Talis Man

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2021

Author

CShadrockz

• 9 | Lyla You're a Bit Thick
  Sep 25, 2021
• 8 | Just a Little Bit of the Creepies
  Sep 23, 2021
• 7 | Levon Explains it All
  Sep 10, 2021
• 6 | Floor is Lave Fail
  Sep 9, 2021
• 5 | Jessica the Thing
  Sep 8, 2021
• 4 | A Nap on a Plane
  Sep 7, 2021
• 3 | Poem of the Siren
  Sep 3, 2021
• 2 | Where's Your Talisman?
  Sep 2, 2021
• 1 | Preface the Pre Face
  Sep 2, 2021

Reviews

Community Reviews(7)

• CookieCrumbleRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Portmanteau You Never Think Of; A Silver Screen in the Making.
  Confession: The stars already starred five, the title card written. But the screen, black in dark mode, was empty. The Insertion point was blinking, mocking me. So here I was, preceding this review with a confession in hoping that writing down my staggers and tremors and fears of imperfection that gripped me hold was able to spark a fitting opening paragraph. At least to get the words flowing, because, God, this story deserved, deserved more.
  It opened with a scene. A girl, her mom, their weird house, and a journey of the lifetime that thinly-veiled as a normal trip. Stitch those with undercurrent of magic and you got yourself a script for pixar-style movie.
  Seriously.
  The story is typical. Evil force. Dark force. Good force. A world that came to an end. A girl in a denial. And how she, like most of hero journey, was apparently the chosen one all along! Honestly, nothing couldn't be more generic than this.
  And guess what, I don't freaking care.
  Because the style, the style and the world building, and how it told in stream of conciousness that I right now trying to emulate because run off sentence apparently could be made super great if it was done correctly and flow smoothly like this, am I doing it right, maybe, maybe not, likely not.
  Ehm.
  On more serious note, the style what made this story. It was choppy, fragmented, and show masterful knowledge of psychic distance. It brought the characters to life; her denial, her denial so understandable even when she knew that what she heard, what she saw likely to be true. But her mind closed it, jam it, put it in the box and said 'oh, no, hell no' to a literal bear-man in front of her. Even the exposition-brother, his character wasn't just a mere exposition tool, he was a real, fleshed character. Your laidback, comedic relief that could be summed up saying one word even the world in front of him turned upside down 'That's cool'.
  Grammar -- the only place I need
• Edge ValmondRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  A gentle enough start, going into more the pleasantry of days of yore. The loss of a father, life going on. The main breaking up is to their bf, just things of normalcy. The tale going onto a trip in California. Transitioning along good enough, giving a good enough picture of what is happening. An air of mystery, different worlds from what I can gather. Those being bound, a story that has something to show.
  Story Score:
  A trip towards the grandparents, those that cannot go out at night. Mystery within the air, differing worlds. Leavers and protectors, two in conjunction to one another. Training of necessity, a story with an interesting premise. Slow but steady, and nice mix in all reality. Alas, the score has to be hit. One aspect of story telling is the prose. This story doesn’t seem to have any. Not to worry, it isn’t a large hit. Just know, one way to improve, is stringing together words in a more meaningful way. As well as, can use some more exposition.
  Style Score:
  I do not grade this, but know it is in third person PoV. And the way it is done, it immerses the experience. At least for me personally.
  Grammar:
  There are a few issues I noticed, not too many. Though, enough to knockoff 0.5. I can still understand the work quite well, so nothing to worry about.
  Character Score:
  I am mixed on this. I guess I can see how they are progressing along, but I am not seeing a defining factor that really grabs in. Perhaps someone else will, but this isn’t what is necessarily taking my attention, it is everything else supporting them.
  Overall, an air of mystery to this work. One visiting elsewhere, California from what I can tell. Unable in going out at night, those lurking in the shadows. A bit unsettling to say, which gives off a more immersive feeling. At least this is my take away from it. I think my only problem is my inability to connect to the characters. I recommend giving this a read, who knows, it is probably just me on this one area. That and the prose is lacking,
• MarcieTheVillainRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  I will be going down the list systematically, from Style to Grammar, Story to Character, and then discussing my overall score. I know that it's a bit higher than the other scores I've given, so please, consider reading my final paragraph. I promise it will explain things.
  STYLE
  From chapter one, The Talis Man is a friendly, easily accessible option which makes itself known without issue. The lines are oftentimes short and snappy, sometimes to the detriment of the reader, but not enough to be wholly offensive. My main issue with the Style comes with some odd line breaks and sentence placement, beginning near where Tula meets her brother, Levon, and continuing on. Action and dialogue do a strange dance where sometimes they meet, sometimes they part, and sometimes they interrupt eachother. Occasionally it works. Regularly it does not. There's a lot of detail left entirely to the reader's imagination, which can be nice; however, sometimes there is too much left out. Could really use some more descriptive imagery.
  GRAMMAR
  So, this is unfortunately the most rocky part of the story for me. I am a bit biased because I hold some pretty high standards for grammar, so I will say feel free to take this with a grain of salt. First and foremost, punctuation is oftentimes off - not disruptively so, but many commas are missing, some punctuation could be switched around, some sentences extended or contracted, etcetera. Secondly, sometimes wordage is just... strange. I haven't noticed much that is unintentionally misspelled, and sentences all make sense, but it can just be oddly worded here and there to the point that it brought me out occasionally to consider why the author wrote it how they did. Finally, some sentences are extremely wordy and verbose - some are basically bullet-points. I know this is also a Style issue and can be done well, but it's obvious it isn't always done with the intent of being snappy.
  It does improve as chapters go on, but it's still present enough that I
• MarytheGorgonRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  WARNING: SPOILER HEAVY
