Threads of Deceit

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Eight year old Kael, hardened by the harsh realities of Neo-Tokyo's underbelly, finds himself abruptly thrust into a world of wealth and power when he is adopted by a ruthless corporate executive. As he navigates the treacherous landscape of his new life, he must confront the darkness within himself and choose between loyalty and ambition. His unique abilities and cunning make him a valuable asset, but they also make him a dangerous threat to those who stand in his way. Will he embrace the shadows or forge a new path in this glittering, yet unforgiving, metropolis?

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2024
Author: Sigvol

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.6/ 5.0
Followers: 8
Views: 3,071

Chapters(14 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(4)

ButtopiaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Let's get my lowest score out of the way: the style. This isn't a huge program especially when I don't see any glaring grammar issues. The issue is the spacing on paragraphs, and I recommend moving the system alerts to text boxes. The messages at the start of the chapters could also be played with a little to make them stand out separately, but this is all technically a personal choice, and what I would do, there are many other ways it could be done.
As I said above, no glaring grammar issues, what I spotted (and I'm not the best at grammar myself) would likely resolve on paragraph spacing.
The story and the characters are both interesting, and I think there is a lot of room for this to grow. The story would likely flower a little better with some more breaks, but that, again, is tied to the spacing issue I noted initially. I think the characters are the strongest part so far, and I believe if the style is tweaked, this will turn out great.
I know this was done as a review swap, but I enjoyed the story enough that I'm going to continue reading it. I want to see how the author grows and develops the story as they go.
Evelyn AdelbergRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This story follows Kael, an adventurer who found himself thrown in a cyberpunk world, alongside his trusty System.
We follow him as he gets bought by a rich family as a companion for their daughter, and potential asset for their father. The dynamics that come from him being an adult in child's body pretending to be a child are quite fun to read, and I'm looking forward to seeing how his relationship with his "adpotive" family will develop. It's funny that the daughter of that family if very manipulative, but he can it coming ages away on account of being much older.
In terms of world building, I really like the "poverty is the same everywhere" theme it has going on, with Kael often comparing those aspects of his current and past lives.
Now, the two aspects of this story I struggled a bit with are its pacing and prose style.
I think the two are linked, especially during action scenes, as we stay in Kael's head a lot, and see a lot of his preparation and thought process for each of his actions, which could be considered thorough, but to me felt more like it was slowing down the pace.
There are also times where we get lost in wordy descriptions, which further slow down the pace.
It's still very much legible, but I found myself skimming over some of those passages.
Especially during the flashback to Kael's pas life.
The System in this story is very straightforward, and overall helpful to Kael. It's not a character in of itself, but rather a tool that he uses very masterfully, so if that's your favourite kind of System, definitely give this story a shot.
TLDR: if you like a cyberpunk setting, and an OP kid protagonist, you will definitely like this one!
Resigned DilettanteRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Style: It's good. I liked the inclusion of the adverts in the beginning of each chapter. They add colour to the setting and give you a sense of life there.
Story: It's hard to tell what the stakes are yet. What does Kael want and what are the obstacles to achieving it? Is it just survival? Taking advantage of cracks in the system (societal, not power) to his advantage, or something more? It's too early to really tell, but I do get a sense that there is something that will be revealed.
Also, related to story is setting, which I think is good. Cyberpunk+ magic system reverse isekai seems like an interesting premise. The choice of japan and Neo Tokyo is also interesting for a cyberpunk setting. There's obviously a historical association with the genre, but it was due to a fear of the projected rise of Japanese megacorps which hasn't been in the cultural consciousness since like the 90's due to their economic collapse. So hearkening back to an older vision of the future is interesting, and I wonder how much it will affect things.
Grammar: Grammar was fine. I didn't notice any problems.
Character: So it's a bit hard to figure who Kael is.
At one point he's chloramine gassing a kid to death for being an obstacle, but later he's rescuing a random girl and delivering 'silent and swift justice' to the kidnappers. Like, you can't asphyxiate a kid to death without remorse in one scene and then go on about justice in another. At least not without being jarring.
Especially since we are aware that he is an adult in a kid's body who has combat experience and probably could have used less drastic means to achieve his goal. I do like some of the other characters though, such as Yumi's conflicting intellect in a cold world and desire for companionship. But for now the MC is just okay. Relatable in one way, unrelatable in another.
As a whole though it's an interesting approach to the genre niche, worth checking out if you're into the combination.
Jonathan BRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Hey, I enjoyed reading your story and think there's a lot to like here, but also a few key areas where you can further strengthen it. I'll include my notes below. Happy writing!
Your first chapter immediately reminds me of the movie, Gattaca. Highly recommend you watch it if you haven't, it's all about the genetic manipulation of embryos so the children grow up a certain way.
I noticed in your writing that you switch between present and past tense a couple of times. I'd re-read your chapters and just make sure everything is the same, it'll read better that way. It can also be a little distracting when you switch perspectives in the same chapter, like during the conversation between Kael and Yumi.
You also have a few lines of dialogue that don't exactly make sense. Not a big deal, again, I'd just do a re-read and make the corrections. One example is, "Then we play a game, Kael though, the dangerous light that danced in his eyes."
I'm interested to learn more about Kael as a character, it sounds like he's some kind of universe-hopping individual who's now stuck in the body of a child.
Another recommendation, I'd have Kael do something weirdly grown-up and mature when introducing him, instead of just having the narrator say he's secretly an adult. Show off his astounding level of perception and maturity, then pull back the curtain and explain everything like you have already.
Pretty messed up how Kael killed a kid, even if he was a bully. We're definitely not following your ordinary goody-two-shoes protagonist. It is a little confusing though that he was a hero in his past life and now he's murdering a child because he found him annoying and the system told him to. Maybe there can be some sort of internal dilemma for Kael. He said the system never steered him wrong before, so perhaps that's how he can justify killing in cold blood.
I'm cool with the idea of Yumi wanting a big brother (I assume that'll be Kael), but I would like to understand the justification for why s