Technomage

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2022

Author

RedWingUa

• Chapter 1.4. Meeting with Catherine de Graaf
  Apr 15, 2022
• Chapter 1.3. Let's go to work
  Apr 13, 2022
• Chapter 1.2. A long-awaited reunion
  Apr 13, 2022
• Chapter 1.1. I'm home
  Apr 13, 2022

Reviews

Community Reviews(4)

• ProconRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Overall: This story is such a tease. It alludes to everything I want to see in the world of something like Technomancer the videogame, but it’s behind closed doors! Despite saying this, however, I sincerely believe this is a promising story with a vibrant world, that albeit could use a bit more fleshing out. And here’s the thing- you’ll get to something called Bonus Chapters which layout everything about the planet our story takes place on. Everything. Seriously you guys, it’s wild how detailed those bonus chapters are. So personally, I can’t help but want to grab the author by the shoulders and shake him silly because look at all this research and effort you put into the planet!! Tell me more about the civilization too! I don't mean the civilization's historical records either, we receive that as well. I more mean the details of the city around him as he travels between important figureheads.
  Characters: I think that the best way I could describe how these characters are written, in my opinion, is like the widest swimming pool in the world, that’s only a few inches deep. There’s substance, but there isn’t depth. At least, not at the point I’m at, this could very well change as the story progresses and I may even update this review as I continue reading.
  Story: There is something truly big in the works for this story. Our protagonist is pragmatically navigating the fallout of an ‘off-screen’ decision he made prior to being introduced and we’re given some very interesting pieces of the puzzle throughout interactions with powerful allies, military, and governmental officials. The magic (lol) is there. And I do not doubt for one moment that the author doesn’t know what story he wants to tell- the journey is only just beginning and I’m going to keep my eye out for updates.
  Style: A very distinct style of writing. I get the sense that we as the reader are slowly fed puzzle pieces that we need to put together rather than being handed the complete picture with every chapte
• A V DalcourtRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Style: Consistent, clear, 3rd person narrative, with an interesting way of doing world building. The biggest problem with his style is that he can fixate on mundane moments, specifically when introducing such a large cast of characters, which also results in repetition a huge amount of the same information. In marketing, repetition in a short period of time is great – you’re pushing a sale. In writing, repetition is wasted words and costs money in print. I’m of the stance of telling AND showing, so I might mention something briefly in chapter 1, but show it later – it’s sort of like foreshadowing, but more direct. That’s one way one might resolve the repetition issue. Alternatively, I’d make a list of where I share the same information and ruthlessly cut out the least interesting scenarios.
  At this time, it feels like the writer is searching for his plot. I mean I get the sense he knows what he wants to say, he’s just not sure how he wants to say it. Exploring his story in this way, is interesting from a craft analysis point of view.
  Story: Here is where the writer’s strength lies. He has one hell of an idea, set in an interesting combination of Victorian era styling, magic, and technology. I’ve made it to chapter 10, with two parts which specially focus on the sort of world building details that you’d see in manga, but really doesn’t need to be shared with the reader. Those part are actual info dumps, and perhaps should be reserved for his Patreon fans who would like more detailed information. But that’s me organizing content – side effect of the content/digital management & branding job. As of this point there’s espionage, political turmoil, a traitor in the ministry, and a murder or three. The first murder just got glossed over, and the MC sort of did the literary equivalent of shrugging their shoulders and moved on with their day.
  The pacing of the story could be a lot faster if the writer focused his intent in the chapter, and reduced the repetition of shared i
• TEZofAllTradesRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Style - Good use of 3rd person perspective. However, there are occasional tense changes. Writing is descriptive but can be overly detailed at times when describing insignificant scenery or actions. Consistent and clean styling, but I would advise using a dinkus or three asterisks, (***) to indicate scene breaks, especially as there are a lot of them—some of them unecessary.
  Story - A strong idea with interesting examples of combining magic and technology. Pace could be faster—there is a lot of travelling and big chunks of dialogue in the first few chapters. The end of the first chapter compels you to continue, but the next few end on an anti-climactic note and seem more like pauses between scenes. Clear that the author has put a lot of forethought into the story, but I think the author needs to find subtle ways to include the world building info from the bonus chapters (which are essentially info dumps) into the main text.
  SPaG - No big issues with spelling or punctuation. Grammar is good considering English is not the author's native language, but there are some big problems with word choice and sentence structure. With most errors, people will know what the author means, and it won't be a big distraction. There are occasions where sentences do not make sense, though. I believe the author is in the process of editing. However, because it's so important, I highly recommend editing the very bad first sentence immediately e.g. "Knock, knock," came a knock at the cabin > either use ** for sounds instead of "" or simply say: There was a knock at the cabin. Same with Litany's horn.
  Character - I'm not sure what to say about the characters. I think this is primarily because the narrative focuses on descriptions, actions, and dialogue, and doesn't give much insight into the MCs thoughts, feelings, background or motivations. I think a lot more internal monologue using omniscient-style is needed.
• gushyRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Preface: This is apart of a review swap.
  ---
  Grammar: No significant errors detected during my reading, so in terms of grammar and syntax, you're all good to go.
  Style: Another review summed up my feelings about this style: it's good, it's decent, however words are spent when it's not needed. In the first few chapters, I read paragraphs about things that aren't that important or contribute to the overall plot, which makes the story slow down when it really shouldn't, dragging the pacing. The issue really explodes with the next point...
  Story: The beginning of the story is slow; however, in my opinion, it's also a boring start. I had a hard time reading the beginning chapters because although the story is setting up for the plot (thus important overall), it feels dull and uninteresting. The author clearly had built this world and the story too, but it's not enthralling to read.
  Character: We don't get to see much internal thoughts from the MC; I think this also plays into the story detriment a tad bit. If we have more of his thoughts, then it could break up the style and aid some more dynamism (if that's the right word) while also giving some insight to the character himself.
  All in all, it's a good fic but has problems that needs addressing.