Commissar's Orders | The Battle in Space

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2023

Author

ArcticWolf12

• The Fallen Brother
  Jan 8, 2024
• The Chambers of Chaos
  Jan 5, 2024
• Into the Rat Run
  Jan 3, 2024
• The Revelation
  Jan 1, 2024
• Editorial Note
  Dec 28, 2023
• The Bloodbath Begins
  Dec 26, 2023
• The Horrors Await (Revised)
  Dec 24, 2023
• The Mental Break (Revised)
  Dec 24, 2023
• Psychic Showdown (Revised)
  Dec 24, 2023
• Corridor Of Shadows (Revised)
  Dec 24, 2023
• Corridor Of Blood: The Slaughterhouse (Revised)
  Dec 24, 2023
• Voidsworn Vengeance
  Dec 24, 2023
• Introduction - Editors Note
  Sep 11, 2023

What readers say about Commissar's Orders | The Battle in Space

• “Style: The form of writing is unique, and the word choice aids the style. There aren't too many run-on sentences either; however, almost every dialogue line is put in a larger paragraph of text. Aside from being grammatically incorrect, it's style section r…”

  SkarabraeRoyal Road4.0 / 5

• “This review was written as part of a review swap. ArcticWolf12, I hope you are able to make use of this critical feedback. There's a lot to like in your story, but it's lost due to a lack of differentiation. And full disclosure, I like the 40K universe as w…”

  Crusader ExodusRoyal Road3.0 / 5

Reviews

Community Reviews(2)

• SkarabraeRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Style: The form of writing is unique, and the word choice aids the style. There aren't too many run-on sentences either; however, almost every dialogue line is put in a larger paragraph of text. Aside from being grammatically incorrect, it's style section relevancy is that it's very distracting.
  Story: The story is somewhat interesting, but it is confusing from the perspective of someone who knows the lore of 40k and someone who doesn't. The story is based on Warhammer 40k, but from the perspective of someone who knows the lore, it sticks too close to it. Many concepts are too close to 40k lore for it to be its own thing. There just isn't enough originality in it. Some things are even taken right from Warhammer 40k. It's also hard at times to tell where 40k ends and this story beings due to a lack of exposition that I'll get into right now. Because, from the perspective of someone who doesn't know much about Warhammer 40k, the world isn't exactly clear. Some stories suffer from exposition dumps, but this story has the opposite problem. The main factions aren't explained in any detail, the technology isn't explains, what the corrupted are isn't explained, what they're actually fighting over overall and why isn't explained.
  Grammar: There are some distracting grammatical errors, but not many.
  Character: The main character is somewhat fleshed out, realistic, and three-dimensional, but none of the side characters are. The side characters pretty much all have the bare minimum of characterization. For a story like this, where you need to be invested in the characters, that isn't good enough for the side characters.
• Crusader ExodusRoyal Road

  ★★★ 3.0

  This review was written as part of a review swap.
  ArcticWolf12, I hope you are able to make use of this critical feedback. There's a lot to like in your story, but it's lost due to a lack of differentiation. And full disclosure, I like the 40K universe as well.
  I found Luther's Crucible: Brunaal's Forge difficult to read. Not because of grammar or writing style, but because it feels derivative. This would make for good fan fiction, but it's not fan fiction, and the author makes it clear that they don't want it to be considered fan fiction, stating:
  Whilst it is important to note that my series is similar to that of the Warhammer 40k universe, it is not the same universe! Warhammer 40k stuff is non cannon in this universe and I'm attempting to go to great lengths to try and make them different whilst keeping a number of my favourite things from that universe alongside.
  This is unfortunately in direct conflict with the very first note in the series:
  In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war, and in war, we find our purpose - Commissar Alexander Bruz, Attributed
  You send conflicting messages when direct quoting source material in one author's note, but then state you're trying to make it clear to readers that it isn't fan fiction in another note. This isn't just a problem with cherry picking quotes though, it can be found throughout the work. There is an overwhelming influence of 40K present in the story with casual mentions of things like space inquisitors, naval combat-style ship battles, a great dear leader, commisars, etc. The usage of these things is a constant reminder to the reader that they're reading a not-fan-fiction, and makes the suspension of disbelief difficult to acquire and maintain.
  I can see two paths for your fiction going forward in my mind: One is to simply acknowledge and accredit it as a fan work. You don't appear to be monetizing the work (at the time this is written) so there really isn't any problems or conflicts of interest as