TWIG - The System Can't Save Me, But It Can't Stop Me Either [a gamelit-portal-fantasy-poem by eric river]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

This is an experimental new type of fictionIt's a gamelit verse novel, a brand new concoctionFollow Twig as he rebels against his status screenAnd learn why its messages are always cold and mean

Like my main work, "Hero's Song," its form follows a ruleevery rhyme and syllable is taken from that schoolsee the prologue for a quick guide on this new formatthis will be a first draft, so I hope you're fine with that

[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2021
Author: eric_river

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.6/ 5.0
Followers: 314
Views: 156,139

Chapters(86 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(10)

tfisbRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The MC starts as an underdog tormented by the gods, but changes his fate through sheer persistence. Although, as of this review, we’re not entirely sure his fate has changed for the better. Cracks are appearing in The System of the world. Monsters pour through portals. And the MC has gained the unforgiving attention of ruling powers. His only advantage is a good heart and the friends it has earned him.
You will immediately notice that the form is a little different than you might be used to – not the litRPG blue boxes, they are there in all their glory – but instead of paragraphs of prose, you will find stanzas of verse. This can be disorienting, but I urge you, like Twig, to persist. After just a few chapters the advantages of this form reveal themselves as you become fully engaged in the rhythms and rhymes of the world, the poetry weaving a grander, more detailed tapestry than prose is usually capable of because you have been co-opted into its creation.
Don’t miss out on this experience! If you’re finding it difficult to binge read, that’s okay. Savor each chapter. There are some striking lines and images for you to treasure. Imagine actually remembering a story’s writing instead of just recalling a vague impression.
The form is the first delight, but in addition there is also an intriguing story and delightful characters. The world’s System is intricately layered with mysteries aplenty. The characters, although brewed from fantasy stock, are memorable and fun. There is action, drama and heartwarming moments. Of course, any grammatical irregularities you might imagine should be dismissed as poetic license.
All in all, you should treat yourself to this unique experience, if only for the spectacle of snarky System messages written in verse :D
Ray2024Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The story follows the titular Twig as he struggles to live without a system in a world of active gods who use it to grant their followers boons.
Every status message is a poem in the author's much practiced style. Every piece of dialogue a rhyme taking up at least two lines of its verse. Perfect for those of you who enjoy either poetry or LitRPGs.
S.N. KeirsteadRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Never before I have seen a story (or I guess in this case, epic poem) that sets out everything it aims to do in the first chapter.
It's a brilliantly crafted poem/parody that captures the essence of LitRPGs without being mean, condescending and forced. It's funny and in a wholesome way. Chapter 001 knocks it out of the park in getting the reader invested. Twig has a clear goal. His motiviation is perfectly described. And the way the world is presented makes it familiar, but in a way that works with the story.
No reason for LitRPG fans to not add this to their reading list.
TealiciousTeaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Brilliant fun!
I wish I had such talent, patience and skill. A well-crafted story, that is a peral among coal. I jest a good story among many. There is depth the characterisation as well that works. It is like a song of old modernised and I love it for that. I preached the style enough and the grammar is also fine.
Aaron Sofaer (aka Pastafarian)Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I thought to myself, fine, it's in verse
I'll read a chapter or two, give it a look
It can't after all be worse
Then this site's median, Sturgeon'd book
But lo, to my surprise
This book turned out great
My workday found its demise
Any more backlog, and I'd have stayed up late.
BullerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
It's excatly why I'll
reccomend that others read... it.
It's a show of a deed
which can set the mind... damn, I can't do that for an entire review much less an entire story. It's very cool that the author made the entire thing one long poem, even using the tables in that. The idea of having the screens change slightly every time they are shown is pretty damn good.
Style? Perfect. Grammar? What do you think? 5/5
DeerkatRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I don't know what you are doing standing (sitting?) around here for. Read it, or at least try it, if you haven't already. But, if you insist on reading this review go right ahead. Btw it is completely spoiler free.
First, we've got Style:
I'm giving it five stars, and for an important reason. It's the most unique thing about this novel and it is very obvious. The entire thing is made in verse, with every line being part of a rhyme. To top it off, it doesn't just rhyme but follows a set pattern showcased on the first chapter. The authors dedication to their craft really astounds me. This is also a LitRPG, so expect stat tables.
Next up is Grammar:
I have taken half a star off on this category, because the author will have typos/the wrong word occasionally. But they don't distract from the story and are picked out be readers (cough, cough, me) fairly quickly.
Moving on to Story:
Even with the limitations of writing a story in the form of a poem, the author is building a great story, with a great world to accompany it. It has a set narrative and seems to be going twards actual objective rather than just wasting words. All in all, five stars.
Lastly, Character:
