Where the Sky Ends

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2022

Author

ThirdSun

• The Lake Street Massacre
  Feb 23, 2022
• Self Fulfilling
  Jan 26, 2022
• Lying with you
  Jan 19, 2022
• Guardian
  Jan 12, 2022
• Resonance
  Jan 5, 2022

Reviews

Community Reviews(1)

• TealiciousTeaRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  Spoilers below.
  That was a mood. Depressing. Such are tragedies. On that note the tragedy tag is missing. I would say a 3.5 star.
  On the first short story. You hit the beat but there are details that could be added to support your execution of the story.
  The flaws of the MC are far too rushed. There is just a paragraph or two that could be added to bolster and trigger his violent response in the present.
  Perhaps a sense of entitlement that his views are right and that violence is an acceptable means of creating the life he wants: that is a critque of the values of masculinity not just a critque of violence.
  *spoilers*
  Including the second short I would say you have the melanchoy of death done well. However with neither nauce of what aspects of the psyche of the main characters means that in these contexts they are doomed. Or to take a different approach enough detail about the settings and its people to mount a critique of a social issue. Death is sad yes, but poverty is tragedy made by people. Or pride before the fall is tragic. Of that makes sense?
  *spoilers*
  On the writing itself in the the first short story
  Negative description are always risky. Usually better for postives ones. I mean 'I can't feel...' tells the reader little.
  Perhaps? 'I feel light, held by air with nothing to support my weight.' Maybe not the best change. The point is show what is sensed. That is relatable. No one can feel what is not felt.
  Then move first sentence to be the third.
  'In front of me,....' sentence is far more evocative and impactful to grab the readers attention.
  'With each...' sentence in paragraph One. I do this to but start with the subject. For example 'The breeze catches each memory that flickers through my consciousness and carries it away into the endless sky.'
  I know 3.5 is lower that ideal, but that is my view on the skill of writing on display. I enjoyed reading your shorts :)