VRMMORPG: Heart of the Phantom Thief

I logged into my much awaited vrmmorpg, only to find that my AID (Artificial Intelligence Delegate) is a man? Moreover, a narcissist!?

All the fluffies flee from me. My AID can only assist me in combat for one minute, and the random free weapon I get at the beginning of the game turns out to be a hairpin? Moreover, As soon as I arrive in the game world, I am suddenly killed by a runaway cabbage cart? But, as a result, I am bestowed a bizarre talent…the talent of substitution.Now, while levelling up, how can I use this talent to keep my footing in this world of strange happenings?

And, somehow, I am beginning to have flowery pink-dyed dreams about my narcissistic AID? Moreover, there is a rather strange undercurrent in the game quests. This does not bode well.