The thunder lightning god get new life in another magical fantasy world with godly orb wich destroyed all god devil races and with this puzzled orb he descover new world filled with strong exerprs.

Read the endless journey of the lightning god....

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Zed_OudRoyal Road

★★★★★ 5.0

Review as of Chapter 12.
First of all, congratulations! You’ve been building to quite the novel character concept, and I think you’ve pulled it off!
Overall Review: An atypical VRMMO/FIVR story, and an atypical start.
Style: My only real drag in this story are elements of the narration or their lack at times in the story. I’m not sure if that was intentional as I see some of the annoying narratively negligent portions of the story might have been an intentional atmospheric effect of sorts now that I see where you were going in Chapter 12. Bravo if that was intentional all along, but I’d be glad to see that fade from the story with the MC’s growing sense of self-awareness. If you can prove that was intentional by picking up the detail and sharpness of intentional narration moving forward, you would have proven to have really grasped a level of planning and writing narration that’s masterful: textbook-level. You’d get +2 for that, but for now: -1. (I should add: Author, you had some decent foreshadowing sprinkled about and used well that added quite a few points in my book for this category, so good on you for that. If you can keep that up throughout your writing, I think that it serves to give a demonstration of the deliberateness of your writing which allows readers to suspend disbelief longer and follow along with weird stuff for longer. Good job, pretty natural.)
Story: Not enough chapters released yet, but I’m certainly impressed by the setting you’ve prepared us for. Seeing as Chapter 12 felt like the end of the introduction to me, I’m expecting a lot going forward, and I don’t think I’ll be disappointed. -0.5 because certain plot points, while well reasoned and addressed, did grate a bit much (like how he got out of the pit), or stretch too long (how long he spent). Taking off even this much is probably unnecessary.
Grammar: Certain bits of grammar and turns of phrase are not as smooth as I’d desire, but at that point we’d need the touch of an editor. Good job,

HyeonRoyal Road

★★★★★ 4.5

cool story with an cool idea, hoping for some release stability tho it kinda lacks in that aspect. looking forward to it !

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Community Reviews(2)