Thorn

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Magic always comes with a price.

Because it’s a tightly controlled commodity divvied out, as they see fit, by the Order of Thorns.

The Order is ancient and enigmatic. Nobody even knows how or why they came to control the access to the magic so absolutely, only that it has been this way for centuries.

Lyra is an elf girl with no questions about the Order, or the magic, or who is or isn’t pulling the strings. Lyra likes plants. And mushrooms. But a chance encounter in the forest the day before she heads to the big city leaves her with something in her mind, and in her pocket, that will change everything.

Lyra is about to learn more than she ever asked to know, not only about the ancient mysteries of the Order of the Thorn, but also about the worlds of humans, dwarves, and the very nature of magic itself. And meet at LEAST one cute boy along the way.

Chapters will be initially released without editing. I'd welcome and love any feedback you might have! Thank you!

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2024
Author: LJNewton

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.6/ 5.0
Followers: 205
Views: 22,783

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(3)

Lucian T. EinarRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The style of Thorn is atmospheric and engaging, with a strong sense of mood that enhances the dark fantasy setting. The writing does a good job of creating an eerie, immersive world, though some sentences feel slightly disjointed. There are moments where the descriptions shine, vividly painting the protagonist’s struggles and the dangers of the world, but the flow could be smoother with improved transitions. A bit more variation in sentence length and structure would also help maintain a natural rhythm, making the prose more fluid and gripping.
The story itself is compelling, built on a solid foundation of mystery and tension. The world is filled with interesting elements that suggest a rich lore waiting to be explored. The pacing is decent, though some scenes could be expanded for clarity, especially when introducing new concepts. The stakes are clear, and the protagonist’s journey feels meaningful, but some moments could benefit from additional detail to strengthen emotional impact.
The grammar and syntax require refinement. There are occasional awkward phrasings, missing words, and structural inconsistencies that make certain passages difficult to follow. With careful editing and revision, the writing can become much more polished. The core ideas and storytelling skills are strong, but refining technical aspects will elevate the overall quality significantly.
The characters are intriguing, particularly the protagonist, who feels well-developed and layered. Their struggles are believable, and their motivations are clear, making it easy to root for them. Some supporting characters could use a bit more depth, but their interactions contribute well to the unfolding drama. With further development, these characters can become even more memorable and emotionally impactful.
Thorn is an exciting dark fantasy with immense promise. While there are areas to improve, particularly in grammar and flow, the core of the story is strong. With continued practice, editing, and refi
dUcK1570Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I have read quite a few litrpg in my time, and most of them follow one of only a few formats. Thorn takes one of these formats - the system apocalypse - and does it in a brand new way. Never before have I seen people given the option to fight, and I think that this choice gives the characters more feeling since it isn’t just every rando we see, but from what I’ve seen so far, only people who want this. Despite being from a massively oversaturated market, Thorn does everything differently. It’s too early to tell for the system, but the world as a whole feels fleshed out with foreshadowing for future events being shown every so often. I still can’t tell if it’s going to become a low-fanrasy or high-fantasy. If earth is going to be featured or if the main group will be shipped off to another world past the tutorial. For the characters, I feel like I can see a sense of a real person in the mc. While in the two friends less so, it is still there. I haven’t noticed any grammatical mistakes yet but I’m not very observant when it comes to that.
Overall I definitely recommend this as a novel. TLDR: unique plot, system and world. Definitely read it!
WonderWizardRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Overall:
The story is strong, engaging, and well-paced, with solid character dynamics and worldbuilding. It has a few pacing issues and areas where combat could be more strategic, but it’s still a fantastic start.
Style:
Strengths: The writing flows well, descriptions are vivid, and dialogue feels natural and engaging.
Improvements: Some sections could be tighter, especially introspection-heavy moments. Also, varying sentence structure slightly could make some paragraphs feel more dynamic.
Story:
Strengths: The system apocalypse setup, Earth’s assimilation, and dungeon progression make for a compelling premise. The sense of mystery around the system and the emotional weight from Octavia’s past add depth.
Improvements: So far, nothing major—just making sure side characters contribute more so the story doesn’t feel like an entirely solo journey.
Grammar:
Strengths: Your grammar and structure are solid. The writing feels professional with very few errors.
Improvements: Minor things, like occasional awkward phrasing, could be refined. A light proofreading pass would fix this.
Character:
Strengths: Octavia is layered and compelling—her fear, excitement, and growing confidence make her feel real. Derrick and Julia have strong banter and feel like actual friends.
Improvements: Derrick and Julia should contribute more in action, not just conversation. But as long as they grow over time, this won’t be an issue.
🔥 This is a damn good start. 🔥
A few small refinements in pacing, character action balance, and combat tactics would push it to a perfect score. Keep up the great work!