Erden : Tale of a Land Forgotten

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Magic, monsters, and mystery— Fate uses the unexpected meeting of two children to spark a wave of change upon the land.

Comic Adaptation: https://tapas.io/episode/2299612

What to expect : 3rd Person, 800-1400 word chapters, Slow-burn

A rewrite of Land of Erden. Weekly updates on Friday!The plot stays the same as the original work, with just a few tweaks. I've decided to write in a way to further display each character's individuality as well. (I hope it shows.)

Feel free to point out mistakes, or roast me if things become a bit hard to read because of confusing prose.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2021
Author: Alkareel

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.1/ 5.0
Followers: 36
Views: 19,914

Chapters(54 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(4)

_Fowl_Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Title: Very cute
A boy discovers he cannot use magic and gets another power instead.
"[—You can't grasp our appearance as you have yet to form your mana roots. That, and your perception of mana is still dull. It's the same with this creature... kid, you are unaware of its danger.]"
There is a certain mystery to parts like this that I particularly enjoy.
As the author pointed out, it's quite the slow burn; although, I wouldn't say it's an empty burn. We get to see quite a few things in the first ten chapters.
I also have a soft spot for academies that might bump up the rating a little.
The mana roots system and the power system, in general, are not entirely clear to me and maybe they could be reiterated a couple of times more.
The style is "soft". It means that it flows evenly and has something very light-novel-y about it. I got a Disney-picture kind of feeling from certain parts, in a very good way.
The characters are fuzzy at the beginning, but I've yet to read the latest chapters ahead, so I'll give a full score based on what I've seen so far.
The grammar is good, nothing to complain about. Seems like the author edited his own story quite heavily and you can tell that some special care went into it.
Overall, I'd recommend this story as a change of pace from your usual novel.
A V DalcourtRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This story has some really great ideas that also feels very familiar, but as another review stated, it need a bit of work to really make this story shine.
Style: Style is 3rd person pov. Thoughts are set up in a interesting way, however most thoughts are used to express an action that is happening (telling the reader what is happening) which takes from the emersion of the scene (showing us what is happening), which in turn wastes the thought which could be used to express an aspect of the character's personality.
I very much enjoyed the short chapters, making it a very quick and easy read without feeling overwhelmed with finding a stopping point when I have to step away. It was a nice change.
Should the writer choose to do so, they have plenty of room to add in details, world building, and character interactions that don't rely on dialogue. Though the dialogue does feel a bit sparse, it feels very to-the-point, which I very much enjoy.
Grammar: I didn't notice any grammar issues. So full marks here.
Story: Our young hero has come of age and is desperately looking forward to learning magic, only to discover that he can't. It's not long before another spirit offers him their blessing granting him the power of fire, much to his household's mysery (Any one who has control over the themostat/AC knows how important this talent is).
In the backdrop something sinister is brewing. There's something involving a missing girl, and a war against mana beasts which his family are defending the wall against. We feel a real sense of urgency in our hero to join his brothers to defend the city/nation.
Characters: The characters are a little lacking in definition. We have a strong sense of who our Little Commander is, but there's no strong defining traits beyond what we're told for most all of the other characters. We need a bit more than just physical traits to connect with a character. It's more than physical traits that make a character memorable - it's through speech and actions, a
Blind_WatcherRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
As I stated for the title, the story has good foundations, but could use some polishing up to really shine.
The third person perspective and interesting use of prose isn't for everyone, but I kind of like it. The grammar is fine for the most part, but every so often there is a missing word or something phrased just a little bit 'off'. Activating the reader edit suggestions would go a long way to fixxing these issues, since they are rather far between.
The chapters are on the smaller side, 700-1000 ish, which is an interesting choice stylistically, but it can hurt the narrative sometimes which is a little disapointing. The upside of course, is that the author could return to those same chapers and beef them up a bit without bloating them, so silver linings.
The world itself seems quite interesting and rather different from the usual fantasy fair, although it can take a little while for that to become apparent.
The characters are interesting as well, although a few of the adults come across as being a bit to samey and I found myself mistaking them for one another sometimes before the dialogue literally referenced who was speaking.
I think a nice editting pass to resolve some of the more prominent grammar/spelling/error issues would do the story some good, but as is, it is still very much readable and i quite enjoyed it. Not my usual type of story, but definitely worth a read.
BullerRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Wasnt sure what to really think of this one. From my first impressions with the very first part of the first chapter, I can already say that there are some choices with the style that I just cant agree with. It's not meant as a inherently negative thing, but the way that its written just doesn't agree with me. Especially the conversational bits. Those were kind hard to get through with the belief that it was people talking.
Grammar was on the eh side. Not that good but also not that bad. A approximate of the average. Good enough. 4/5 from me-