The story mostly follows one characters perspective, but switches to others occasionally. These shifts are handled well in my opinion. Each character has an unique voice and clear goal (unless they arern't supposed to). With the way this story is written, it is very impressive how well the author manages to differentiate each character. Five stars.
Overall:
I'm overall giving this story five stars, and it certainly deserves it. The way the author writes his stories and the sheer speed he can do it at is amazing. If you haven't already, give this story a shot.
F-rank HumanRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I swear I remember writing a review before for this.
What happened, did a bug delete it, anyway, truth is,
This story is quite fun, I shall admit with pleasure.
It reads light, and with rhymes for good measure.
Truly something of a rare breed on this site.
At least out of curiosity, I recommend to take a bite.
So far the story is without twists, its structure clear.
But it's engaging anyway, to see what awaits in future near.
Now to the story, I guess, I should steer this review
It would make writing this easy for me, this is true.
The story follows a young little boy named Twig
In world where everyone else was blessed, he was weak
But fortunately, he had a good family, friends
With their help, he didn't go off to deep ends.
Through perseverance and grit he worked hard every day
To spite his evil patron deity and not to just obey
His deity's evil will, to make him rot away
But things weren't all too sunny, ahead adventure lay.
Anymore than this, I shall consider spoilers.
And I will write in vague terms to avoid them, not cutting corners.
There's a lot of characters and they all have their quirks
And the people don't treat our underdog hero like jerks.
His family's nice, and indeed, they won't die (I hope)
So that's more clichés off the shelves and out of stocks.
The hero is not single-minded, not dumb
Though, admittedly, he can take things too far and come to harm.
And he has good friends that will have his back
It's heartwarming to read, though sometimes also sad
The author updates often, and clearly puts in effort
I doubt it will be dropped like many others of this sort
In conclusion, this deserves my recommendation
Well, I'd not write this review otherwise, without question.
Give it a try, I'm sure you won't hate it at least
But passing it by is a fun experience missed.
JMMatheisRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Once again eric_river is singing his minstrel's song,
The bard of the tavern who's epic tales stretch long!
This new tale of his is not just a trick,
His telling has me invested in the story of Twig!
The style of blue boxes, stats, only heighten the mood,
the telling in song really gets in the groove!
Already I can see the loaded meanings,
there is depth beneath words that are bright and gleaming!
The story might be still in its infancy,
But it already sings out: "listen to me!"
"Let me tell you a tale of a boy overcoming the odds,
a spinster of a god who likes to prod."
The main character of Twig is the underdog,
A character of worth who had enough of the flog.
He has inner strength and the power to say,
'If you aren't going to help me then I'll do it my OWN way!'
There is nothing at all to say of grammar in this way,
As we know that verse and song has stylistic choice at play.
Overall, at this point I only see gold,
this tale right now is shaping up to behold.
Even early on there is great merit to submit,
You really should sit down and partake in it!
Damn, that was hard. This tale is loaded with style and eric_river's well defined approach for telling the moral tales of old in the form of song. The story of Twig is no slouch, straight out of the gate its right into it with subtle messages and challenges for the well-crafted main character to overcome. The use of gamelit elements and portal fantasy are being implemented in such a way that they heighten the elements of the song in sometimes mischevious ways!
Its a 5 star from me, the quality is apparent from the start, and I can't wait to see Twig grow to a Tree!
At Chapter 28 now, and it is only getting better and better!
KieflerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The story is not your average LitRPG. It has several defining characteristics that make it unique:
The most obvious is that it's written in poetic verse. This makes the actual experience of reading feel different, since it doesn't flow in "natural language."
The second is that the main character, instead of being helped by some benevolent god, is in fact the only person in his world that is for some reason *hated* by his helper god.
- - - - -
Style: 5 stars for sure here! The method of writing in verse (Even character stat sheets!) takes a lot of work, and the pacing gives a weight to the story many other LitRPG fictions don't have.
Story: The characters matter. The main is interesting from the first chapter, and by chapter 10 the twists and turns of his life have really started to grab you.
Grammar: This one still gets four stars, because style trumps form in this case. I love what's been done to develop the characters and how the poetic verse fits.
If you happen to be well versed in poetry, there will be several things that you may find jarring:
A) The story is written in iambic -- as a general rule. But there are plenty of areas where the iambs are twisted, or even three or four stresses unchanged in a row.
B) Syllable structure: The standard pattern is 13 syllables but it is not uncommon to run into some 14s. *BUT* when you do, there are two in a row, so they still flow together nicely.
C) Loose rhyming: many couplets are either half rhymes where the endings are the same, but either the preceding consonant changes the rhythm of the word (Pebble / Terrible they both end in "ble" but their vocalisations are very different), or they are simply "near rhymes" that fit but don't actually rhyme (worm/swarm).
You might ask how this section gets 4 stars with all the above critique? A) Almost everything I've read was produced during writathon, and that's a heck of a lot of content to produce whilst maintaining the contstraints of the poetic verse. B) I've written iambic