I Eat Cultivators [Comedy Xianxia]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Reincarnated? More like Reassembled. Badly. A nameless test subject, abandoned by the demonic cultivators who created him, awakens in a facility with three past lives, no identity, and the ability to talk to the leaking tap in his cell. That's a lot for the first day of your life. After using absurd regeneration and slapstick body horror to escape, he enters a xianxia world of sects, spirit beasts, and convoluted cultivation conspiracies. Mentored by a perverted talking cabbage and joined by a growing cast of equally confused travelling companions, he drifts between side quests, slowly growing stronger while trying to figure out who he is, where he came from, and what he actually wants. This is a slow-burn, slice-of-life cultivation adventure focusing on comedy, character, and misunderstandings. Demonic revelations, unsettling abilities, and moments of genuine horror creep in as the story unfolds, with major power spikes and morally questionable cannibalism waiting further down the road.

Information

Status: Ongoing
Year: 2025
Author: rachasudd

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.4/ 5.0
Followers: 1,172
Views: 294,814

What readers say about I Eat Cultivators [Comedy Xianxia]

“Our hungry protagonist is out to eat some face! An escaped bio weapon is a known trope on royal road but this story makes it fresh with an interesting character(s) and a cultivation setting. Time will tell if it stays unique but at this point I definitely r…”
duens5Royal Road5.0 / 5
“The dialogue, sentence structure, and verbiage is solid and easy to digest. This might be a strange thing to mention right off the bat but I'm tired of reading through stories that are written poorly with awkward sentence structures and stilted dialogue. My…”
John SpoonerRoyal Road5.0 / 5

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(10)

duens5Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Our hungry protagonist is out to eat some face!
An escaped bio weapon is a known trope on royal road but this story makes it fresh with an interesting character(s) and a cultivation setting. Time will tell if it stays unique but at this point I definitely recommend giving it a try.
John SpoonerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The dialogue, sentence structure, and verbiage is solid and easy to digest. This might be a strange thing to mention right off the bat but I'm tired of reading through stories that are written poorly with awkward sentence structures and stilted dialogue. My English is ok but some stories are hard to trudge through.
The actual storyline is interesting with a solid hook and characters that (single incidence) aren't caricatures and tropes. It progresses at a steady pace as the main character works through his psychosis. The dialogue between the character and a vegetable is leagues beyond other stories have between character and I'm sure there's a comparison there that can be made.
MaerBearRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Love this story. At least to my taste there is the perfect blend of humor and classic cultivation shenanigans. It’s a unique take with this type of protagonist and the author does a lot with it. For me it walks the fine line of delivering self aware humor and unique craziness that is this author’s distinct flavor while also delivering my favorite tropes, cultivation world ridiculousness and badass moments. I definitely recommend this to anyone looking to scratch a xianxia, wuxia, or murim itch.
Marquess of UpplandRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
There’s only 10 chapters out so far, but it’s been an excellent start.
I personally dislike cultivation stories due to how same-y they tend to be, but this is arguably the most unique start I’ve seen to a xianxia (debatable) ever. The quick development of character, plot, and lastly setting has been a great read, and the comedic elements perfectly fit with ‘him’ and his personality.
I’m a sucker for body horror, too, which is totally unrelated to this review. His utter insanity is, though, and I love how it’s portrayed!
It’s subtle, but you can tell the story was written with passion and experience.
The short term and overarching goals were set up so damn smoothly. No need for railroading when the main characters circumstances is all the motive you need for literally everything that follows.
Mocking StonesRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Fun novel, focused on classic false immortal blood mage/vampire fantasy, but in xianxia setting.
Decent plot, pleasant characters, no annoying xianxia elements in the way how events are described.
Though, if you ignore spiritual beasts, no cultivators were eaten yet. Apart from one nose. But honestly, it would put theme into darker direction and i enjoy this lighter tone of novel.
Napalm078Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This guy is insane. Truly and wholly, and it makes the story very comedic. The poor dude just woke back up in his cell and just tries to escape. Those experiments definitely did a thing or two to and for him, but no qi still. Not like the inanimate objects are doing much to help him besides giving snark.
PebblerrRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
So far, I am enjoying this story. Drippy was great, and I was sorry to see him left behind, but he wasn't very mobile. Cabagey is also great, and at least portable. He gives good advice, too.
The MC is deeply mysterious...or possibly very confused, but determined to make the best of things, as he appears to be unkillable. Trying his best to be a good person, but finding those cultivators almost irresistible!
Quinn VoidheartRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
It tries to be serious sometimes, but its pretty fun and funny overall. Though a little gory but doesn't describe the gore too horribly. Also the MC seems to have some okay morals so far. It feels like the world can go pretty far and I am interested to see what crafting the MC practices.
Sap58Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I enjoy the main characters sense of humour and the situations he finds himself in are hilarious.
All jokes and fun aside though the story itself is interesting too. Plenty of mysteries have been set up already and i cant wait to see what it all will lead to.
I find xianxias to be a little tough to read sometimes but the problems many of them have dont seem to be present at all here. Even if you havent had the best experience with the genre i think it wouldnt hurt for you to give this one a shot. I certainly dont regret doing so, just had a very enjoyable evening binging all the chapters currently released.
Thoughtful BeanRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
The writing is good as a whole, but I’m not enjoying the story. The main character is just so completely passive, does not seem to have any real desires or character traits either than being insane and being a stereotypical nice person protagonist. Just doesn’t really seem to think all that much about himself or his future when he has eternity ahead of him.