Idle Dreamer: First World

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2020

Author

SaitamaTsukino

• 06 Kin
  Feb 25, 2020
• 05 Swarm
  Feb 24, 2020
• 04.5
  Aug 5, 2020
• 04 Storm
  Feb 23, 2020
• 03 Alive
  Feb 22, 2020
• 02 Sparks
  Feb 21, 2020
• 01 Breath
  Feb 12, 2020

Reviews

Community Reviews(6)

• Hamptont2010Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Hello!
  So I really like what you have so far.  The story itself is extremely intriguing.  Right from the beginning, your words draw the reader in.  The first chapter has a sort of sing-song poetic quality to it. Your cadence in your writing is quite captivating.
  It is also a bit confusing and chaotic in the beginning, which I feel is intended and really works here. As the world comes together and the different creatures gain knowledge, the chaos subsides.
  Most if the issues I saw while reading were mostly spelling/grammatical and would be very easy to fix with a quick read-through.  For example:  there are some places, especially earlier on, that could use a comma to help differentiate descriptors and what not.
  -"A desire to live a need to survive" chapter 2 would benefit from a comma after live
  -"The work went on nervously each looking side to side over their shoulder flinching at imagined blows" chapter 3, a comma after nervously and again after shoulder would make this sentence much more clear.
  And for certain grammatical issues, again these could be fixed with some simple editing. For example:
  -"They pulled out and twisted into place with a click. Once connected it issues the command" chapter 5, the word issues is present tense, which is different from the rest of the story and even the verbs in the preceding sentence.
  -"When all of the Kesit were brought to the pit in the forest he’d have to either have to stop blowing and when that happened the hive would swarm him." Chapter 5, you say he would have to either and then only list one thing though it looks like the either was mean to be removed and the sentence to just read "he'd have to stop blowing"
  Like I said, those are minor issues and easy to fix.  Apart from the little mistakes like those, your good easily outweighs your bad.  The world you have built is both unique and interesting.  There is a certain feeling of dread and claustrophobia you invoke, even when characters are in open spaces.  As I said befor
• Skylark (Dion Sky)Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Well. This was an experience.
  Idle Dreamer: First World begins with the creation and destruction of a universe, and goes from there. This is one of those stories I really want to discuss in detail but struggle to do so without giving away spoilers. It's the kind of story that lingers in your mind long after you read it. And it's the kind of story I could see being handed out to schoolchildren in their English Literature classes for in-depth analysis of themes and techniques.
  It's also very unpolished.
  But it's so close to being something great.
  What we have here is a story of civilisational development as seen through the lens of brutal survival in an unforgiving alien world. It sits in that odd space between fantasy and sci-fi, with such a unique take on some well-worn tropes of both genres that they're almost unrecognisable. This is the story to read if you're after a fresh take on, well, a lot of things. I was impressed.
  The first thing you'll notice will likely be the unusual and verbose style, though the tone varies wildly depending on whose perspective it's coming from at the time. At times it reads like Fantasy Nature Documentary: The Book; at others, almost poetry; at others still, a more traditional narrative.
  The story is not going to make it easy for you, though. There's a reason I'm likening it to material for someone's dissertation topic. There are unreliable narrators galore, incomplete information, obscure scientific terms (I learnt to read this with a dedicated tab open in Google), and perspectives running the gamut from alien minds and cultures to sociopathy, trauma, enlightenment and madness. No one in this story is likeable or relatable. I found it a genuine struggle to read from start to finish, and felt like I'd need to go back and do an in-depth academic analysis to understand everything that was going on. And even then, I suspect it would take someone smarter than me to figure it out.
  And, like some great literary classics, it somehow works de
• ZZZXRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  This is a very interesting, albeit at times confusing story here.
  Generally, the story has a very wide scope and range as it expanded. As the world is displayed in a way that almost reminds me of a mix of playing a game of something like Stellaris or Civ and watching a documentary of the cycle of life perhaps.
  Of course, that is an extreme and unfair oversimplification, however, it has driven me with interest as I read through it. Really at times wanting to know what's coming next.
