This World of Systems

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2018

Author

kites11

• The First Job
  Jul 30, 2018
• Time Passes
  Jul 30, 2018
• The First Duel
  Jul 29, 2018
• An Actual Sweet Treat
  Jul 25, 2018
• Sweet Sweet Treats
  Jul 25, 2018
• Trials and Tribulations
  Jul 25, 2018
• Name at End
  Jul 25, 2018
• Hardly a Willing Party to This...
  Jul 25, 2018
• The Force is in all of us, except its only in me...
  Jul 25, 2018
• Prologue
  Jul 25, 2018

Reviews

Community Reviews(3)

• SmaugBeiberRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  Good start keep writing. It is good to encourge other and review their work on this site.
  Your chapters up until "Hardly a Willling Party" kept me reading. Listen this the other guy on the building and develop your characters, and give there side stories some love. We all think we come to this site for the leveling, but there is a trick to it in that leveling keeps our attention while the story is developed around it. Looking back we remember the other things accomplished and the relationships that we paid attention to while leveling was occuring.
  Slow down keep up the style you had in the earlier chapters and you will make good progress. Two reivews. More than most works here get. Now you have to put in the sweat.
• Love4NovelGuyRoyal Road

  ★★★ 2.5

  The story is not that bad if you ignore the casual change from first person to third person POV and you can see that there was a lot of thought into the MC’s abilities.
  What problems I have with it is that it’s not executed properly. There are characters who appear out of nowhere, literally no world building at all, and confusing plot which doesn’t have anything at all...
  As for my advice for the Author in order to improve this story is trying to introduce the world first before the characters. It was interesting that he got a Force System and all but there was literally no build up to it. I have no idea about why I should care about the character since there’s nothing there for me to relate or feel interested about.
  The MC just randomly gets a Force System, then other random stuff happen which I have no idea why I should even care about... I feel like you can definitely improve so keep it up! I myself know writing is hard but that’s no excuse for a thin plot!
• werebudRoyal Road

  ★★ 2.0

  There's a lot of interesting elements and clearly a world that has been given some thought. Some of the changes and introductions are very jarring, which ends up taking me out of the story itself. The characters are not well defined, which is what could give this world the context it needs to flourish.
  I am curious about the force system although I feel it needs to have further details and context placed around it. Is the force system uncommon? What are the rules around it?