The Abandoned Sorcerer

Information

Status

Completed

Year

2018

Author

Nefarious

• 16. Talking the Talk
  Oct 6, 2018
• 15. Of Monsters and Women
  Oct 4, 2018
• 14. Sewers Canal
  Oct 2, 2018
• 13. Split up and Look for Clues
  Sep 29, 2018
• 12. Lesan
  Sep 27, 2018
• 11. Journey of a Lifetime
  Sep 25, 2018
• 10. Mission Impossible
  Sep 22, 2018
• 9. Temple
  Sep 20, 2018
• 8. Celebrating a Good Time
  Sep 18, 2018
• 7. Completing the Square
  Sep 15, 2018
• 6. Overwhelming Desires
  Sep 13, 2018
• 5. The Seekers
  Sep 11, 2018
• 4. Visgamar
  Sep 8, 2018
• 3. Web of Lies
  Sep 6, 2018
• 2. Questions and
  Sep 5, 2018
• 1. Alive and Kicking
  Sep 2, 2018
• Prologue
  Sep 1, 2018

Reviews

Community Reviews(7)

• mythosiRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Disclaimers: Nefarious asked me to review this, its a bit outside my normal type of reading. Overall score is 5/5 just because it's dramatically better than the average cruft on this site, where even total garbage tends to hover around 4.5 stars if it gets popular. Other scores are my own thoughts.
  Pros:
  The story is cohesive and believable. No glaring ommisions.
  A lot of the worldbuilding is fairly creative
  Many things are left unexplained, and this gives the readers things to piece together.
  Despite my criticism (below), it is very decent and I did enjoy reading it.
  Cons:
  I can't say I'm entralled by any of it. Hooks are lackluster, and the style isn't particularly gripping. Most of my curiousity is towards the magic system and world, rather than the main characters/quest.
  I still have no idea what that Hero stuff was. Early chapters should probably be adjusted heavily to add tension and depth to the start.
  Orion is fairly boring and (somewhat) passive as a protagonist. He reads dryly and isn't very interesting to follow. I think improving your voice/style would go a big distance here.
  Overexplaing is definitely an issue. I don't feel like you repeated information, but you need to decide whether you're going to explain how the magic system works to somebody with no knowledge of the world, or explain it to somebody who lives in the world, leaving the reader to piece together the basics themselves. Both options are viable, but right now you're doing both.
  Underexplaining. This is a super easy thing to mess up, but my suggestions are to increase some explanation of Szu/cracking/general magic, and then get rid of your AN explaining them. I don't have enough foundation to go on, but by chapter 25, it seems that we're already expected to know about szu/cracking.
  Don't rely on Author Notes for explaining, or at least put a note that you'll go back and fix the story. It's obviously a very rough draft, but it really hurts immersion in the story
  I'm going to skip grammar, b
• KrypekRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Gotta say that author delivered on his promises regarding next novel. I would say that its already significantly better than the mad one and the only thing I could wish for is a bigger amount of chapters to properly gauge the long term potential of the story. Nevertheless its a fantastic read so far.
• LoneRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Five stars because I don't want to demotivate you by tanking your ratings. Here are my real ratings:
  Overall: 3 stars
  Style: 2 stars
  This really distracted me a lot. You lacked consistency, which was the main issue. In one instance, you had no text after some dialogue, the next, you did have descriptive text.
  The dialogue was also a bit jarring and seemed unrealistic.
  A final note on style would be that you appear to like being overly descriptive of objects and buildings from what I read. This could be a personal thing, but I don't really care about the intricate details. I prefer getting a vague description and painting the picture myself mentally.
  Unless it's critical to the story, I think descriptions can be kept a lot shorter and less verbose.
  Story: 3.5 stars
  I guess it was there, but a few chapters in, I didn't know who the main character was nor their goals or the vague direction they were going to go in.
  If I'm not initially hooked, there's not much reason for me to read. I could have missed these details because I was skimming, but I'll get to that in grammar.
  Grammar: 3.5 stars
  The use of large paragraphs was really jarring.
  While they may have been grammatically correct, it is generally more accepted to do shorter paragraphs of 1-3 sentences for web fictions as that makes them easier to digest.
  You have a habit of overusing words in some instances. An example: Loudmouth. I think that was used at least 7 times in the space of a few paragraphs. Use some other descriptive words or it starts to break immersion.
  Character: N/A
  As I said, I didn't really know anyone in the few chapters I read, so no opinion here.
• OnchRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Grammar-wise, this story is decent. The plot is a bit generic but could be taken in interesting directions.
  However, the story suffers from pacing issues. The author spends too much time describing things in too much details, and it breaks the immersion and flow of the story.
  Furthermore, this story suffers from too many word repetitions, it quickly becomes very noticeable and distracts from the initial content.
  Page organisation also needs more work, in my opinion paragraphs are too big.
