Serpent's Herald

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

We begin with Arn, a young Ossarian man about to embark upon his first mission with an all-powerful government organization - The Inspectorate.

A mission that should have been a matter of formality, a simple initiation, sets off an avalanche which no one escapes.

Some Illustrations and Crafts For the Book:

Map of Nedreal- the land where the story takes place

Leather Travel Charm- this is a real life recreation of the travel charm from the book

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2021
Author: Blind Serpent

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.6/ 5.0
Followers: 57
Views: 35,232

Reviews

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Community Reviews(10)

Arthur-67Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I did enjoy my reading of the story and have followed for further updates. I found it to be an interesting, well written and enjoyable story following the journey of Arn.- Here are my thoughts/ notes i made as i read the story
First, grammar, there was maybe the extremely rare grammar mistake, so few that it's not right taking any points off.
Although check for the double-spacing especially in the last chapter, unless that is some stylistic choice.
I saw the poll and in my opinion, the prologue is a nice touch, I enjoyed it and would recommend keeping it. It was a good strong start to the novel and introduction to everything.
The style had a consistent third person pov and tense. It was quite nice and pleasant to read. Very easy to focus and get absorbed in. With some nice descriptions and imagery thrown in for flavour- ‘ five feet of virgin snow’, plumes of smoke and steam. I found it to be an enjoyable style.
The timeskips were very fluent and the use of details and locations in them made it seem very natural. Plus the use of italics for the dream was good- short and sweet.
‘Oh spirits’ instead of ‘oh damm is a nice touch. Some well extra would building that adds a touch of realism to the story.
I found all the characters to be quite well written and enjoyable, even the minor touches like De’al, and his singing. As we switched from them to Arn it definitely had my interest piqued in how they were interlinked.
Arn is definitely the most memorable as he does get the most screen time, he was an easy to route for MC. Nice use of Ossgar to give us world details, sort of a mentor relationship maybe.
There is some great world building thrown in, not to heavy ,not to light, just enough to add some immersion into this world. I like dit, especially some of the lore e.g. ancient homes of masons, caravaneers union etc. Ittrickled details instead of info dump e.g. inspectorate, no one disobeys etc gave just just enough to keep interest piqued.
Overall great work
_Fowl_Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The prologue starts with quite a bit of mistery. The synopsis gives us a glimpse of what happened there, though. Still, we go from some horror-ific scene to a daily-routine narration, with a guy set to depart away from his family. This set-up is very common in standard novels, much less so in web novels. No good or bad points for the idea per se, but quite a few for good execution.
Flash forward a few chapters and our main character is now being sent to a town that apparently terrifies his parents. I'd say that a bit more detail or foreboding would have been better. Up to chapter 2, the narration is a bit stereotypical for the genre, lacking in innovation: you could switch up names with some other mainstream fantasy and no one would notice.
However, the upside is that the story is quite solid. Treading the most-followed path makes it so that the narration has less of the usual amateurish caveats that you would find around here.
Chapter 3 is a bit of an infodump and not very entertaining.
There is a stark difference in word counts among certain chapters; I don't really like it. Consistency is important when you write web novels.
Later on, the chapters take on a darker shade; they lose their initial wholesomess in order to make space for a Lovecraftian scenario. I've already seen other reviewers notice this very fact and I agree. The change in scenery takes the narration up a notch and raises the overall quality.
Chapter 7 is the tide-breaker for me, where the style really shines and creates and armonious narration. The first six chapters had me doubt a little, but now I'm sold.
I'd go as far as to say that the author is doing a great job with his writing - from chapter 7, at least.
Let's get to it:
Style - Good. It confused me at first, because I thought it would be another boring fantasy. The author flips the table on you and makes a brilliant turn.
Story - Same argument for Style. A tad further and this would be truly able to contend with some of Lovecraft's storie
D.M. Rhodes (Razzmatazz)Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
“Void & Flame,” is a fantasy story following the life of Arn, a young Ossarian man who essentially gets drafted to become a historian in the border town, far away from his home. The story has a very unique prose that lends itself well to descriptions of scenery and more importantly, the descriptions of characters.
This last part is a big factor, as the town that Arn gets sent to is very much ‘Innsmouthy’, if you’re familiar with the Cthulhu mythos. Everything seems normal, but at the same time everyone is so dubiously suspicious that it was starting to make me paranoid while I was reading. Every side character, every interaction just always has that feeling that something isn’t quite right here. It’s like talking to someone who never blinks. There’s a creepiness to it that really adds up over every chapter.
As said before, the writing is fairly strong and stands well on its own. I found no noticeable grammar or spelling mistakes and the prose is fluid. Chapter one has a very strong hook in my opinion and it really caught me from the start.
The characters, as mentioned before, are all interesting to see. Even just the side-characters that only appear once, but a big part of this is because of how weird everyone is acting. They’re all just on the fringe of being overtly out of it. It’s like a whole town of fish-people pretending to be normal. This of course, offers a strong contrast to the confused village boy, Arn, who is very much out of place in a sense.
