Alviona (undergoing Rewrite).

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

This fiction is going to undergo severe Editing and a Rewrite over next few months. Here is what it hopes to accomplish:

1) Fix the glaring issues from Style in every chapter 1-31 (Dialogues, POV switches and Head-hopping too much)

2) Add some new chapters in and justify the development between Sofia and Anita

3) Remove the info dumps and make it more organic

4) Finalize the genres that this fiction belongs to

5) Create warning in the synopsis relating to the contents of the fiction.

6) Overhaul and show what Mira's view on Alviona is (slowly)

7) Introduce new characters

8) Show chapters the way they were intended, as clues apparently were not visible at all!

9) Make Alviona a bit more serious.

10) Make me (Author) enjoy reading my own work more (yes! :))

Hi. I have been gone for quite a long while. With heart surgery and such that has happened two months ago, I had not had a chance to log on RR due to being hospitalized. I had some other issues that the admins were kind enough to deal with on this fiction. It's good to see everything in one piece.

The synopsis has been removed. Chapter 1 should be coming out sometimes before christmas. A lot has changed. I hope for the better. Instead of edits, I have re-read every single chapter and found it to be unsatisfying. A lot did not make sense and unless you have previously speculated what Alviona is, many things she does won't fall into pieces. Well then, time to address all of this.

Ladies and gentlelmen, this fiction is undergoing a full scale re-write. While the characters and developments stay the same, it's being done differently. So much that the world should feel darker as it should have been.

For those who have stuck around and know the story: Awesome. I worked hard on this, and hope that you will like my re-write.

For thos that are new: Welcome. Give me some time, as I am super sluggish. I don't know much time is some time, but I gurantee chapter 1 will be up before Christmas.

This said, again, thank you and know that I am back. And that this fiction will be completed. AT ANY COST. I will update synopsis after I post chapter 1.

I might post Alviona (revised, as this current one is far too.... simplified, watered down, and dissapointing version of it) seperately. Those that want this, here. But I don't want to add chapter 40. It won't make sense without the backup and world-building of re-write. It will piss myself off.

Now then, let's write hm?

*This beautiful piece of art is provided by Charee from DeviantArt*

https://www.deviantart.com/chalii

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2017
Author: Aggregator

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.3/ 5.0
Followers: 651
Views: 254,575

Chapters(43 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(10)

David CullmanRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
How do I describe a fiction that has entranced me?
Dear readers, both new and existing, I welcome you to my review of The Saga of Alviona. A girl who would be known as the crimson queen.
It is best to review this fiction from top to bottom, starting with the story.
The prologue was very odd to read through on my first attempt. It forced me to drop the fiction until picking it up again due to frequent updates. Once I grinded through the odd grammar and understood that the story was about a life of a girl that is created by two deities in the realm above the gods, it became much easier to go through the rest. If anyone has ever played the original Elder Scrolls (Arena) the experience for me was somewhat similar.
Now, originally, I have read up to chapter seven. Grammar was all right, not great or horrible. The author has put a ten-month hiatus without any warning after this. I thought that the story was dropped. I shrugged it off as another fantasy fiction that had a small potential of being different and got guttered yet again. It is familiar; it happens. Life moves on.
Admittedly, I was taken by surprise when the story was resurrected, and Hiatus was lifted. Chapter eight was released. It had a unique take on it because it did not start off like any other chapters previously. No. Instead, for the first time in this fiction, we were given a broader perspective of what was going on. A new character was also introduced who was not as detailed as Anita. However, she had a unique thing to add to the plot: The war that broke out, one that forced Sofia (the mother of the protagonist) to take her to the forest where she met a kind-hearted elf (more on this later).
What interested me was the fact that the guard's words from chapter 3 were incorrect. It had taken the opposing forces three months to get to the city that was the original destination after Chp 2. To add to my interest, the scenario at the beginning of C7 is taking place during the same period when Alviona (Prota
ForgaelRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I will try to keep this review as neat and clean as possible. I know that this review will be very long, but those that read it will hopefully find if this novel is worth their time or not.
Allow me to start by stating that I am an avid reader. When I see a story with a potential I hold my breath and read it, irrelevant of whether or not it is too good, too bad, or in-between. Most reviewers that I notice do reviews, be it on Wattpad or Goodreads, often leave criticism that is related to them wanting to blindly bash on fictions that get popular for one reason or the other, instead of pointing out what the baseline of the problem is.
It is rare to find novels that are written with the sole purpose of self-fulfillment and pleasure. Most are made to appease a reader-base, while simultaneously writing because one wants to get published and retain their original flavor to the actual work.
It interesting to see that your novel falls under the former; instead of the latter. However, it is also frustrating to have a nagging feeling that you, as readers, are having enough impact on the author that things are twisted and changed from the original flow. More on this in a few minutes.
First, let me go over why I am rating this fiction with five stars (a near perfect state that should not be the case with 90% of what one reads) instead of a four-star. If I were to describe it in one word it would be the Protagonist. I rarely seem to find novels that are not related to dungeons, straight up erotic content, or a fantasy where the Main Character is so overpowered that it becomes laughable.
What is so special about your character then? Why did she catch my eye so much that I am willing to give this flawed novel such a high score?
Well, it is the concept behind Alviona -a girl that is, by all means, overpowered-and yet has a massive internal conflict going on in her head. From creation to birth, to the very recent chapter, I can see that she is being depicted as an Alien of sorts. No
James AldenRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Prologue is quite poetic, in the saga of Alviona. Subtle foreshadowing from Synopsis and the creationg of the "Protagonist" having a major impact on the entire fiction. IF the reader understands the subject, they will instantly snap with this fiction. If not, they will have to keep guessing and following every bits and pieces released every single chapter to connect the dots.
I don't think it is a jarring or a bad thing. No. In truth, It is the Style of the earlier chapters that is horrid but gets fixed to perfection with every single chapter. I think chapter 6-9 could use a good overhaul, but aside that it is quite good! All the author needs to do is fix the dialogues between characters, and then fix chapter 15. This fiction needs very little edits :)
LostSpiritRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I am not sure how to describe this. It's not perfect, and yet, it just urges you to flip the pages. Wish I could actually flip the pages on this. I've read quite a bit, and even talk to the author a lot on a regular basis. His ideas, they really do excite me.
I'll wait to see something, a small nugget that the author has revealed to me, before going into an advanced review. God knows this fiction deserves one, and is worthy of all the praise and a certain degree of hate it gets. I understand it.
I'm also not posting 5 stars on a whim; I truly believe that Royal Road is a place for continuous improvement, and the potential I see on this is off the charts. Even the author progressively gets better, aging his work well with time.
I want to see this reach its end. I know the author has no intentions to publish this, but I really do wish he does. Or at least attempt it. With professional editing, and some guidance, this work could stand on a pantheon of its own.
Aggregator, I promise you. An advanced review is coming, and man will I try to be as detailed as I can be for it. Keep up the good work. Don't get down!
Readers, old and new, stick with this. It's going somewhere :)
Cheers!
OsxOsirisRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Warning: I post no spoiler warnings. It is my belief that when reading a fiction, even if an important set piece is spoiled for you, you will still want to read it if you are interested because it is the motives that interest you.
