Bloodline Monarch: Start as a Snake

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

On his way to the workplace, an ordinary office worker John stumbled upon a space-time collision. This collision sent him to a precarious forest in the extraordinary world, unexpectedly.

There he evolved into a bloodline creature, with the ability to be reborn as another species. In the treacherous forest, he stumbled upon an unknown egg and began his first life as a snake.

Let's see how he navigated through this crisis-ridden world with his newfound unique abilities.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2023
Author: Riter

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 3.4/ 5.0
Followers: 144
Views: 38,367

Reviews

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Community Reviews(6)

Kaine56Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This is perhaps one of the most promising stories I’ve read on RR, at the moment of this review the story has only just begun but it’s still a really pleasant read and I hope that the quality will not drop as the story advances.
I suck at reviews. So, I'm not gonna drag this out, but if you're looking for a deeper story, I would suggest this one.
LordGrim22Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
So far everything is good. The story and world building is good. I never thought that with only 9 chapters at the time I started reading this was going to be so good that I wanted to read chapter after chapter. Keep up the good work author and plz don’t drop this novel.
Undead888Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
It's a story based on two concepts that I like very much from what I read for about seven chapters. Namely reincarnation and evolution, and it can be even better if the author puts more time into creating some other characters that can interact with MC.
I understand that it's only seven chapters and what I ask can overwhelming. That's all and I hope there will be more chapters.
vorlefanRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Overall: I really enjoyed the narrative nature of the neutral narrator in the descriptions, even more the unusual starting, it looks fresh by using an animal rather human. And the alien aspect is amazing as well.
Grammar: This is one point that needs some special attention. It has some tensing problem, some grammar mistakes, and a bit hard-to-read structure flow.
Story: This is a good point and it has the potential to be something amazing, it only lacks a better pacing and flow, with a better narrative structure. The initial point, for people like me, that enjoy biology and grow up watching Nature channel, its a good attractive point.
It also would be amazing to develop more the part where the character needs to survive in the wildness. I recommend you to watch the movie, 'Cast Away'. Develop more his inner-thoughts, emotions, and so on, it will create a more immersive connection with reader.
Style: There's some lack of smooth transition between scenes, and some paragraphs lacks it as well, example is the second chapter, where it would benefit from some gradual and more subtle transitions between the temporal jumps. There are some repeating and ambiguity as well, pointed over with a comment in the second chapter.
Character: I think the character would benefit if some of snake's traits and mannerism remained in the character actions, making it some moments strange when interacting with others. And, when the character was a snake, it would be nice to specify the specie, the traits, I recommend youtube channels like TierZoo for that.
Tips:
- Pay attention to the tensing, pacing and flow of the chapters
- Use the 'table' or image element to display the window's status.
- Try to avoid repetition of word and information that don't add new to the story.
- When it come to displaying the inner-thoughts of the character, create a new paragraph for it and use italic, since its the standard for almost every book.
All in all, keep up the good work. If someday you rewrite or need
Stormy1Royal Road
★ 0.5
I'm going to be honest. This isn't going to be a nice review. For whatever reason I kept seeing this story pop up in my feed constantly. I had tried to give it a read and then dropped it because of how clunky it was. I came back a few months later, and saw the author had mentioned they edited some stuff, so I gave it a reread and low and behold nothing had changed.
So why am I leaving this review instead of just leaving it alone? Well normally I either just rate or drop something, but this story has sort of ticked me off. See it had interesting elements in it. A story that sounded good, powers that I haven't seen before, and the basic plot was actually decent. It just failed at every single turn.
The writing style is a mess. I can't even get into the world or the characters, because the way it words everything is super awkward, and drags on, and on, never going anywhere, and half the time the plot seems to be forgotten by the author and changed half way through, or they have to double down and explain 1000s of times going over the same point we already know.
Grammar.Somehow this is an even worse mess. Sentences either just randomly end, or never end. No one talks like how a person should, nor do they think how people should. And that would be okay at some points, as we follow a monster MC, but the writer keeps shoving humans or other 'smart' things in our faces, that then act like Oblivion NPC's. Spelling errors are everywhere, and the hardest part about this series is actually reading it.
Story. I have literally no clue what the story even is. Like this changes so much. And not in a 'oh the character did plan A, so now we do plan B' kind of way. As in we're going down plan A, then without letting us know we're doing plan B, but then we skip that, and plan C, and go straight to plan D, but wait, something important wasn't mentioned so we go back to plan A, and it just never ends. We only know things because the author tells us. The story isn't organically explained,
VinRavenRoyal Road
★ 0.5
There’s an interesting story here, but it feels like it was written in another language, and then run through some translation algorithm into English, and it hasn’t been edited by anyone who speaks English. If this book gets edited it should become a quite readable entertaining story. Unfortunately for now, this is simply a weak AI translation.