Time is a valuable thing, it also may not all have occured yet

Sonika is a little girl in a strange world cultivating what fortune she has, adventuring and demystifying what she lacks in order with the rules and regulations of the land, and sometimes not

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DaitenguRoyal Road

★ 1.0

Back story, characterization, world building, goals, desires, expressing one's self, internal regionalization. 25 chapters in and there's none of that.
It's got a mysterious girl who gets born in a weird way, gets adopted by a sapient monkey. Skips 10 years and suddenly the girl is registering at a mystery academy. No expainations, no will expressed, she goes there because papa monekey says so. She just absorbs some core and goes to dungeon diving. That's the first few chapters. 20 chapters later she's still dungeoning. No expainations for anything. She just fights or solves a puzzle intantly and moves on. Might as well just be a no name Terminator considering she has the personality of one.
Straight up, it's like reading a summary of Half Life with all the story ripped out. Pretty much just a Gordan does this, situation solved, moves on.
I would rather the opposite have happened. What's up with the world. Why can the MC just register to a place and not have any reaction from the receptionist when she lists things like being born from light and sound? What's the point of writing a story about a dungeon when it devoled to "get x item as a reward", use it immediately on the next floor. Intsa clear. Repeat with variations of using combinations of item rewards to clear a floor.
Dungeon exploring seems nice till you read about a Terminator going through it.
Needs some real rework. As it stands, there's no point in reading about the dungeon dive. If it stays the same, no matter how long, I would recommend skipping the whole dungeon diving arc. There's just no meat, no veggies, no grain.
Characterize the small cast. Build up the world more. Add expressions, talking, thinking, something. It's fine for Legend of Zelda because the person is interacting with the game. Not so much for a novel. Expand on the first 3 to 4 chapters by about 10-20 more chapters. Skip the dungeon dive or summarize it in a chapter or two. Add motivation for doing it. Give the reader more understandin

DumplingJrRoyal Road

★ 0.5

It doesn't make any sense I don't understand I try to make sense of it but it hurts my head, please stop it hurts to much

Brawling Beauty Adventure

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Chapters(103 total)

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Community Reviews(2)