere near the standard. Is this a bad thing? Of course not! Different names, descriptions, and ways of life help bring immersion, and I see no reason to hate on such choices.
Also like the references. Very nice. 4.5/5 from me.
MrNobodyisHome (E. Anderson)Royal Road
★★★★ 4.0
For starters, I like it. I want to be as candid as possible, so yeah, I was reading hoping for the moment to come where I was consuming the story not out of some weird internal obligation, but out of genuine joy. And that time did come! I started having a blast reading due to the author's good pacing, although simultaneously it is also a problem that I have with the fiction.
Things seem to pop out of virtually nowhere without any hints whatsoever leading up to it, and it makes it feel as though it had been improvised on the fly, which I know isn’t the case because many elements the author introduces in the story have been clearly thought out. I think it could benefit from just a little more foreshadowing. The reveals are cool and all, but seriously, they come out of nowhere without any noticeable build up towards it. Maybe, it is just me and my dense brain that isn’t good at picking up on subtle hints.
As for the characters. I think they are good from what I’ve seen so far, but I find the main to be a little stale. Avalel is a bit bland to me. I'd say he needs the most work to avoid being compared to a JRPG protagonist, or worse... a visual novel protagonist. Gasp!
I think this is the one story I've read off RR so far without any glaring grammar mistakes. There's even a suspicious lack of typos (I literally found one, or maybe it is just me being bad at reading...). So great job to the author on that!
I think the author's biggest strength that is carrying the story and prompting me to continue reading is the world building, although it is a bit bothersome when they introduce a concept or a creature without much elaboration on it. The author's imaginative capabilities show in their pose, which I think is good. They are good at describing and using sentences to pull you into the story, but maybe they overuse the word “suddenly” just like how I am overusing the word “maybe”. In all fairness, this is just the beginning of the story. I still think that 10 chapters are no
A V DalcourtRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
The writer stated in the fiction that we're reading a draft, so I'm treating my review as though I've read a draft and not an intended finished work.
Overall the writer has a solid grasp on who her characters are and the story she wants to tell. It just needs a little bit of refinement to help the story and those characters stick to the reader's thoughts.
Story: There are a lot of things going on with this story which I very much enjoy, but tend to be negatively affected by the writing style. It's on the verge of being a conversation about technology and tradition - but doesn't quite get there, which I would have loved, but I have to accept the story for how it is right now, and not what I wish it were.
Or hero meets a strange girls, and for reasons that aren't really made clear the strange girl starts training him. 4-years later, war breaks out and our hero discovers that everything he has known was a lie. This is where the story really starts to take off.
Style: This is where I get a little critical. Through out the story it's hard to say if there's a pacing issue or a scene issue. The scenes themselves run at a pretty decent pace, they flow nicely, and then BAM we swtich to a different scene. It's like the writer got bored of the scene or didn't know what to add. In a nut shell, there's some transitioning issues between the scenes.
That said each scene is rather vivid, with the exception of the background and setting which we have to fill in a lot of the missing information, we follow the characters and their actions in rapid succession in a way that's pretty easy to follow.
The last point of note is there is no foreshadowing. When there's a massive character development reveal, it's just dropped on us. There's no lead up, no hint, no mystery. We don't have a chance to wonder about 'oh I wonder what that means? Or what so and so is hiding?' which sort of takes away the potential emotional investment for the characters and their journey.
Character: Each character
Blind_WatcherRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
The story is a bit rough in places, and I personally don't like the narrative perspective or choice of character names. However, it's obvious that the author cares about the story and is making attempts at improving it as they go and is showing signs of improvement.
Rewrites appear to be in progress, so the minor spelling issues have largely been dealt with.
There is a lot going on in the background of the story, which is nice. It helps add some life to what's going on. But the character names kept jilting me out of the main plot for the first ten or so chapters, making it hard to keep track of how the 'heroes journey' was actually beginning.
That said, the dialogue of the characters themselves is quite well done, if a little strange due to story/world elements that you need to decipher through context. A few too many references like that are thrown around in the earliest chapters, but you get used to it just about in time for it to ebb in the later chapters.
The story could benefit from a constructive restructuring to better enable flow, but as the title of the review states, this is a work in progress.
It will be interesting to see where the story goes from here and I hope the author keeps at it.
BungakuShounenRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
I just got done reading the most recently posted chapter, and I can safely say that I’ve enjoyed reading this story so far. Overall, it’s not bad. It needs work, but it’s not bad by any means.
