Was I Wrong to Share My Superpowers? [Urban Drama]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Sahil, an 18-year-old battling depression, wakes up with the ability to wish for a new superpower daily. To obtain these powers, he must complete tasks impacting his life. As he experiments with his abilities, Sahil grapples with moral dilemmas and the consequences of his actions. Burdened by secrecy and ethical quandaries, he questions whether sharing his powers was a mistake. The story follows Sahil's quest for self-discovery and purpose as he navigates a world forever changed by his extraordinary abilities.

This is primarily a story about change. About how the main character's life and style change after he gets the system. Yes, there are superpowers and he gets one every day, but they are not the driving force behind the plot. Also, don't expect MC to spam fireballs and teleport everywhere. Maybe he will in the future. For now, he has other problems to deal with.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2024
Author: Underload

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.3/ 5.0
Followers: 32
Views: 10,113

Reviews

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Community Reviews(2)

Alec LownesRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
On its surface, this appears to be a fairly standard system/magic powers litrpg story, but under the surface its got some things that distract from the system and progression overall.
Style: I found it difficult a few times while reading to figure out what the writer was trying to say. Certain turns of phrase felt confusing or out of character, or even out of the emotions of the current scene.
Grammar: There were a few places where words weren't conjugated correctly, causing me to go back and reread to figure out what the sentence meant. Nothing super-jarring that would keep me from continuing to read the paragraph, but definitely concentration-interrupting.
Story: The system introduced at the end of the first chapter seems interesting in that the main character gets a new superpower every day, but I'm not quite sure what he'll end up using them for. It doesn't seem like he wants to save the world, doesn't seem like he even wants to be popular. Overall I'm not sure where the sense of progression here is.
Character: The main character is my biggest gripe with this piece. He's 18 and in high school, but he's about the most depressed person I've ever read in fiction, and I've finished "The Magicians" trilogy. He seems unable to help himself, unable to interact normally with anyone, and full of repressed anger. I'm a little scared of what he's going to do with these superpowers from what he even hints at in the third chapter (disguising himself as someone his female neighbor likes and then beating the shit out of her). I would say that making the MC develop some self confidence and overall some happiness in his life would go a long way toward improving how I feel about the series.
Overall, this premise has promise. My biggest peeve is the MC and his crippling depression/anxiety/anger issues, which make me feel depressed while I'm reading it.
FeynixRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
The synopsis intrigued me. Being able to wish for a new superpower is an interesting concept and I wondered how it would come into play. This could totally become overpowered and I wanted to see how the author balanced that for sure.
Style: The execution felt very off to me. The dialogue seems incredibly unrealistic. In places, people fly off the handle, or make wild assumptions that I found it difficult as the reader to jump to myself. The conversations between Sahil and his mother, Arzoo and his instructor all seem to escalate too rapidly in ways that I don't feel would happen in real life.
At one point the MC thanks Arzoo for stopping the bus, and then says he thought they were the only one who cared enough to do it. Which for some reason I guess was a huge mistake since the MC was swearing at his oversight and Arzoo ran away from him.
I think the author would benefit greatly from spending time listening to conversations between two people either out in public or online to get a feel for the flow of dialogue. This is often a challenge for many writers (myself included). We often want to skip ahead to the "important" points of the dialogue, or shoehorn in dialogue to support a follow-up action, but it tends to leave the dialogue feeling forced and one-dimensional.
Story: The way the MC obtains superpowers is a neat premise. There's a lot to work with here. I would like to see the superpowers feel... more organic? I'm not quite sure how to say that. At points, it feels like you know what the next superpower is going to be. It would be exciting to have the readers and the MC be surprised by the prompts.
The grammar could use an editing pass, I will take some time to leave comments on suggestions. There were quite a few areas where tenses switch from past to present and then back again. A few minor typos I spotted which I'll try and find again. The prose is ok, it could use a bit of work. In some areas, there's a little too much show vs tell, and in others it skips o