Cores of Astria (Working Title)

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

James the cooper was a citizen of a fantasy world that was destroyed in a tide of rats. Astria, godess of feudalism has chosen him and his fellow villagers to populate a new settlement in a different world. How will the villagers deal with the differences in the rules between the two worlds? Will the town core be taken seriously?

Mechanics inspired by "Newt and Demon" and "Burning Wheel"

New chapters the Sunday after they are written.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2022
Author: Ray2024

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.3/ 5.0
Followers: 13
Views: 13,190

Reviews

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Community Reviews(1)

just add wolframiteRoyal Road
★★ 1.5
Overall: 1.5 stars. 40-something "chapters" of text with only 84 pages of words. That means on average every chapter is 2-ish pages long. That's like every time you flipped the page in a book, a new chapter header was starting you down. Please, slow down chapter releases and make chapters longer. Take some time to refine your writing.
Style: It has a style. I don't know where it is, but there's something here. 1.5 stars.
Story: There's setup, but I haven't gotten far enough into the story to see it go anywhere. Something something, world destroyed, okay they're in a town now. Descriptions wind up being fourth wall breaks by basically being "dungeon as in place of adventure, not imprisonment. English be that way, yo." 2.5 stars, -0.5 stars for 4th wall breaks.
Grammar: Mistakes are present, but the chapters are so short there's only enough space to fit one. There are chapters with flawless grammar, but with how short the chapters are, it's not saying all that much. 2 stars.
Character: This is what does it in for me. Characters emotionlessly slide into frame and spew words. Conversations are strictly spoken words only. There is no body language, nor inner thoughts of any of the characters to show that they are thinking about what is presently going on. It's like those ancient silent films where text is put in place of dialogue, but everyone has an immovable -_- face.
Please, Ray2024, condense your chapters into larger chunks. Make them more flavorful and emotional. Take the time to make your level notation more consistent, rather than "violet 16" in the author's notes, then "violet violet violet" literally the same chapter which is 90% the word 'violet', and then "O74, G23, V100" a few chapters later. There's something here, and time should be taken to figure out what that is.
And for the love of all that is good, please make your chapters longer. Reading this on mobile, and the ads take up just as much vertical space as the story itself.