Mortal's Fate - High Fantasy, mortal's take on the Cultivation

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2022

Author

Wandering Joe

• Chapter 9: Mission and delivery
  Jun 17, 2022
• Chapter 8: Shocking night before the storm
  Jun 16, 2022
• Chapter 7: Mixing
  Jun 16, 2022
• Chapter 6: Spying endeavor
  Jun 15, 2022
• Chapter 5: Another day
  Jun 15, 2022
• Chapter 4: Questions without answers
  Jun 14, 2022
• Chapter 3: Spying
  Jun 14, 2022
• Chapter 2: Feast with a twist of fist
  Jun 13, 2022
• Chapter 1: Boy with a hammer
  Jun 13, 2022
• Prologue
  Jun 13, 2022

Reviews

Community Reviews(4)

• thegoodman99Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Overall:
  Overall Mortal's fate is a good read especially if you are interested in blacksmithing and crafting. Allen is the son of a blacksmith. Together he and his father work in the forge creating and repairing weapons. A lot of thought and detail is placed in the blacksmithing lore which adds a rich layer to the story.
  I haven't gotten to the later chpaters but from what I have read it is evident that this story has got good bones. The prologue is a little rough to get through but can be cleaned up with some editing. I do like the larger scale presented to us in the prologue.
  5/5 Hammers would recommend, especially if you are a blacksmithing junkie.
  Style: Plenty of details fill the pages giving us ample description of blacksmithing and the world. While at the same time not overcrowding the page and slowing the story down.
  Grammer:
  There are some issues with the grammar here and there. Nothing major and the story is easy enough to follow.
  Story:
  Based on the prologue there is a lot of room for the story to develop. As mentioned before there is a good foundation that is laid and now it is a matter of letting the story build. I have no reason to doubt that the author will deliver a fulfilling story.
  Character:
  The story follows Allen who is a likeable lad. He has a good relationship with his dad. The writer does a great job showing what allen cares about: His father, blacksmithing, reading, stealthy adventures, and buffets. On top of all of that, he is strong and capable.
  It will be interesting to see how the unfolds. Thanks for writing!
• visigothRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Its honestly pretty stale as well as gramatically flawed for the first ten chapters which i think may be why people arent picking the story up.
  It definitly requires a deep interest in crafting in order to tolerate the initial flaws.
  often times the author mixes and matches his father and his name as if they were different people thus creating some initial confusion.
  Overall though i can tell that the author has a solid grasp on the world hes creating as well as the depth of the cultivation aspects.
  All of this leads to a story that has a rough start but will probably pay off in the long run.
• A V DalcourtRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  Characters: We have a diverse cast of characters, each feels like they have a strong identity, even if I got a little confused in the action and dialogue sequences, but that’s more of a style issue than a character issues. I think the characters themselves feel real enough and have a nice development to them over the course of the story without dropping all of their background information on us all at once. It’s nice to see that the writer managed to avoid this newbie mistake – good job!
  Story: The prologue starts us off 100 years or so before the main event, at least that’s what I understood. The main story – I think – is focused on the cusp of a war, or the war of the prologue was just passed down as a fiction story – I’m not sure.  We follow Allan, the teenage son of a blacksmith, who aspires to be a blacksmith himself. So far in the story he’s been running errands for his dad. And there’s this mystery involving a letter or a book – I’m not sure.
  Style: Written in 3rd person. The scene breaks are odd, which made following the action difficult and often jarring.
  Grammar: This was one of the many points that may help with the clarity of what’s going on. The writer switches from past to present tense often, and often misses words (for the most part minor but does so regularly – I’d recommend a spellcheck but it won’t help catch missing words). Another glaring issue is the wrong word choice – there were several instances of ‘that word doesn’t mean what you think it means in the context of that sentence’, but that’s nothing that little dictionary spelunking can’t cure, and maybe hold back on the thesaurus (a crime I was totally guilty of in my early writing days – most readers don’t want big chewy words).
  Overall, I like the ideas presented in the story, and I think as you develop as a storyteller, you’ll be able to pull off the execution needed for these phenomenal ideas. Until then, keep at it, focus on finishing your first draft of the story, and then come back to
• Rookie_WriterRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  So I'm writing parts of this review as I read, so forgive me if it sounds disconnected. The first gripe I have with the story is the intro, it just introduces what I assume is the city we're in, but it's not really specified. Additionally, the fight and the dialogue is a bit clunky. The dialogue feels a bit forced and the action doesn't really feel impactful. In the first few lines, it says that he appeared in front of the guards, but it doesn't specify how, did he teleport with magic or stealth up to them? Additionally, I'm not really completely sure what happened at the end of the opening scene, did he show a badge or something?
  So I realized that I was being a bit too harsh with this so far, and decided to just give a summary of what I thought. Overall the detail and dialogue of each scene was, not the best, however, considering that English isn't your native language, this is still fairly impressive. It's clear that you have a good concept, but it's execution was not the best. I can't really go higher due to the grammatical errors and other mistakes, so I'll give it a solid 3.5.
  The only real problem with the story was really just the fact that you weren't really familiar with English. Improve at English, and you'll have a really solid story