System Malfunction: Rise of the Apocalypse

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2024

Author

Evelyn Adelberg

• Chapter 2 - Farrah (1/2)
  Nov 9, 2024
• Chapter 1 - An Empty Tin
  Nov 8, 2024
• Prologue
  Nov 7, 2024

Reviews

Community Reviews(10)

• finchinkRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  This was a really fun (and a little sad) read. I think fans of shows/games like the Last of Us will really enjoy this. The protagonist is tough and resilient and suffers. I believe the author also does a great job at showing us that suffering which allows us to cheer for our MC. I genuinely do hope she finds happiness.
  The Prologue is nice and descriptive and gives you and image of what this world will really be. However,  for me the second chapter is what really got me interested in the story because it adds so much emotional weight and held tension.
  I only spotted about two spelling errors which didn't even distract from the story in my opinion.
  Character-wise I think our MC is interesting and I'll keep reading to see what type of journey she goes on.  So far, I'm neutral about some of the side characters though their personalities and images are described well to be clear. So, they aren't just NPCs.
  Overall, this story is an absolute recommendation, especially for those who enjoy Lit RPG stories with horror elements as well as zombies! And who doesn't love killing zombies? i know I certainly do.
• Bacon MacleodRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Do you know how goddamn long I have waited for a decent zombie apocalypse litrpg? A long time, a long long time. This one hits all the buttons. Grounded power level, chaos and confusion, hints of a greater mystery, mutating zombies, jank unknowns about the system, quests, trauma, teasing of significant growth. All wrapped up in a nice little bow of well written story.
  Style:
  Its good, fits the more utilitarian style of prose that I prefer, focuses on low psychic distance third (mostly), and gets that raw and gritty feeling you want from y'know, apocalyptic fiction.
  Story:
  Only 4 chapters so far but we have a break down of the system, teased traumatic backstory, a bad ass mc with a fatal flaw, a quest, a promise of mystery, a (by setting metrics) op amnesiac, and a goal. That's like... a whole lot more than I managed in four chapters, that's for sure. got me interested, and I'm keen to read more.
  Grammar:
  Its good, you see the odd homonym mess up, but those are a total PITA to catch in editing and don't really yank me out of immersion at all. Didn't notice anything else.
  Character:
  MC seems very intriguing. As mentioned, we have the brief introduction to active apocalypse trauma, a few insights into her being a explorer in a world where that gets you got 99% of the time, and a mysterious quest, as well as a fatal flaw that seems to have her caught between the old 'scavenge and die, or don't and die' conundrum. Love that said fatal flaw is literally a fatal flaw IRL. Character seems both stoic, and repressed, but in a way that feels natural for someone 2 years into the shit. Otherwise, our brief interaction with other side characters showed a good understanding of character voice and identity
• Ethan Y CottonRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  I read a lot of the litrpg genre. I mean a lot. So it follows that it would take something special to get my attention.
  This story did.
  I was immediately hooked when Devs (haha I’m using the nickname) risked everything just for a cigarette. Then immediately after that I got to see a whole new flavor of apocalypse and that sealed the deal.
  Most people, myself included, like to pretend we would survive these various end of days scenarios even though most people would likely last one day at most. Well this one presents an interesting scenario in which have to admit, I would quickly die.
  Devs is already a very compelling character and I can only hope more characters get the same attention in the later chapters.
  As far as grammar, there a a few small problems but it’s the writathon. There is bound to be a few things missed in a time crunch, and none of it really causes any trouble. Nothing some time and extra sets of eyes can’t solve
  The only issue I have with the story is that I have to wait for the rest to come out. That may sound like a joke but that’s only half true.
  So many litrpg books start strong and then peter off. I hope that won’t happen here and I intend to follow the story to find out.
  I can’t wait to read more, it’s already an addiction.
  Please hurry and write more, I need my one chapter a day, my luck won’t last long like this!
• Nemo BlancRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  This isn’t just your run-of-the-mill zombie shooter fanfic with leveling systems slapped on. It’s dark, messy, weirdly funny, and lowkey existential in a way that sneaks up on you while you’re still laughing about a sarcastic sniper refusing to be part of a pyramid scheme.
  First off, the style is sharp and character-driven. There’s a tight focus on Farrah that gives everything weight, from the gunfire and walker swarms to her desperate search for cigarettes. Her voice is dry, exhausted, and real. There's that rare mix of world-weary sarcasm and unspoken grief that makes her feel like someone who's been surviving for far too long but can’t quite stop giving a shit. Dialogue is snappy without being too self-aware, and it sells the dynamics between characters (especially her and Matthew) without ever needing to over-explain.
  Grammar-wise, it’s mostly clean, though there are occasional rough spots, minor punctuation glitches, some slightly tangled phrasing, and a few sentence fragments that feel more like voice than error. If anything, the looseness adds to the grit. That said, a light proofread could iron out moments where clarity stumbles (a couple of “that’d”s or missing prepositions), but it’s rarely distracting.