  Plot-wise, things are slow to start. It's my opinion, but I believe that a quick start is usually the best way to begin a story.
  To conclude, I will say that this story has potential, but it needs some work on the aforementioned points to become great.
• SivilRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  I think the tags are a bit incorrect
  First, Anti-Hero Lead. I would say the MC does in fact exhibit the traits of a standard hero, he is just driven by a more selfish goal than a typical hero but this does not make him an Anti-Hero.
  Second, Strategy. The MC has thus far put no real thought into how to accomplish his goals or plans. He basically is just going with the flow and letting others drag him around. Strategy involves planning. His planning has thus far been "I need to talk to family friend so I should join this guild and rank up." This seems super convoluted to me. First of all, if his 'family friend' is well placed enough to be able to assist him in getting revenge for his family then one would have to assume he is well placed enough to have been aware of the purge before it happened. In addition he has spent 0 time strategizing his actual actions besides this. I could understand these sort of 'in ignorance' moments if the author was portraying him to match his actual age, but that doesn't fit with the rest of his actions.
  Third, Strong Lead. This MC is anything but strong. The entire novel as of writing has had him being shown as fairly weak. In addition he has shown no growth either in strength. It also doesn't help that the author has not even hinted at relative power levels or what strength in this story actually is. He has no political power, his physical power seems very much lacking, and his magical power had him relagated as being one of the weakest of his family.
  Overall I would say while the story is well written the characters either fall flat or are outright frustratingly annoying (it would be one thing if Orion found Kora annoying but the readers found her endearing, it is an entirely seperate issue if the readers find her just as annoying [to the point where some have even called for her death :P]). As others have said the author also spends a significant amount of time describing stuff that is soon going to become irrelevant (why spend multip
• BoredNerdBooksRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  EDIT: Nefarious (very helpfully) added all the stuff that I felt needed to be described in chapter 23's auther note (you can go there and read the descriptions theirs no spoilers) he also said that he is writing in more descriptions into the story
  Also he rewrote the summery and edited the first chap to add some hooks after I posted this.
  So right off the bat I'm going to say Nefarious asked me to do this, to provide some constructive criticism.
  So the first thing I've got to say is that the summery honestly just comes off kinda meh.  It reminds me of the summeries of the old classic style of fantasy that by now are kinda overwritten into boringness.
  It provides a good summery of what the story contains/will be (although only about a half of it has happened yet) but it just isn't very eye catching.
  After having read the fic so far, I'm glad I did and I like it (despite its shortcomings) but I can safely (and sadly) say I would never had read this had the auther not asked me to.
  Now onto the first few chapters. Right off the bat I have to agree with lone on these, they don't make a very good hook.
  I would say this is largely because other than the house falling, nothing truely interesting happens (I'm not counting him just magically ending up in the new city)
  And secondarily due to him referncing several things with out explaing them much/or at all.
  This is perhaps the largest problem over all in the fiction is that Nefarious seems to have written up (either in his head or a piece of paper) varius important facts that he operates the story out of, but completely forgotten to write them up into the fiction.
  Now I may have somehow glanced over one explanation and not noticed it some how, but the number of things like this leaves me thinking it's just not in the story. Also if the explanations are in the story, you genrally want to subtly re-explain stuff every now and again for people who have forgotten.
  So far the list of things that have been not at all (or not adequ
• ddz1rtRoyal Road

  ★★★ 3.0

  A very promising read, but a pity because of:
  1) catching prologue, intriguing first chapters and then it loses all of its momenta. We have a "catch" with our story, but then it just crumbles on small nuisances and inconsistencies between plot, character reasoning, world and how the story is progressing further.
  2) lacking characters. We have a so-called "strong" and "anti-hero" lead, while what we experience is a "crybaby" with a mix of other self-centered problems. It feels like second-lead is the one being MC. There is nothing that builds any relation between readers and the story. A lot of potentials that spiral out of control and go down the drain.
  3) the of story delivery. There are a lot of small things that point to interesting plot and sub-plot developments and that is thanks to the over-descriptive first part of the story. Still, most of them are abandoned and never covered. Reading loses any enjoyment and engagement between me and the story.