Western kung fu

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2015

Author

Willox84

• Ah youth, well it can go shove it self.
  Dec 5, 2017
• I saved a girl and didn't die
  Aug 10, 2015

Reviews

Community Reviews(3)

• Dream45Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  ignore that guy  "professional review” is your first story and your doing a good job, people just want to get shit out their system and choose this first draft first chapter … really …
  good job nonetheless
• RznRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  Let me just say that this could be significantly improved with some copyediting to fix the grammar and typos, most of which should be fairly easy to correct. The story here really doesn't get off the ground before it ends, though it does have the opening premise, a bit of a standard dramatic reveal about being reincarnated and then starting to go through what would be the formative years. It sticks to the tropes, but doesn't yet really have anything original as a hook. The blurb at this point is the intended direction and it seems fun. I will be watching this to see if it gets picked back up.
• maskedcerfRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  well the style and grammar are both medium being bad at english i usually don't comment grammar but I noticed that you didn't bother to edite also I had a hard time staying with the story (well that's maybe because it's been quite some time since i last slept so I'm more sensitive to it but the matter is still present ) try espacing your story a bit more may help for this
  the charactere lack expressiveness while it's possible to do everything like you do in a nearly fact-o-matter way it may be better to had flashback and sentence by differente caracter like:
  -BIP-     -BIP-      -BIP-
  my mind was dizzy, did I drink yesterday, my head hurt like the worst hanghover I ever had.
  A man dressed in white was near my bed, even trying my hardest I couldn't remember what he was doing here,
  I didn't sleep whith him right? Oh god please I'm not gay.
  well lets try to remember ' I was whith my wife in the car wewere happily taling about the name of our future daughter when...
  another car whith a group of laughing punk suddenly percuted us, our car was projected into the wall
  while the car was crashing on the hard walla piece of glass pierced her chest splashing blood on my face, my eyes went big then everything went dark (well that's impossible in real life but thats a fiction right?)'
  I looked at the man and yelled "WHERE IS MY WIFE?" strangely my voice was quite rocky
  the man looked scared for a minute but quickly sobered up and said.
  "I'm sorry sir your wife didn't survive the operation."
  my mind was in turmoil,
  what did he say?
  am I dreaming?
  Yes, that it, it must be a dream, tommorow I'll wake up.
  then i Noticed another man in the room who was crying, he looked toward the delusional me and said whith a trembling voice
  "I'm sorry mc,  its true, she's dead, she's dead, SHE'S DEAD"
  I now reconized him, he was her brother, he was someone full of life and always happy but now...
  reality hit me, and Hard, suddenly tears came out of my eyes.
  like this the caracter seem to have a li