  Talis Man (this is plot important not a misspelling on the author's part) is a very interesting story. It's a spin on the fantasy sub genre of "normal kid finds out they are so normal and are thrust into a new side of the world and themselves" rather creatively. I was curious as I haven't read fantasy fiction in a while and this reminded me of the genre of books I'd go searching hi and low for as a middle schooler to now, spending what meager change I had on it. Ofcourse, nowadays that goes to my phone bill but this hit a soft spot for me.
  Our main character is a teenager who is sent to live with their brother at a relatives home. We are shown that their mother is obviously afflicted with something or has gone insane to the MC. I loved how the mothers ramblings became important and where revealed to be very important!
  Like the title, yep turns out that little talisman the main character gets has a mind of it's own. And the mother's rambled about not going in the words or alone at night? About everything the main character doesn't take mind of? Yep the author utilizes it all in the story.  A fun read for any fantasy lover, I'd recommend this to anyone who likes the genre.
• WaurpelRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  This story has a lot of potential and I think it could go a long way, but there's a few issues worth discussing here, so lets see!
  Story
  The story has its appeal and I have no complaints on the lore and general settings, but there are some minor items that staggered the general flow.
  Main one here is the flow. The events happening are heratic and confusing. I understand that the brother has to be vague on information in order to heigthen tension.... But they were litterally in a car drive that was stated to take 4+ hours together, yet as soon as he arrives home he goes in a panic about how he doesn't have time to explain things right away and it will have to wait till the next day.
  It wouldn't be so bad if Levon was actually understanding of Lyla's confusion and sympathetic, but being impatient with a person who you had every chance to explain litterally everything is a bit absurd.
  If he was visibly annoyed at the mom instead it would make much more sense than being annoyed at his baby sister who's just been dropped in the middle of nowhere.
  There's also a lot of... Well illogical decision made by the main character. It was stated to her by litterally everyone that going to town was dangerous. She was told there was food at home. There was no reason for her to go other than making a point in the plot (which the Siren should have been plenty to make in the the first place). This also works against making Lyla a likeable character which I will expand upon in the character section.
  There's also some logical inconcistency... Or what LOOK like logical inconsistency when it comes to Talis Man.
  I understand it's stated that he can become invisible and all that, but he tells her not to tell about him to her brother... But then he seemingly goes to the brother to make a prank call on her. He tells her to make up a story to her brother that he's gone on a mission... But then he ALREADY had told the brother that much.
  See what I mean?
  It doesn't make the story completely nonse
• Shizzle BlitzRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Okay, so this review comes after reading chapter 13. From the beginning, the dialogue intrigued me since it was so unique from other novels that I've read. The problem is, after getting further into it, it becomes a bit obtrusive.
  I don't like giving harsh reviews. But I believe this author has a ton of potential if they would go back and revise the chapters to better explain certain concepts. So I'm going to highlight my thoughts on the matter.
  The style of the novel is what grips me, but it has many detriments. Some things aren't explained very well and scenes move in a jarring way. But on the other hand, I like Levon and the way he speaks, I like how Lyla sounds and how her mind works, and i think that although they've been shown for such a little time, they grab me. I just think it needs more polish. Tone down some of the eccentricities, cut the sentences off when they need to be cut off. There's a style underneath the problems that I truly believe can shine through if polished. Perhaps studying other author's styles can help with that.
  Grammar is something I don't have a problem with in this novel. There's some words here even I don't know, but they're not jarring to me. Some words may often be reused, but that's something a revision can easily deal with. If the author plans on publishing this as an actual novel, I suggest finishing the first draft and then revising instead of revising chapters in the middle of writing the draft.
  The story seems to be setting up for a young adult fantasy vibe, where they'll go on adventures and deal with monsters making villainous plans. I enjoy that story, but I think what makes this one more interesting is the characters. Like I said, Lyla's a treat to read about. The way her mind works keeps me entertained through the chapters. It's a real talent that the author's got for making someone so compelling in such a short amount of time.
  Overall, I'd give this four stars. Unfortunately, if I rated it any lower, most people would j
• Breno RanyereRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  This novel feels like it has plenty of ideas just dyng to get out but also has a little trouble while doing it.
  Right out of the get you can see that this is a very rich and well-planned magic world and a big major plot that should be unfolding as we go along for the ride.
  The major problem is that the way we follow this ride tends to be slightly bumpy at times.
  So many portions of the chapter are dedicating to exposition and explanation, and teaching, lecturing, detailing, clearing up, and setting up plot points, that it feels less like I'm reading a story and more that I'm watching a lesson.
  I think this is a novel that is too in love with its own lore and just can't wait to introduce us to it, but its excitement tends to go too far and ends up introducing way too much stuff at once without giving us many reasons on why to care about it.
  That's not to say the characters are bad. In fact all characters are very memorable and likable. But I just never got a feeling that I was attached to the major conflict.
  Honestly, I kinda want to see this author tackling a non-fantasy story. The magic elements almost seem to get in the way of what seems to be a good cast of characters and dramatic moments.
  If you just removed the boxes upon boxes of explaining how the magic works and just shows us these characters living their lives it would make the reading more easy to follow, and thus, more engaging.
  Or at least, just show the magic being used in the daily lives and saving the explaining for later. Makes us fall in love with the magic first, makes us wonder what it means and how it works, and then you explain its ins and outs.