White Mage in Another World [Pre-Redux]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

[This is the old version of the story before my drastic rewrite. it still has mostly the same plot and some of the characters are the same, but almost everything else is different. If you are really curious you can read this version but its barely worth reading in my opinion.]

A young woman named Andromeda is taken from her world to another filled with fantasy and magic. She finds that she can use "Medical" type magic and becomes a white mage.

Information

Status: Cancelled
Year: 2021
Author: Karmic_Backlash

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.4/ 5.0
Followers: 26
Views: 4,512

Chapters(9 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(2)

82MysteriesRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I think the potential for the story is immense and I do hope the author continues to write it and doesn't get put off by critics.
I enjoyed the main character, what we know of her so far and the world she is now in. The potential for growth for her seems to be really good and will probably go OP.
There are editing issues but there always will be with most written stuff on here, writers are very rarely editors after all. I enjoyed it and I look forward to more of the story.
luda305Royal Road
★★★ 3.0
The grammar and more technical aspects of style can be occasionally really bad. A significant number of typos, and a few sentences every chapter that are just really awkwardly constructed.
The worldbuilding is a bit slipshod. The title is "White Mage," but the vocabulary used in the story is "healer" or "Medea." There seems to be a significant inconsistency in how rare or valuable healers actually are. And there are several instances where a character reacts in a way that strikes me as very odd given what we do know about the world.
The story is so-so, though I'll admit that we've only got 5 chapters so far. Some of the plot points are just awkward, like the first night at the guildhouse and meeting the poor boy in the market. On the other hand, the plot also seems to have a number of holes:
Why did the King get rid of the protagonist? How did they discover she was a healer, but didn't discover that she was multifaceted? Why would being multifaceted be invaluable if "healers are a dime a dozen"? Why did the guildmaster pickup the protagonist? Did nobody think to have her try and heal the guildmaster's eyes? How did the bandits sneak up on the party while they were hiking?
The protagonist is a soft-spoken, kindly young woman. The other characters are kind of flat. Like it seems scripted, in a video game type of way, not in a way that people actually talk. Surprisingly, though, we almost get more background on them than our protagonist who is seemingly reticent to share much to either the other characters or the audience.
All in all, it strikes me as too clever by half. There's not enough work done in the background to make it a good story, while the actually writing needs clean up.