My shop between planes

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

After the earth went through the last devastating world war, it tore a Purple Rift in the sky that changed the way the world worked. Those who didn't die, mutated or became immune. The next generation was born already with adaptation and with new, unusual powers. The Purple Rift filled the world with spiritual power. The main character, Dai, is just an ordinary nobody, trying to make her way through a dangerous world and earn her place in the inner circle of the city and away from danger. She never expected that the person sitting on the pile of pillows had something completely different planned for her.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: SalivaSpittingWorm

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.1/ 5.0
Followers: 64
Views: 40,721

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(6)

PenguinsAreScaryRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Let's start with the obvious thing: The author is not a native speaker and it shows. To me not to a level where it impairs the story (as someone interested in linguistics, I actually enjoyed trying to figure out features of the author's native language and being right), but I did use the Edit Suggestions button in just about every chapter. Most of the errors made are the complicated ones. The ones that "the squiggly lines don't catch", so this is not a fault of carelessness of the author.
The other thing that I would object to is what others complained that I don't do in my own story, so I am fully subjective on this (but hey, this page has no qualification of taste to do a review, they even let me do it): Dialogue in the screenplay format. For example:
Yi-é: Get out here!
Elephant in the room: Wait, you see me?
Yi-é: We all do. We just have no idea what to do in regard to your presence so we pretend not to.
Instead of how I would have done it:
Yi-é shouted at the grey creature that was eating his peanuts seemingly without a care: Get out here!
The elephant in the room dropped the peanut and stared at the boy: Wait, you see me?
Yi-é sighed and then responded: We all do. We just have no idea what to do in regard to your presence so we pretend not to.
When I realised how often this was done, it was frustrating and even though I didn't point out every time it was done via the Edit Suggestions, I wanted because it just spoils my reading pleasure.
The characters are numerous, though of course Dai is the main one. Sometimes, the character skips make sense quickly, but sometimes, quite a few words, paragraphs and chapters pass until they become relevant. Dai seemed... naive to the world outside of a very narrow field of expertise. Painfully so. But sometimes, she is just quite shrewd, like when it pertains to the system. This starts to make sense after chapter 36-ish, but before it is somewhat jarring.
The many characters to which are jumped sometimes make it difficult to
ValentineNRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
First off, the grammar is kind of bad. Half a star bad, but not a full star bad.
Now that that's out of the way, the actual review.
Dai lives in a crappy dystopian world. She doesn't have much, just a little innate ability that meshes well with her desire for a peaceful life.
Then sh-tuff happens and she gets the chance to fulfil her dream of owning her own shop.
1. I like the humor.
2. I like the characters. Dai especially, as she doesn't bow to the system and does things her way.
WitchiaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
I can definitely sense that this was one of your earlier books. It has a different vibe compared to your more recent works, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The creativity and effort you put into this piece still make it worth reading. I have to say, the grammar isn't perfect, but it's not terrible either. There are just a few mishaps here and there, but considering English is not your first language, I applaud you for your efforts. It's clear that you have a passion for writing, and that shines through in your work. Overall, I'm a big fan of both you as an author and the books you write. I'm excited to see what you have in store for us in the future, including the ones I haven't had the chance to read yet. Keep up the great work and continue to grow as a writer.
I am truly grateful for your consistent efforts in writing and sharing your thoughts on a regular basis. Your dedication to creating and posting content is commendable, and it is evident that you have put a significant amount of time and energy into your work. I know, cause I write myself. It ain't no joke man. Gotta fight with my creativity and the laziness to motivate myself to write. Yet, you're here every other day, delivering. You be eating and leaving no crumbs my good man.
On an off note, let me just take a quick break from pretending to be a serious Your books are seriously amazing! I mean, your totally killing it man, I can tell that you're rocking it. Keep up the great work, my writing friend!
ScruffedUpRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Style:
Pro: I like the custom asterism's
Cons:
While the premise and world building is kinda unique, there are a few things I take issue with that make reading a bit iffy.
1. So much bold.
For some reason all of the talking is in bold, now this may be a writing style or whatever but I genuinely dislike it. I have never read any other book that has had all of its speaking in bold, it also hurts because bold is usually used as a way to signify importance.
A God Speaks
A King Decrees
The World Shrieks
That type of thing. When every conversation is in bold it not only removes any impact from trying to use bold in those situations, it genuinely looks worse in the long run.
This choice is made even weirder when you read and conversations from the system itself are in normal font. "Like this". I don't understand this choice at all. I would recommend swapping them at the very least, even if I think that system texts should be held within custom text boxes as a general rule.
2. A few of the chapters are rather short.
This is mostly a personal thing, so it doesnt affect my score that much. I recommend 3k words bare minimum, with no more than 5k. Anything below 3k is really short, especially by 'published' standards that the professionals use. Its why books that are bloody massive in libraries will only have 30-50 chapters, because even if theres 250k words, each chapter is like 5k words at most. 3.5/5
Story:
The story itself is the main upside to this novel, luckily.
Usually its the other way around, decent writing, custom art or asterisms, and a lackluster story chugging it along.
Even with the previously listed issues, and the grammar issues, I find myself enjoying the story a decent bit.
You have the creativity, just need help with the writing aspect.
Grammar:
I have noticed a fair amount of spelling or grammar mistakes within the book. On the first chapter alone I found two and those were just the two I bothered commenting on. And a chapter or two after that I saw a comme
dabo1Royal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Shop development is pretty ok but the character's personality doesn't match the character's background. We also have quite a few branching storylines, which take the focus a bit away from the shop and the main character. Furthermore as far as I can tell there is a fair amount of dumb decisions being made by the main character.
Main issues:
-why go to Shelter 1, there might be other places closer by, and there might be others nearby
-currency conversion, the world does not use the shop currency, but nowhere do we actually get info on how much that is actually worth compared to the world economy
-Employee contract, why care that it is done with the system, it doesn't seem to limit it too much, so why not just hire him, the extra protection doesn't seem necessary since shop keeper is anyway there and can use his own features, so no real reason to waste ticket
-The anonymity feature of the store doesn't really work, people can still see people entering the store + for training in combat(1vs1, might need to view facial features)
-Shop Keeper doesn't seem to care at all about safety, she got just a strange encounter, the world seems to be pretty cutthroat, but she seems to be acting like no one would do anything to her to try to get it
-People seem to have abilities in this world, so why do we only have other than cultivators 2 people with one so far + shop doesn't really target towards them
-Shop Keeper doesn't really know what the effects are of stuff she sells e.g. providence
HippioScipioRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Overall - I enjoyed many elements of the story and writing but the way in which it was formatted and presented made reading this fiction difficult.
Style - The writing style is good, generally, but some aesthetic decisions weren't to my liking. I.e., System prompts weren't spaced out enough, making discerning where one ended and a new one began difficult from a glance.
Story - Ok.
Characters - I liked the MC.
Grammar - I didn't think grammar was much of an issue here.
TLDR: If you can get past the aesthetic problems, then you will probably find enjoyment from reading this.