The first five or so chapters are decidedly rough around the edges, but I suspect that the author intends to clean them up a bit once he gets more feedback on how best to improve them. Nailing the first few chapters can be pretty challenging for just about any author — sometimes it just takes a little while for a writer to find their groove and get the story moving in the right direction. When you’re starting off writing a story, you’re basically looking at a blank slate — creating something from nothing, even — so it’s no surprise that many authors struggle to write their story’s beginning perfectly on their very first draft. I get it, I really do.
The dialogue is mostly well done, although there are occasional instances where it feels a bit stiff or robotic (particularly in the earlier chapters). These situations could be easily remedied by using shorter and more direct words and phrases, the kinds that you would expect to hear in casual speech rather than formal discussions. The author has already demonstrated that he is more than capable of writing natural-sounding dialogue, so I don’t think it would be hard at all for him to go back and edit the character interactions that need a little bit more work.
The characters themselves are pretty good. The protagonist drives the story forward nicely, and he doesn’t really take a backseat role to the plot like I’ve seen happen with some main characters in stories I’ve read in the past. Kavlina’s character is interesting (to me, at least), and her interactions with Avalel are generally entertaining to watch. I suppose both of their personalities could be fleshed out a bit more, but that’s something the author can tackle in future revisions if he ultimately feels it’s necessary. They carry out their roles in the story just fine as th
horizon108Royal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Disclaimer: I have only read till chapter 6 - Anapadeia.
The story so far is good. Jerky in moments but nonetheless the premise is sound and the execution is quite well done - though it does require polish.
Overall score: 4/5 - This is not referring to the novel at present but what it could be since the premise is quite interesting.
Style score: 4/5 - The style is predominantly in the first person which can be hard to pull off for anyone. I write in the first person for my novel and as such, I know exactly how hard it is to write in that perspective. Nonetheless, the author has done a fine job, barring a few clunky moments here and there. This can easily be fixed up with a quick edit and hence is nothing serious.
Story score: 4/5 - the story is quite interesting and there are already many subplots that have been foreshadowed early on. The worldbuilding is also quite good and the pace of the story flows naturally.
Grammar score: 3.5/5 - This is usually 4/5 in most cases when I review because I'm simply not as good at grammar as I should be to review properly. However, I've knocked .5 off the rating because the readability in some places was quite difficult.
Character score: 4/5 - Kapa to all that say otherwise! I like Kavlina and Faresoenn quite a lot and while the protagonist hasn't shined yet, I'm sure he will soon. The interactions between the characters are also quite nice, though as has been mentioned in another review, feels a little robotic and not well suited to the events that are ongoing at times.
The novel, on the whole, shows promise but it would do well with a round or two of editing and more work on the voice of the author. Then again, the voice of an author can only come if he writes a lot - something this particular author is doing right. As such, it's just a matter of time until Avalel and Kavlina rake up a storm!
Good luck to the author and happy reading to you, the reader!
world_wandererRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
For me the story was interesting. But the biggest problem was that I lost my interest as I read the story. U know sometimes a detaied description in the siege or 18+ scene helps, but when there are too much description dedicated for ordinary things it can become boring. That was the biggest problem for me. It's mainly related to style. Sometimes a best thing in comparison with too detailed or complex is simple.
Tomato In The StreetRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Style: It was solid, honestly. It's really jarring at first but after a while It seems to flow nicely especially after the Time-Skip. I can attest that the Post-Timeskip Arc is getting better
Story: *sigh...* I don't want to break your feelings but what's happening is really random. It's not like It's happening so fast or anything It's just that there's so many plotthreads was destroyed by the author himself. There's this one arc that I thought was going to lead to another arc only for It to suddenly disappear. But don't worry, It gets better! The author improved some stuff and don't forget this is just a draft so everything could still change there's still a way for a bombastic turnaround!
Grammar: I'll just give you a five here. I don't want to criticisize Grammar Errors
Character: Avalel... Kind of reminds me of Kirito... I swear to God this will go somewhere! Btw, I'm talking about Kirito of Season 1. Not the Alicization Kirito because he's a great character at that arc. You see, Kirito is a not really a main character... He's a template for the readers to projects themselves into. That's the feel I'm getting at Avalel... Because he's just a template MC, the side characters exists for him and for him only. They had such great moments, great driving goals but It feels like they're stepping stone for Avalel to step into, plumming into oblivion once they already served their purpose. So If you're aiming for a constructive and artistic kind of story, I wouldn't make Avalel a Template Main character... Because once you made It that way, every side character will fall alongside him.
Overall: Woah woah woah, we've gone pretty deep there! But to summarize, It was a great concept but dragged down by the fact the Main Character is a template one. But! Always remember that this is just a draft, ba dum tsssss! So everything I said probably doesn't matter since he's going to revise It anyway! Keep on improving bro! I know you're much better writer than me! So keep on improvi