  The plot unfolds in a weirdly grounded way: no overblown exposition dumps, no save-the-world melodrama,  just people trying to survive, navigate quests, and make sense of an impossibly gamified apocalypse. The System mechanics are clever and intuitive, especially when tied to Farrah’s limited Power and Luck, and how addiction actually reduces her stats is a brutal little twist. And the Obelisk thread? Intriguing, unsettling, and perfectly drip-fed.
• SR FauthRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  A seriously unique take on LITRPG. I wont spoil much in the review here, but the way the LITRPG interface is drawn out is the most unique that I've seen to date.
  Style 5/5: The style, layout, and writing style compliment one another to give this a seriously unique take on the LITRPG genre. The way that the descriptions are laid out and the menus built around actual programming within the world is awesome!
  Story 5/5: The development of the world, the characters, and the heartrending backstory of the MC lends a level of belief that hits unusually close to home. If you were to take the LITRPG charts out of this story it would not lose any of its punch, only a bit of its depth.
  Grammar 5/5: I see quick, near real time corrections to any errors. Punctuation and grammar are on point and there are no continuity issues I can find so far.
  Character 4.5/5: The characters are on point, with deep back stories, painful recollections of how they got where they are, and a connection to one another that is well built and actively developing. The only thing that bugs me, and it IS a me thing, is that the MC has little to no remorse about anything she does while displaying a wide variety of emotional 'flavors' in regards to others.
  Overall 5/5: An awesome story I cannot wait to dive deeper into!
• Anthony and Leisel VolskiRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Gritty. Raw. Real. System Malfunction is a post-apocalyptic litrpg that checks all the boxes, plus a few more. Until a couple of years ago, I didn't even think I really enjoyed zombie apocalypse, well, anything in general. That's since been proven untrue; the bar is just set stupidly high. Connoisseurs, you'll be happy to know SM soars.
  What would you do if you lost everything, everyone you loved in a moment of madness that just... defies explanation? Surely most people harbor some fantasy about what they'd do if there was a world-ending event. Or how they'd handle a crisis. A terrorist attack. A zombie apocalypse. You get the idea. If you do, it's probably something heroic, right? Something grandiose? In reality, to echo other reviews, it's probably not gonna happen. Without a great stroke of luck, we'd likely end up dead... for one reason or another. Farrah, however, is a survivor, whether she likes it or not.
  To top it off, the origins of the System are unknown. It appears to be cold and mechanical. And whoever--whatever--brought the System upon the world seems equally harsh. It may or may not want everyone dead. In the (hopefully) unlikely hypothetical scenario where this type of System takes control, you've gotta ask yourself... have you been keeping up with your personal goals?
  System Malfunction is poised to become a masterwork and rise to the top of the genre. I can't wait to read more.
  Don't read the second half of chapter two if you suck at processing trauma. This is not a personal dig; it's a reminder that you don't have to be strong all the time and do things just to prove you can. The comments might evolve into a group cry/hug.
• RGloverRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  There’s so much to appreciate in this story, so let me try to break it down a bit.
  First and foremost, Farrah is an outstanding main character. She’s not your typical, overpowered protagonist that steamrolls through challenges. Instead, she’s smart, strategic, and fully aware of her strengths and limitations. There’s something incredibly refreshing about her methodical approach to the challenges she faces—especially how she chooses to pace herself rather than rush into every fight. It’s clear the author has put a lot of thought into how Farrah develops, and her journey of learning and adapting is one that’s easy to get behind.
  I really loved the way she deals with her powers. Rather than relying on flashy abilities or shortcuts, Farrah focuses on mastering the basics. It's a grounded approach to her powers that’s both realistic and inspiring. The moment where she consciously pulls back, refusing to overextend her abilities in the fight with the creature was a perfect example of this.
  The world-building is another highlight. Sambourough is hauntingly well-designed. The author does a fantastic job of making the environment feel alive and, at times, sinister. The deserted streets, the metallic infrastructure—everything contributes to a sense of isolation and tension. The creatures Farrah encounters are suitably disturbing and unique, adding to the ever-present threat in this world.
  The tunnel scene really sticks out for me. Farrah’s discovery of the obelisk key card and the blood trail leading deeper into the darkness left me on the edge of my seat. The tension in these scenes is palpable, and I found myself just as hesitant as Farrah to venture further into the unknown. [I'm a geek :)  ]
  As for the pacing, it's spot-on. The author does a great job of balancing action with character development, and the fight scenes flow seamlessly into the narrative. The slow moments where Farrah takes time to reflect or strategize only add to the immersion, never dragging the story d
• Rowdha Al SolRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  There are a few key pivot points so far in this story that suggest it's transitioning from intriguing but chaotic to somewhat compelling.
