Forbidden Paradise: The experience of Vergil Collins.

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Do you think the end is near? Have you ever believe in a story long lost in the passage of time? Let me warn you as the witness of my world's ending remember that past is a valuable lesson but future maybe an unknown tragedy.

Information

Status: Completed
Year: 2024
Author: Jureka

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.9/ 5.0
Followers: 6
Views: 3,091

Chapters(7 total)

What readers say about Forbidden Paradise: The experience of Vergil Collins.

“Stellar opening, mate. I particularly like how you have changed things since the first time. The city of Ekarafe was painted much better this time around, as I enjoyed the bleak tone. Sylvia's quote also sets a nice tone for the perspective of things. Your…”
Akito B. TakahashiRoyal Road5.0 / 5
“Style: The style choice is unique. We're basically in the MC's perspective as he reads through journal entries written by someone else. One thing I realized is that at parts of the story, it is inconsistent. The style sometimes stays the same or it needs to…”
simplyleoRoyal Road4.5 / 5

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(8)

Akito B. TakahashiRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Stellar opening, mate. I particularly like how you have changed things since the first time. The city of Ekarafe was painted much better this time around, as I enjoyed the bleak tone. Sylvia's quote also sets a nice tone for the perspective of things. Your vivid descriptions jotted down a strong setting. I particularly like the conflicting sides between economic classes. Great writing, mate. Simply great.
Let's consider some strengths. First, the forbidden quest. Quite captivating, friend. Now, that is what is considered a clever plot twist. I also enjoyed the imagery behind the grotesque eye. There's obviously a lot of existential questions, but the overall nature of life did fit the premise.
Considering I’ve read multiple versions of this tale, you did a very fair job in its revisions. Pacing is on point, the emotional journey takes hold for the protagonist, and the ending leaves readers desiring more closure. These are sometimes things I like because they allow me personally to create my own ending in case I'm not satisfied. Granted, I’m sure a lot of us know what really happened.
That being said, oh, aspiring student, Forbidden Paradise, despite the strange characters, has chilling imagery that makes it worth my time.
simplyleoRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Style:
The style choice is unique. We're basically in the MC's perspective as he reads through journal entries written by someone else. One thing I realized is that at parts of the story, it is inconsistent. The style sometimes stays the same or it needs to be formatted correctly. I would say pacing is also odd because some parts felt rushed due to the length of the story itself.
Story:
I think the story is good. The only shame is that it's a short story, so the length to go into details about the book and the characters is limited. The way scenes are described in the book paints a clear picture, but it's difficult to find a balance as there is also a focus on character development.
Grammar:
There were some spelling mistakes and grammar issues but it wasn't enough to deter from the story.
Character:
This is where I had a hard time trying to rate the characters themselves. I feel like the overall premise of the characters wasn't bad. It's just that with the nature of short stories, there wasn't enough time to flush them out properly.
Overall:
The story wasn't bad, but it wasn't my cup of tea because, personally, I like long stories that I can sink into. I would recommend giving this story a read though because it was pleasant and the delivery wasn't that bad.
ATristeRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This was such an extreme improvement from the first work. For a short story, it's well done and interesting. I like that you stuck with/continued the world of the first work. I still hope to see something longer and even more developed come from this.
There are still some minor grammar/punctuation errors, but they are, I repeat, MINOR. You can fix most of them in a day of proofreading. The readability of the story is very good, there were only a few times when I read a passage and didn't like the wording or word choice. There are a couple of times where you repeated words in the same sentence, which, unless intentional, makes my heart bleed. Your dialogue can still be improved, some of the conversations between the MC and Nicole feel slightly forced, or just not natural. Dialogue should be similar to what you experience in everyday life; like I said in the first stories review, give your characters a life of their own and stay true to their voice. It makes dialogue a lot easier to craft.
All-in-all this was well done. Your improvement is astounding, I'm jealous. Keep improving, and please turn this into a full novel or series. I'd love to read it.
Son of LifeRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
I'm based. Well it's still too early to judge this but if you read his first fiction named ' a quest for you' you will realise how much he improved.
I like the premis of the story though it doesn't feel like a mystery. There are many questions I have.
What is this book?
Who is this Raphriam Abraham guy?
Is this Raphriam Abraham guy the Raphriam from the story the Fallen Eden, the author's previous work?
What is this story trying to tell us?
And finally is Nicole in love with Vergil? Sorry that was a joke question.
Now in the story
The story starts with the view of the MC, like how disappointed he is with this world, how much bored he is with his life, the sad truth behind the progress of his world sacrificing nature in the name of progress.