Example: When I read Murder on the Orient express by Agatha Christie, my father had a gull to tell me that every person was a murderer. But he did teach me an important lesson: You know the story spoiler now. But do you know the reason Why they did it?
Style:
Descriptive. Early chapters are All right. Significant imrpovements past chapter 20 and when you reach chapter 30 and onwards, it becomes even more obvious how much this fiction is improving.
Constant changes between a Narrative and PoV(s) to give better insight of what is going on (Telling a story when needed) or creating emotional bridges between characters, and overall describe how they react to things said or done (Showing when needed). For example:
Chapter 20 extract (wanted to do 15, but it is too unfair):
"The syrupy taste from apples, the sweet and savory flavor of cinnamon, crunchy and mildly salted crust, all mixed together for an otherworldly taste for Alviona. It was her first time eating something like this and experiencing this new sensation, tears of happiness dripped down her cheeks." (An example of Show).
Chapter 10 extract:
"Nine days had passed. Looking around, the encircled soldiers of Vaalmer kingdom realized just how far away they were from the original battlefield. The scenery was vastly different. The forest which was located three weeks away from the battlegrounds was now only a few hours away. They attempted to shift the direction of their movement towards the fallen fortress. However, this did not come to pass, as the cavalry of Damas quickly caught up and once again encircled them." (An Example of Tell)
Why did I point this out? Because often times readers are mislead into this concept of "Show, don't tell." It is more correct to say: Tell the story, but sh
Yosef PolsaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The Mc being what she is depicted as is eldritch enough for me to overlook the flaws that plagues this fiction from chapter 1-31. Yes, this fiction has flaws but the author said he would address them
There is no reason not to follow and love this fiction, because when you look at the box as a whole, it's quite brilliant. We need more fictions like these, especially when it is given to us 100% for free with no donations or support asked for. This is awesome! I love it!
Big respects to this fiction and it's characters. One thing though, Author I hope you edit this quickly and with quality because I don't want to see this story go on hiatus!
leftarionRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I Think it is a crime that this hasn´t got a review yet, this isn´t the best thing since sex but it has three fantastic words and strange ones to see with each othere, Quality, Quantity and Speed of Release (yea I know this aren´t 3 words but who cares)
So I love your characters and hope you will continue it until the very end (or I dunno somethings can happen — says mischievously)
Weed RegeraRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
I found the story interesting. If possible it would be better if her character is a bit like Li Qiye from Emperor's Domination. Too much of latent power is also kind of a downer. It preferable if she had superb knowledge and intelligence and weak talents. She can just use her knowledge and intelligence to gain power. Maybe lose the horns she has, its not really helpful. Unless the horns are an active power which she gains through some process, it shows up when she is utilizing her strongest attack or something. I suggest making the levelling system a little like Legendary Moonlight Sculptor and ARK VRMMO light novels. In the end this is just my suggestion, what is done is upto you.
MrXeriosRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
Story is kinda original, if a little weirdly paced, with no meaningful time skips so far, but a lot going on even when the mc is a baby.
I'd say the biggest flaw of this story is the attrocious dialogues. If you've read some of the traditionnal wuxia novels, you've probably noticed the overly descriptive style, and well it's the same here, but with the dialogues. I don't know how to define the problem better.
Characters are fine, if a little robotic because of these dialogues.
Grammar seems good as far as I'm concerned
sdeligarRoyal Road
★★ 1.5
Read up to chapter 22 and I feel like the story concept and start had a lot of potential. But it feels like the author has a lot of work to do and I got to the point that I couldn't bring myself to continue reading. In the interest of helping the author improve in the future I will try to explain some of my problems here. However, I hate spoiler so I won't be going to any specific details.
My first major problem is with the pacing of the story. It feels like the entire thing is rushed far to much as if the author is just hitting some story point then looking for an excuse to rush forward to the next one with little logical progression. This is especially bad in conversations as it feels like the characters comments have way to much needless detail but at the same time not enough as some things they say just don't make any sense or fit into the current situation. That same problem continues with the fact that characters don't seem to respond to many comments in a logical fashion or just out right skip over them in favor of other things unrealated to whatever event started the conversation in the first place. Again this feels as if the author is simple trying to force the story forward rather than allowing the characters to develop through the events and conversations taking place.
Spoiler: Spoiler
So I'm adding this hear more for the author than for a potential reader. As stated above I don't like giving spoilers but I feel it's important for the author to understand why I'm giving such a low review in hopes that it will help them in the future. I'm only going to give a couple examples that are fresh in my mind.
One example is when Solomon and Alviona are in the guard captians office and the nobleman has just award a huge sum of silver to Alviona for dealing with the criminal and saving the womans life. Solomon thinks to himself how he feels this man is emptying his treasury. Later however when they have reunited to Mira and Janine nobody seems to take about what hap