Guns and Magic: In the light of the scarlet sunset on Thalack [LitRPG VRMMO] rewrite
Community Rating
Description
Blake is a retired soldier with PTSD syndrome and a dark past, living in the early twenty-fourth century. The only medicine that helps to cope with the symptoms is a VR game. «Guns and Magic» is an exceptional game created with the Government's and the Ministry of Defense's support, where players use old, twentieth-century weapons to achieve their own goals, but magic is just at an arm's length too. "Thalack" is a unique virtual world where levels without skills mean nothing, with complex mechanics of moral choices and huge penalties for death. In the struggle to be the best, the developers offer to fulfill the top player's wish. Blake accepts the developers' challenge and becomes Ronnie. Ronnie is a character that combines the rare craft of a gunsmith with the deadly shot of a sniper. With his trusty Barrett M107A1, he's ready to take on the world.
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Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Year
- 2022
- Author
- Golenishchev Andrey
Tags
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 4.0/ 5.0
- Followers
- 35
- Views
- 17,401
Chapters(45 total)
Reviews
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Community Reviews(2)
- M.D. WellsRoyal Road★★★★ 4.0Okay as a start I have to say that the premise is interesting. I find myself being drawn into the world and wanting to know more. But there are some things I can't seem to get past.
Grammar: 3.5
I might be off the mark here but it seems like english isn't your first language. Is this story translated from another language? Or did you write it in English? When it comes to the structure of the narration its hard to follow and I find myself having to re-read certain parts of it to understand what's going on more clearly.
It isn't that I think its bad, I just have a hard time following along seamlessly. If it is a matter of the language barrier its not really much of a problem and nothing that would make me want to put down the book and abandon it. I'm not sure where else to categorize this problem I have other than in the grammar department.
That said, sentence structure aside I'm not seeing any glaring errors or misspellings. Pretty solid overall, but a 3.5
Style: 4
While things like this aren't usually my cup of tea I can see myself enjoying this story. I'm not too big into guns and war. I of course played my fair share of COD but it was always at a casual level. Still, this story is interesting enough that it can hold my attention. For that, you're doing a good job since, like I said, this type of thing isn't usually what I'm into.
Additionally, your descriptive powers are very impressive and I quite enjoy the way you illustrate the world and its characters. You do very well in that department and if you tighten up the grammar like I mentioned above you'll really be cooking with gas then! All in all: Well done!
Story/Character: 3.5/ 4
As I said before, this type of narrative isn't what I usually go for. But you do a good job of keeping me interested and engaged with what's going on and wanting to know more. I like Ronnie and I want to see what other adventures await him as he plays through this game. That is very important for an MC and you do it well.
Keep up the g - Writer's ScienceRoyal Road★★★★ 4.0I liked the story, it's just not my usual genre, so my rating is purely based on technique.
Stylistically, as another reviewer notes, the pacing is a bit off, but as I have personal experience as a multilingual I completely understand. It's likely something was just lost in translation and this feeds in to my grammar score for this story. There's not much else to say on these two scores.
Story wise, like I said, it's not my usual genre, that hasn't detracted from the underlying story or technique for me, I therefore have no qualms in giving the story portion 5 star.
Character is where I'm moderately forced to lower the scored as it is stated in the text that PTSD can cause you to go on a killing spree when off your medication. This isn't the case. for PTSD, anti-depressants are prescribed, not antipsychotics. In very severe cases of PTSD, adult sufferers are noted to act out what happened to during the traumatic event, but a full blown killing spree is extremely improbable.
Due to the stigma around mental health in general, there is a certain amount of responsibility in main stream media to portray things as accurately as possible within the realms of fiction. I also feel that the symptoms of PTSD could have been played with a little more in Ronnie. So, purely from a sensitivity reading standpoint I gave a 3.5.