  The only "complaints" if I can call them ones since it would be even less fair to call them so, would be how confusing the beginning could be, as well as some minor stylizing and formatting which I will contact the author with as soon as I have time. It will be necessary to go through the first few chapters slowly as things pick up, only then will you be rewarded with this gem.
  I plan to release an advanced review later after a few more chapters are release and I re-read it.
• AnjinRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  SaitamaTsukino's work is an ambitious piece, with incredible scope. We don't fall neatly in with familiar characters, or even races, the author builds a world from the bottom up, and does so effectively.
  It can be hard work at times. When you describe the formation of a universe the reader isn't immediately aware what they need to focus on and what will crop up later. I found myself having to backtrack to remind myself of the world's current state and the appearance/ characteristic of the creatures that would later take centre-stage. This can easily be rectified with a few descriptive comments from the author, to jog the reader's memory.
  I have made the unprecedented decision not to do a 'full' review in this case, simply because I don't think the 4 standard categories apply in the usual sense. The point here is not to empathise with characters, and a story, in the conventional sense, is still being formed on the back of some very accomplished world building.
  That brings me to a quick aside - This is a sci-fi. In my mind the tags for this novel do not tell me anything about the piece. I see 'high fantasy', 'action' and 'adventure' married together and my mind is already wandering Middle Earth. I would like to see fewer tags, streamlined to convey a sense of the actual story. It may limit the reader base, but I think a larger percentage will stick around.
  I will talk about style and grammar here, but I did not rate them as they are so heavily intertwined. The author does something very clever in the first couple of chapters - SaitmaTsukino plays with sentence structure, sentence length and grammar in order to show a young, immature universe developing into a complex one. We move from short, clipped. half-sentences to long, flowing prose. However, (and this is a big, big, however) if you are playing with grammar then you need to show your reader right away that you know your stuff. There are typos, misspellings and genuine errors that unfortunately detract from the ef
• MTurnerRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  You prose while well written
  More companion piece than story
  Something more like Simarillion
  Than rousing or inflammatory
  It seemed more like history lesson
  In a world we're not yet invested
  I'm sure it would pay off to press on
  No hook so t'was hard to stay interested
  I must say your knowledge is vast
  Of our grand biological past
  Which in quite an interesting way
  You found no trouble to portray
  I did much enjoy your format
  The pacing and structure felt that
  You were writing in poetic verse
  It was pleasurable text to traverse
  I'm sure there will be a great pay-off
  The clock might just be a trade off
  So in your grandiose info dumptruck
  I wish you all the best luck
  ------
  Aside: there's a few typos here and there in the story. May be worth chucking into something like Google Docs or Word to help identify them. As someone else said you're doing something ambitious and so need the slick grammar and spelling to back it up. Good luck, I hope I don't seem too negative. What you're doing is super cool and I hope you can make it pay off.
• wordsinalineRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Idle Dreamer is ambitious. Them's the least word I can use and mean for it.
  Saitama's building a whole world here, and it's creative and it's engaging. But it's the clarity that's holding this story back from being something truly wonderful.
  I'm seeing a lot of mistakes, some of which are serious enough to mislead the reader. And they happen often enough that the truly creative and clever things the Author is doing become victim to the question: ''Was this a choice or a mistake?'
  A new reader will experience a fairly deliberate, and somewhat slow opening. Don't let that put you off. There's a lot of important worldbuilding in there, and is a wise investment for the longer story.
  Another item which is tough to measure but is important to bring up, is that the story is currently under some revisions, and I've noticed that the changes are affecting how I perceive the personality of the characters.  Not necessarily a bad thing, simply confusing while the story is in flux (and may be resolved fairly soon)
  I will say, this story is worth toughing through the rough bits, but at the same time you shouldn't have to tough through any rough bits. If the revisions come through, then this could really hone down to a unique and robust story. I'll be watching to see how it develops.