The Serpent and The Beast Master [Progression LITRPG/Monster Training]
Community Rating
Description
Harland Kingdom is on the brink of a succession war and Prince Peter is close to celebrating being an only child. A young soldier named Rachel is stuck on the losing side and desperate to impress her distant mother, Royal Guard, and confidant to her majesty the Princess. While no help is coming and their doom is inevitable this is no excuse to slack off from training to become the best she could be.
Hâkan is a young orphan in the endless steppes where beast masters command tens of thousands of war beasts and trade them to the war machine of the city dweller kingdoms. After his grandfather's death, instead of serving his uncle as cheap labor he leaves home in hopes of becoming a rich and powerful beast master himself.
This is the story of how they met and become the greatest power couple the old continent has ever seen.
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What to expect: There are two main characters with their seperate story line and chapters. They will meet at the end of first arc and travel together in a big continent with many different countries and cultures. There are both progression and faction building elements. The system is not too powerful but still central to their progression. Active skills and powerful magic are rare.
I will try to release a chapter every week. English isn't my main language so any critism to improve my writing is appriciated.
Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Year
- 2023
- Author
- Kurremkarmerruk
Tags
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 3.5/ 5.0
- Followers
- 4
- Views
- 743
Chapters(2 total)
Reviews
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Community Reviews(1)
- BlueMintishRoyal Road★★★★ 3.5Your story is intriguing. From what I've read so far, Rachel seems like a fun protagonist. I don't understand her motives yet, but I don't see that as too big of a problem. It's only chapter 1 after all.
But there are some grammer problems in your story that need addressing. You need to make sure that each sentence starts with a capital letter, you missed a bunch throughout. I would also like to see more dialogue tags. It's difficult to tell who is talking during long conversations with only one or two 'he said' or 'she said's.
I like most of the dialogue in this chapter, but it would be nice to see some more descriptions. What are they doing while they're talking? What does the town they are in look like? It's hard to picture the scene without more desscription.
Good start. Just make sure to spend more time editing.