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This is a fan fiction of Dungeon Core Online, written by Glyax.https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/21501/dco--dungeon-core-online

DCO hit the world by storm. millions started playing the first day and millions more have joined since then. Fighting monsters and gaining levels is all fun and all, but there is more than one kind of gamer.Enter the loremaster.

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Sky3FallRoyal Road

★★★ 2.5

I have two major issues with how the story currently is, at Chapter 9.
The first thing that stood out to me was the flow of your writing. It just seems... flat. Consider the following paragraph, from the first chapter:
Terrance was not anything special. Most people find adventure in going into dungeons, slaying monsters, searching for riches and glory. Terrance was not like most people. He preferred a good story of such events over doing them himself. This put Terrance in an awkward place for the youth. Leaving him without many friends. His parents, seeing a worrying trend, bought him a used immersion pod for his sixteenth birthday. Given his plans for getting a job at a book store did not pan out, mainly because those were relics in a digital age, he decided to try it out instead of spending every waking hour waiting from updates from his favorite novels.
Out of that whole chunk, I would say the very last sentence is the best one. Why? Because it's the only sentence where things actually happen. Well, maybe the second to last sentence as well. Let me explain. All of your sentences except for the two I named share one common flaw, and that's their invariability. They're all a statement, followed by a period. No ebbs and flows, no ups and downs in tone, no nothing. Heck, I've never seen a question mark or exclamation point appear, ever! I'll do a rewrite of that paragraph, and I'll make the changes I, personally, would like to see.
Adventuring takes many forms. While others found their paths in slaying monsters, crafting divine armamants, or seeking out hidden mysteries, Terrance prefered to meet those who had accomplished such tasks, and record their journeys. Throughout his youth, Terrance has always been exiled by his peers and classmates for his unconventional interests, and so when his wish of getting a summer job at a bookstore didn't pan out the way he wanted, his parents finally took action. They purchased a slightly used immersion pod for his sixteenth birth

Dungeon Core Online: Loremaster (fan fic)

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Chapters(23 total)

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Community Reviews(1)