  First off, the writing has flashes of brilliance, especially in its tonal control and emotionally grounded moments, but it’s not always easy to follow. The early chapters tend to veer between slice-of-life banter and sudden genre pivots (sci-fi HUD overlays, zombies, system messages, etc.) with minimal scaffolding. The tone jumps can feel jarring, especially when the emotional stakes are extremely high, but then immediately cut to stat screens and skill trees with little transitional tissue. The tonal whiplash does exist. You mostly have grounded straightforward prose but you're then hit with random Elizabethan style English?
  Second, Farrah as a protagonist starts off somewhat opaque. Her decisions can feel scattered, like she’s being tugged between realism and game logic, but this reflects the instability of her world more than a flaw in the writing to that extent. The way she interacts with the System, luck mechanics, and skill combinations is interesting, but her understanding of these mechanics is shaky, and that occasionally makes the stakes murky for me.
  Structurally, there’s still work to be done. Pacing is erratic, and the constant stat screen interruptions can wear on the flow. But the emotional weight is somewhat real, the worldbuilding is unique, and the story feels like it’s genuinely going somewhere. If future chapters lean more into character dynamics, the ethical horror of the System, and maybe clean up some internal logic inconsistencies (like Power/Luck budgeting), this could become something excellent.
  With the character development and tonal maturation around Vega’s introduction, I’d say the story is on a promising trajectory and definitely worth continuing. Which is why I'm currently following along, although I'm retroactively leaving a review.
  I think that the mechanics and lack of editing severely hold this b
• NewTyp0Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  More than Just a Zombie Apocalypse
  I’m really enjoying Farrah’s journey through the grim and twisted streets of Sambourough. The apocalypse has come, and Farrah seems to be quite comfortable with that when we meet her. She’s highly competent, determined, and just generally a badass. I latched onto her immediately and was sucked into her journey, even before I got to the tragic backstory.
  Chapter 2 is where the author’s writing ability truly shines. A string of tense scenes is masterfully woven together, leaving me on the edge of my seat, only to be knocked back by a heart-wrenching gut punch. After that, I was completely hooked and fully attached to Farrah and her struggle.
  Grammar is generally top-notch, as is the prose. I always had a good sense of place, and the foreboding presence of the creatures was ever-present (as it should be in a story like this). I only marked it down because typos were fairly consistent across each chapter. The vast majority of them didn’t interrupt the flow of the story, but some did, including during a big plot reveal, resulting in me being a bit confused.
  Fights were well-paced and appropriately gritty, with skills being used intelligently. The skill system, in general, was a highlight for me. Initially, it seems basic and mundane, but the potential for magical, over-the-top chaos is evident and extremely appealing. I can’t wait to see what awesome things the author comes up with.
  The story is very well-crafted so far and does a great job of pushing the plot forward while giving us a chance to take in the world and spend time with Farrah. I was a bit concerned it was going to end up being a generic zombie apocalypse plot, but thankfully that is not the case! The System and skills create a whole new avenue to explore this setting, and the author is doing a great job leaning into that so far.
  I am very excited to see where this one goes! Great job!
• Stardust NexusRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Evelyn Adelberg's System Malfunction: Rise of the Apocalypse delivers a gripping dive into a dystopian world where the remnants of civilization grapple with relentless zombie hordes and the enigmatic System that dictates their very survival. Farrah Deveraux, our resilient protagonist, embodies the struggle between hope and despair, navigating through perilous quests in a landscape marred by chaos and decay.
  Style: Adelberg's writing is both vivid and immersive, painting a stark picture of the post-apocalyptic environment. The action sequences are dynamic and intense, keeping readers on the edge of their seats. Dialogue flows naturally, capturing the distinct voices of each character and adding depth to their interactions. While the descriptive passages are rich, there are moments where the narrative could benefit from more concise language to maintain pacing. Additionally, occasional typos and grammatical inconsistencies, though minor, occasionally disrupt the reading experience.
  Story: The premise of a world controlled by quests with dire consequences for failure is both original and compelling. The blend of survival horror with RPG-like system mechanics creates a unique tension that drives the plot forward. Farrah's quest to find:
  The Obelisk
  serves as a strong central narrative, providing clear goals and escalating stakes. The integration of morally grey characters and personal emotional stakes adds layers to the story, making it more than just a fight for survival. However, some plot elements, such as the full extent of the System's influence and the origins of the magic crystals, feel slightly underexplored, leaving room for deeper world-building in future chapters.
  Grammar: While Adelberg's command of language is generally strong, the presence of typos and occasional grammatical errors can be distracting. These minor issues detract from the otherwise polished narrative, suggesting a need for more thorough proofreading. Despite these hiccups, the overall readab