Wrecked Ashore

Information

Status

Completed

Year

2021

Author

thetaylorxfreeman

• Decisions Cost Money
  Feb 4, 2021
• Niekro Hunts and Gathers
  Feb 4, 2021
• The Men Escaped
  Feb 1, 2021
• A Change of Scenery
  Jan 30, 2021
• The Black Scaled Beast Attacks
  Jan 30, 2021
• The Beast Appears
  Jan 27, 2021
• Power through Hurt
  Jan 27, 2021
• A Fate Worse than Death
  Jan 27, 2021
• The Storm Sing Songs of Sorrow
  Jan 26, 2021
• The Sand Stings Sunburns
  Jan 26, 2021
• Discovery of Life or Death
  Jan 26, 2021
• The Plane Comes Crashing Down
  Jan 24, 2021
• Awaken
  Jan 22, 2021

Reviews

Community Reviews(1)

• gej302Royal Road

  ★★ 2.0

  All told, the chapters are short, and the author definitely could use additional constructive feedback. If you have some time, the inclination to help, and the skill to share, please do so.   It really needs a complete overhaul, and I can't wrap my head around it.  This story could use all the help it can get.  Read and comment if you can help out.
  Story: The premise isn't completely original, but it isn't a bad concept.  Unfortunately, that is the best thing I can say about this story.  I had read the first two chapters twice, and I could not finish the story.  I skimmed the rest since it's a short story, but it left me more confused than when I stopped at chapter 2.  It does ask if the main POV character is losing her mind, so I'm going to assume that some of the intent was to make readers feel that, too.
  Characters:  I can't connect to them.  They have no depth.  They have some very odd dialogues that don't help them feel real, and instead lead to more confusion.  The interactions between parent and child seem to randomly flip back and forth over which one is the parent.  It was uncomfortable to read those, as it felt like they would just randomly say whatever the author thought might move the story along to whatever unknown destination, even if it was not in keeping with previous indications of the personalities in question.
  Style: Passive voice abounds.  This is a big problem, since this is a first-person adventure from the mother's POV.  I could only make it through two chapters, but dialogue is either non-existent or very disjointed.  In one chapter, there's an extended sequence of dialogue without any identification or clear delineation of who is speaking.  Sentences do not flow smoothly, and have either no transitions or abrupt ones.
  Grammar:  Word choices are very odd, almost like a non-english speaker was using google to translate at times. No major spelling issues noted, but some verb tense agreements are off.  Grammar is by far the strongest part of thi