The Untitled

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

It isn't often we mention names. The greatest royalty, the most-skilled hunters, and often even the people we know best in the world, we know them all by their titles. Names are private, personal, sacred. This you must understand before you hear the story of The Untitled. Because to hear their story is to hear their names; the names of Legends.

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Based on the Monster Hunter series by Capcom. Part 2 coming to a webpage near you... soon-ish. Question mark.

Information

Status: Completed
Year: 2018
Author: TyrHawk

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.0/ 5.0
Followers: 10
Views: 18,039

Chapters(20 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(2)

GhostReaperRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Let's start this review with the categories and then a short summary.
~ Style ~
Your style is good, although not perfect. It's easy to read and there are a few hickups disturbing the flow. Things you should definitely look out for are passive verbs and filler words.
Use passive verbs sparsely as they make texts rather impersonal. I'll give a short example (not found in your text, just my imagination):
"The princess slammed the door shut."
"The door was slammed shut by the princess."
You can see that the second sentence sounds rather stiff. There are places were passive verbs fit well, but try to limit them.
Also, the most common filler words you use are "just" and "then". They are rarely needed to make a sentence work better, and in dialogues they can be part of the speech pattern. But in a lot of cases, they don't matter. Trim those.
~ Story ~
Your story is nice and draws me in, which is always a good sign. A lot of it has to do with the characters, which I'll address later. The only things worth criticizing would be the lack of goals for the protagonist(s) and the Guild's distaste for Tyr's working style.
What I noticed was that only Adaline seems to have a clearly defined goal (Getting Tyr). Tyr and Sarah just seem to go with the flow. It's fine and it doesn't break the story, but it does make them a bit unrelatable. I have nothing I can cheer them on.
And I really don't understand why the Guild is so strictly against Tyr helping people. I mean I understand the concept of not adhering to the rules and therefore being not liked by the Guild... but what happened to him seems rather excessive. Maybe I just didn't understand their reasoning well enough.
~ Grammar ~
Nothing much to say here. There are occasional errors, but nothing serious. You have some issues with commas - sometimes they're missing, sometimes not needed - but this is rarely a problem for the reading flow.
~ Character ~
This story's strongpoint. The main characters are interesting and draw you more
TalonosRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
At first, I thought this was just a fantasy novel with a unique world and a learning curve like a brick wall. I didn't realize it was game-lit until somebody mentioned a mega-potion. And I didn't realize it was based on Monster Hunter specifically until I heard about some monolithic "guild", and then what little I knew about the series clicked into place.
Suffice it to say, this is skillfully written. Grammar and spelling are near perfect. The author's narrative is good, with interesting characters who are deeper than the stereotypes they first appear as. His pacing is solid with a nice cycle of rising and falling action, and his world building is interesting. His plot is slow-burning but promises great things; it just barely gets into its swing near the end of the 20k words I reviewed, when the central conflict was introduced.
Style is good. When he describes something, it's vivid. Fight choreography is great. My only complaint is that his point of view is inconsistent; the viewpoint shifts from character to character so rapidly that it can't be third person limited, but the characters withhold too much from the reader for it to be third person omniscient; classic "Head hopping" syndrome. Besides that, he's great aside from an occasional sentence overburdened by phrases. I'd happily give him 4-4.5 stars on style if the POV was tightened and stayed consistent.
But all the skill the author exhibits seems burdened by the IP he's representing. The game world is portrayed as a real setting instead of a game, so the author is forced to spend time awkwardly trying to find realistic reasons to justify game logic (flame-spewing katanas, drinking potions while in a helmet, impeccable circle-strafing while locked on, etc). This takes time and space, and some world-building is lost in the opportunity cost.
This is sad, as his world-building is great. Though I haven't played the games, I feel like I can almost see the spots where the game lore ends and his world-building begins