Untitled 2

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Beneath the lavender sky, a mechanical owl wearing a velvet top hat recited ancient poetry atop a crumbling radio tower, while jellyfish floated through the air like balloons, and a group of confused philosophers danced in slow motion to the beat of an invisible drum echoing across a desert of mirrors.

Information

Status
Hiatus
Year
2023
Author
Uyaa

Tags

LITRPGACTIONMAGICFEMALE LEADROMANCE SUBPLOTSCHOOL LIFEMALE LEADMULTIPLE LEAD CHARACTERSPORTAL FANTASY / ISEKAIREINCARNATIONWAR AND MILITARYHIGH FANTASYSTRATEGYPROGRESSION

Royal Road Stats

Rating
4.5/ 5.0
Followers
6
Views
434

Chapters(1 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(1)

  • ArcticWolf12Royal Road
    ★★★★★ 4.5
    I’ll write a fairly detailed review so you’re welcome to read as much or as little as you want.
    I’ll start with the name, the name is an odd choice and a bit long (also hardly memorable as it’s so generic), it’s an interesting choice not to call it “Fujin’s academy” or something
    Starting at the top of the chapter, it feels very short and unfinished, so much additional detail could be added about the world around Takeshi. All were told about the world is the ground is “soft, silky clouds”, it’s a shame as the additional detail would allow me to be more immersed in the world.
    the first paragraph of the next part (“keyboard paragraph) is also left a bit bare, it left me feeling very much like the room was overgeneralised.
    “Illustrations of military vehicles“ could be built upon to further detail the room, giving us more of an insight into the characters state of mind.
    Much the same with the end of the chapter, his death could be more detailed. Rewriting/rewording the last 2 paragraphs in that section would make the transition much more interesting for the reader to stay engaged.
    The transition back into the between world for the next part could be more detailed also, make the transition less of a “we’re here and then now we’re here”, turning it into a “we’re here, that was kinda weird and now I feel like X, and now we’re back. Mentioning about maybe a dull phantom pain somewhere after the transition, could be a good way of pointing back to the last part.
    Fujin is also very flippant and dismissive about their world, given it should be a god/goddesses pride and joy they should probably more excited to welcome him to the universe. “That’s the gist of it” whilst mildly amusing to read, was very…unfulfilling to read, especially when introducing the world we will be living in
    I’ve Got a lot more thoughts but I’ve gotta sort my kids out, if I remember I’ll add on to this later :)