Flames of Dawn

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

SERIES DISCONTINUED

REMAKE IN CHRONICLES OF ORYN: DAWN OF THE SCION

Kiera Bloodcrest is a 17-year old girl that's torn away from her home to become a slave and finds herself in the middle of an uprising after being rescued by a rebellion. While she and the rebellion struggle for survival, she decides to join them so she can save her family from the current Emperor's tyranny. But the Lands of Trinity are treacherous, especially in these grim times and the Emperor is the most powerful man in Oryn. Many would say this attempt of overthrowing the Emperor is a lost cause because of that. Will they be right? Or will they be wrong?

Information

Status: Ongoing
Year: 2019
Author: xSparkZx

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.0/ 5.0
Followers: 10
Views: 7,888

Chapters(17 total)

Reviews

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Community Reviews(1)

Tana NariRoyal Road
★★ 2.0
The biggest flaw of this story is how it rushes everything. Events that should have taken a great deal of time, perhaps even entire books unto themselves, were resolved far too quickly and without any buildup. While I suppose one could thank the story for not wasting my time... the seige and fall of a city should not take place in less than a full chapter.
Most of the characters have a weak presense, mainly because of the aforementioned pacing flaw. The story jumps between numerous characters within the same chapter, and never really spends time getting to know any of them. In addition, they were often more stereotype than even archetype. While they had the potential to be interesting and enjoyable, they were simply too monodimensional and trope-heavy to work with.
Style- Rushed, as mentioned before. Also, there's precious little character voice and the dialogue is wooden and wordy. If you've seen the Star Wars prequels, or most of Shyamalan's works... expect dialogue not unlike that. Plus a weird blend of modern idioms and attempts at mimicking older dialects (the pirate was particularly painful to read).
Grammar- While it gets better as the story progresses, there are some notable flaws. In particular, the story switches between past and present tense from one paragraph to the next, and the author makes numerous mistakes with punctuation, especially surrounding dialogue text. Otherwise the vocabulary is good and I didn't notice any actual spelling errors.
Overall, what the story need(ed) was to be expanded. 30,000 words simply is not enough time to explore more than a fraction of the characters, plot events, and worldbuilding this story attempted to explore. It could be made ten times as large and still feel rushed in places.