But it's also a story about a past long forgotten, a past before Genesis. It's a story that will surely leave a bitter taste in my mouth of the author executes this story perfectly. Well he did made Nicole fall for him.
Now I am going to recommend it to my friend Glory to the King. Even though he might have already found this story.
Oh and please give a try to the story witches it's pretty good. Though only the first chapter have been released.
M T ConboyRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
enjoyed this! As I said earlier, it has the feel of a poem and the ending does nothing to change my mind on that. If at some point you sit down and edit this, you could have something really special! As it is, it's a little quick for my taste and lacking in narrative movement - however, those things are less important in a poetry setting and I'm giving this work the benefit of looking at it in that light.
It isn't my ideal story (those are much longer) and there's some editing to be done, but this is a solid bit of writing.
A fun tale from Jureka, a nice stab at worldbuilding and character work that, while lacking in content, isn't lacking in flair. Well done, Jureka!
Athen_Royal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This sequel delivers a thrilling ride, showcasing a marked improvement over your previous work. The expansion of this universe is captivating, and I eagerly await your future installments.
Style (3.5/5): The story effectively establishes a world hundreds, possibly thousands, of years after the events of the first tale. The world-building being particularly evident in the prologue and later chapters, is impressive and richly described, making the story an engaging read.
Story (5/5): As emphasized in my prior review, the story is the heart and soul of this project. This sequel upholds that standard. While numerous questions remain unanswered, I have faith they will be addressed as the series progresses.
Grammar (4.5/5): The grammar in this story exhibits a significant improvement compared to the first. While a few minor errors persist, it's just nitpicking and they are inconsequential to the reading experience.
Characters (3.5/5): The cast remains limited in this entry, featuring primarily Virgil as the protagonist. While Virgil is well-developed and engaging, Nicole plays a more minor role. However, their interactions provide entertaining moments.
Overall (4/5): This is a thoroughly enjoyable read, leaving me yearning for further exploration of this universe. As I said, there are a lot of questions I have, like, "Who is God and what happened to him?" "What is this great eye?" And I hope they get answerd soon. I highly recommend others to read this.
hesrethRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
Its a quick short read, a guy finds a book in the trash and reads it and that's about it. Well, okay no that's not all it, but I'll leave you to find that on your own.
The language can be a tad too flowery, but I can't fault it--the author's got a decent grasp on English.
The standout for this book is the world, or well, however much of it is explored. It feels expansive and loved in and there certainly seems to be a lot more stories to be told but....
That harms the main objective of this book, or at least the objective that I think that the book was meant to fulfill, which is being a character study. There just isn't enough content and enough time to spend it on both.
A confused pacing compunds that. It's not the best at building up tension, not the greatest at exploiting narrative beats to show us more of the world or the character.
All in all, neat concept, good potential, execution needs work.
I'm looking forward to the author's growth tho. Keep it up!
AustenKeatsRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
I enjoyed this short story/novella. It was easy to become immersed in the world of the story quite quickly. Moreover, I liked how there were normal, relatable aspects of the MC set in a world where strange and fantastical things could happen. A strong example of low fantasy, among other strengths.
Style: The style of this story is one of its strengths. The writing is smooth, comfortably paced, and first person. The choice of first person underscores the relatability of the MC. I felt as though I were privy to the MC's thoughts, or as though I were being told by the MC the description of his experiences.
Grammar: With regard to grammar, there were minor instances where improvements could be made. Editing/proofreading from self & others could easily remove these errors. In no way do the errors take away from the quality of the story itself, or the quality of the writing.
Story: The story itself is my favorite aspect of this story. In particular the in-story passages from the fictional book found by the MC were fascinating. In fact, I would like to see a whole short story/novella/novel written about just that book and the character that wrote it.
The ending of the story was strong, and it surprised me considerably. I really enjoyed how there was tension building throughout the narrative, which I did not really become aware of fully until the events of the ending came to fruition. One thing that could have enhanced this dynamic is more foreshadowing throughout the text prior to the ending (the foreshadowing that was included in the text was excellent). This would add to the sense of tension, making the reader increasingly and enjoyably sensing that something is just not right.
Character: The MC, as I have stated, was relatable and likable. The character of the MC's housemate could have been fleshed out more, and the dialogue between the characters could have been deepened & adjusted to feel more organic. However, writing organic dialogue is one of the toughest parts of