All in all, I’ve really enjoyed reading this story so far. If you’re looking for a low-combat, intrigue, fantasy story where something just isn’t right, then please give this one a fair shot! =)
GrigoryRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
No idea what the other guy is on about. Ironically, he missed a comma in the sentence suggesting the author learn to use commas better.
Language and flow are very good. I've read a few hundred books and stories so far. while not as experienced as many on here, I feel I have enough objective reference points to say that this writing is more polished than the general standard I've seen on these sites.
Don't get me wrong, there are typoes and grammar mistakes here and there. A bit of dialogue can use a little more work to feel more natural and organic. But, all in all, great job. Language and grammar are difficult to get just so, and honestly, there's always something to improve there.
The story is quite intriguing, prologue felt super polished and really draws the reader in. You immediately want to know whats happening and why. Im honestly a bit frustruated that I have to wait to see what happens with Enloth and De'al; they hook you in very well.
First chapter was a tad slow for me, at the same time there's good reason to take it slow and steady. The world is being built up gradually but well, I like the descriptions, I found it pretty easy to picture the scenes being painted for me. Author did a good job of balancing worldbuilding here and storytelling. Not much happens but the build up is palpable and on par with the kind of thing I learned to expect from much of the published books I read.
There's not much character building yet, but I like what I've seen so far. I am drawn into the story and Arny's family feel fulls of familiar characters.
Finally, to quote J.T.Wright's wise guide character: 'not all advice is good advice, sometimes you know yourself best', this applies to storytelling too.
Ill update as I read further.
BullerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I said this in a comment and I will say it again. I don't like Rana. I dont like Del'al or however you spell it either. There ways of talking, be that instantly or later on, utterly infuriates me. It's no fault of the story it itself, but due to my own gneereal hatred for such puzzling ways of speaking.
Rant over. Review begins.
The style of the story reminds me of the older books of the century, with a more long-drawn approach to the narrative. Not something normally seen in larger amounts on this platform, but I have nothing against it. 5/5
Grammar? I found one mispelling in one of the later chapters. (Suite yourself/suit yourself). Not a point that I will cry about. 5/5
Story? This one is very slow on the uptake. Even with the first ten chapters read, I still don't believe that the story really has started up. While the proluge does offer some promise of what will happen later on, I don't believe we have gotten to that point. Very nice. 4.5/5
Characthers? I dont like Rana. But, since that is due to extreme bias due to a personality trait, I dont feel that this assesment is fair. Because they do have personalities, and that is something that should be taken seriously-´. 5/5
Overall? 5/5
JonsoonRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Overall: This story knows what it wants to do, focuses on that, and does it incredibly well. The worldbuilding is fantastic, the slow-burn suspense pushed me to continue reading, and the mysterious dystopian atmosphere was subtle yet powerful. If I was to compare it to anything, I'd compare it to George Orwell's 1984, it gave me the same vibe anyway.
Style: The writing style is great. It's quick and sparse when it needs to be and slow and detailed when it needs to be. This is something that can especially be seen in the prologue. However, I would say that chapter 1 was a bit too sparse and made it a bit hard to follow due to a large amount of information and different characters being thrown at you all at once. I think the confusion could've been remedied by putting more time into establishing each individual character by adding some sensory description to them, because the more you describe a thing, the more it sticks in your mind.
Story: The main draw of this story for me was the mystery and worldbuilding. I wanted to know what was going on with this world and these characters but also dreaded to know because I knew whatever it was that this world or these characters were up to wasn't good. That's great. However, after what I've read in the story, there is a lack of progression which is why I gave it 4.5 instead of 5. But this is more to do with how the protagonist is designed so I'll leave that until then.
Grammar: Occasional misspellings and wonky sentences, but that's to be expected in web novels so I'll let it slide. Otherwise, the prose did exactly what it needed to.
Character: The world building and overall story are pretty great. As I said before, the slow-burn suspense, the mysterious atmosphere, and spooky yet detailed worldbuilding all works fabulously. But I think the characters could use some improvement.
I'm not entirely sure what Rana's role will be in the story, but thus far she's been presented in an incredibly effective way; she's mysterious, she'
Gryphon10Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
I've only read to chapter 12, blah blah blah, you get the point if you read more than two reviews.
Style: The prose is pretty good and the way the author conveys the setting makes me think that this is an actual world that could exist. The only real problem I have is that in the longer paragraph's, dialogue can be pretty hard to see. Especially with dealing with Arn's actual thoughts. I recommend italicising his thoughts when in a lengthy paradgraph so it can stick out a bit more.
Grammar: No real problems here. There was probably only two words that I saw were misspelled which is pretty great.
Story: The parts that I read feels more like a set-up to a story rather than a story on its own, and that actually gets me excited. The way the story is set up brings up the political affairs of crazy rebels and a dystopian governement to the forefront. The mystery of who is really in the right and the mystery of what the true history of the world is will probably what keeps me reading. Amazing job there.
