Beyond the Veil

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

When Lynn's best friend gets abducted, she doesn't think twice about following after her. She enters a world with vampires, fey, angels, and every other creature to ever inspire mankind's most fantastical stories. During her search, she discovers the world is being threatened by a sorceress hell bent on getting her revenge. Will Lynn be able to stop The Queen Beyond the Veil from destroying the world?

Mobile version can be found on https://www.wattpad.com/story/251183008-beyond-the-veil

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2020
Author: Avigayil

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 5.0/ 5.0
Followers: 14
Views: 4,744

Chapters(75 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(2)

RydeniusRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
The start of this story is fantastic. It drags the reader in with the tension of survival and the mystery created by the opening events. As the mystery is gradually pulled back, things that seemed odd at the time begin to make sense. This is well done.
About the rest of the story, I'm still on the fence. There's a lot to like and a lot of potential. The magic system and world building with parallel veiled and unveiled societies is interesting and feels fresh in its execution. The "gender bend" is handled in a unique way that removes many of the pitfalls common to gender bend stories. The main character is enjoyable to read.
However, the introduction of racial elements, while having potential to be interesting, quickly feel like devices to clumbsily explore racial and cultural discrimination with only superfical and pop-culture understanding of the topic, almost to the extent of unintentional comedy.
Overall, I'd say that approaching the story more as Young Adult fiction and not taking the story too seriously makes it a lot easier to enjoy the the things that Ayeba does well in this work.
Grammar and Style 4.5:
The writing style and grammar are good (excellent for an ESL writer) with only the occasional odd phrase or grammar mistake which the author is quick to correct when pointed out. There is work put in to create different 'voice' for different narrators throughout the story and the prose is easy to read and engaging.
Story 4.0:
I was surprised at how short the first volume was with an almost too sudden resolution and felt that more could have been done with the characters and world introduced. Even so, I'm still looking forward to see where the story goes with volume 2.
Characters 4.0:
This aspect of the story left me conflicted. The characters are varied and relatable for the most part, but in many ways feel like a random collection of sterotypes dialed up to 11. That said, I do like the effort that was put into giving the 'villians' backstory and PoVs that mak
New2writingRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
Chap 1 - 4
The mystery is cool and the story telling is decent.
This book is about a girl who live her whole life doing the same thing every day until she meet a stranger who will change her life.
While she literally has nothing going on for her. I feel like the plot is rushing her out too quickly not giving the reader enough time to full experience how bad her life is
Also not to big a fan on have time and other term being changed with no explanation