Character: I can really only talk about Arn as a character since he's the only character with any amount of depth to him as of yet. Not saying the other characters are bad, I'm saying that its too early to tell what they're really about compared to Arn.
I'm guessing from what I've read that Arn is going to end up being the 'teenager caught between a rebellion and dystopia' type of protagonists. Although that type of character has been done to death, especially in YA, that doesn't mean there isn't potetnial here. If Arn focuses more on the mystery of the world and comes up to his own conclusion, rather than just listen to one side and says, "Okay I'm going with them," especially when both sides are shown to not be too trustworthy, then I can see Arn becoming an amazing protagonist. It's also great to show how far Arn was with believing the inspectorate, no questions asked, as it shows what effect these types of governments put on their people.
Overall: Highly rec
horizon108Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Disclaimer: I have read till chapter 13 - Home Sweet Home, which is where I have reviewed this novel.
Overall Score: 4.5/5 - Fantastic world building, engaging dialogue, incredible lore, and grammatically almost perfect. I loved it.
Style score: 4.5/5 - The style was a welcome change, as it was wholly a traditional novel being played out in front of my eyes and in the depths of my mind as the world was constructed and Arn's life unfolded. It was quite good, but it takes a bit of time to get used to in the beginning.
Story score: 4/5 - So far, the foreshadowing hints, the clans and the clanless; they all are leading somewhere spectacular, but since the chapters are limited by time, I am unable to fully give this particular section a higher score without seeing how the rest of the plot unfolds. But so far, thoroughly enjoyed it.
Grammar score: 4.5/5 - I usually give a standard 4/5 rating if the grammar is up to acceptable standards, but this book went above and beyond my standards and the rating is definitely justified. I must have found barely a handful of errors in total.
Character score: 3.5/5 - There aren't many characters who get on scene time apart from Arn and Rana. Rana is just plain dislikable, and Arn on the other hand was going through shock and trauma, neither of which lend themselves to a character shining.
Hence, I had to knock a few half stars off, but this is purely a personal choice and it shouldn't influence you.
Final Verdict: A really good book, and the author even has a map for the book! Check it out and you won't be disappointed.
Good luck to the author for the future, and I hope you enjoy reading this book as much as I did.
trianman67Royal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Overall: Takes a while to get in, then when it goes, its goes. Sort of a fantasy, thriller mash-up (at least now, very light elements of each.) Could use a lot of extra details, but that's good because I want to be more involved.
Style: Style is basic. Not bad, just basic. I think it could use a lot more description. Where there's character description, I want more environments, and where there are more environments, I also want more character stuff. I think the best thing to say is that sometimes I get lost in the story while following through with everything. But it's definitely readable, and when it has a good balance of everything, which it definitely does in the later chapters, it's like being with an old, comfy friend, which is really great.
Grammar: Definitely could use some touching up, especially with a lot of the commas. It's not too often, but it's spaced out enough to where I notice it and it takes me out of the story. I think flow from description and dialogue could have some more love as well. Sometimes, it feels like dialogue is just thrown in, and it would soar ever higher if it was presented better.
Story: The story is interesting. This could overlap with the style, but to try not to spoil anything, I'd say it's a story that presents itself as a stereotypical "boy goes to magic school for the first time" trope and messes around with that in a way that may have been done before, but I thoroughly enjoyed its execution in a way that I wouldn't have in other stories. I await the next chapters.
Character: I think this is definitely something that needs more chapters to flesh out. In all honesty, when I first started, the characters felt flat, but then, later on, you start to see other sides of the characters that help add meat to the story. I wonder if the author can go back and make the characters feel more fleshed out before the later parts. Then again, that's probably part of the balancing act of having a sort of fantasy/thriller.
Congratulations: Eve
WorryWriteRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
So far...
English grammar is okay, but far from fluent (at the very least, I can read it). Story has direction and substance overall, but lacks small scale organization; direction and characters easily get lost in the jumble of describing what is happening.You’ve got the guts of it down, and I get the feeling you could definitely churn out content for chapters, but the quality would be about the same. That is to say, you have a clear vision of what you’re writing, or so it seems, but you need more experience to make it a great story that will draw in readers.
I'm not sold initially that this is something that will hold my attention, but I'm willing to keep reading for now.
By way of criticism, it's not a bad story but the writing needs polish. If I was going to give you two things to work on (and really if you decide you want to revise and have more than two goals or things you want to work on for revision, you're going to fail in your revision), I'd say punctuation and organization. So:
1) Learn where you need commas and where you don't (which, admittedly is very hard for most people).
2) Slow your narration down, figure out where everything is—picture everything like its laid out on a stage and is being performed by actors—then write it out again.
Don't take this as a negative review, please. I am incredibly harsh when I review, at least by a lot of peoples standards.
(Arrived here from the LookingForReaders subreddit)