The Twilight World

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2021

Author

TwilightAuthor

• Chapter 13: Debt
  Nov 6, 2021
• Chapter 12: Awakening
  Oct 31, 2021
• Chapter 11: Back From The Dead
  Oct 25, 2021
• Chapter 10: Duck Hunt
  Oct 24, 2021
• Chapter 9: Trailblazing
  Oct 24, 2021
• Chapter 8: Taking A Test II
  Oct 23, 2021
• Chapter 7: Taking A Test
  Oct 23, 2021
• Chapter 6: Robbery
  Oct 23, 2021
• Chapter 5: Test Of Might
  Oct 22, 2021
• Chapter 4: Information
  Oct 22, 2021
• Chapter 3: Attack
  Oct 22, 2021
• Chapter 2: Exploitation
  Oct 22, 2021
• Chapter 1: The Twilight World
  Oct 21, 2021

Reviews

Community Reviews(6)

• BjorneRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Love it so far, simply put.
  I believe this one does deserve a 5.0 rating thanks to a few reasons:
  It's an engaging storyline and the character's realistic reactions when he first gets a taste of what's going on. The MC also isn't overpowered, at least not by chapter 11, and his abilities are amazing but there are only a few things he can do with them without knowing more. It makes for a believable experience and he's not immediately portrayed as 'the chosen one' cliche, which is great.
  The grammar is on point and the first person point of view is a bit more of a rarity on this site. I often veer away from first person points of view in the stories I read, which might be why it's a rarity in my eyes but the author does it well. He balances dialogue and internal thoughts with descriptive narration that fully involves the reader.
  The way the MC get's his powers are a bit cliche but that's only because it's been done so many times in the genre and can't be helped. There are plenty of other ways of doing it but I think the author picked the right choice.
  The system is a little lack luster but the MC is just learning about it, so it's understandable that we the readers have no idea when it hasn't been revealed to him yet. I'm looking forward to learning more.
  Finally, the setting and intrigue caught my attention. I'm not going to go into detail but it what makes me want to continue on the most. Great work!
  Would definitely recommend giving it a shot.
• OnchRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  This story's minimal takes on LitRPG is quite interesting. Stats are not omnipotent and everpresent compared to other representations of the genre. The integration of the LitRPG elements to the real world don't feel jarring or disconnected. Instead, they add to the story without overshadowing the plot progression.
  Style: First person narration. I quite like it, the thoughts of the MC are well defined and his interactions with other characters are interesting and full of chemistry. Pacing is good, not too slow nor too fast. No large exposition dumps, and no walls of numbers to pad out the word count. The creatures the MC encounters are also imaginative, not a carbon copy of DnD or Tolkien.
  Grammar: The grammar is good, no mistakes that I could see. I'm not a native speaker, so take that with a grain of salt.
  Story: So far, the story is quickly picking up speed. The MC got his powers and has got a foothold in the magical world. He's slowly getting accustomed to his new reality and it seems promising!
  Character: We see the action from the MC's eyes, so he's the most developped character. His interaction with his friend feels well thought out, and the other characters are believable and have distinct personalities.
• TaxReligionRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Overall an entertaining story.  It quickly captures the readers attention and moved along without being boring.   It tells you just enough initially to get you intrigued.
  The grammar/style could use some work.  It's told in present tense (which personal preference, I'm not a fan of in general) however there are a few spots where it breaks from present tense.  Other than that there are a few formatting errors and typos.
  I enjoyed the mc.  He wasn't a cliché good guy, however his motivations could've been more defined.  The interactions with his friend seemed at bit forced at times, but was still charming.
  I think the best thing the author could do is another editing pass.  Just concentrating on improving the narrative flow, and eliminating distractions like change in tense will help elevate this work.
  The story itself is the best part of this fiction (and since I value the story highest, it carried the score).  I never felt bored and there was a drive to read on to find out more information about how the magic system works and who the Lockhart family are.  I liked the intro to the twilight world, and the idea of the ramifications of what mischief he could get up to with that power.
  All in all, good job!  I wish you luck and hope you continue writing this fiction.
• WeavervaleRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Overall 5/5
  It's a good thing that I had to FIND something to critique in this. The parts I am highlighting are nitpicky but well help the story become more readable. You want your stories to be easy AF to read.
  Style 4.5/5
  This is where the author can make the most meaningful change. The best example of this is in the first chapter where I'm going to suggest this change.
  Original
  “Holy fuck!” I fall on my ass, unable to process the implications of what is happening. How is this even possible? I have so many questions! Why was I chosen for this? My parents are not remarkable people, and my family tree is as average as they get.
  “Calm down Zach, calm down,” I speak to myself as I put my hand through my short blond hair. This is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. I can think of so many possibilities, so many ways to exploit this. But first, I need to understand it more. Let’s focus on this countdown. How does it work? What happens when it runs out?
  ----------------------
  Suggestion
  “Holy fuck!”
  I fall on my ass, unable to process the implications of what is happening. How is this even possible? I have so many questions! Why was I chosen for this? My parents are not remarkable people, and my family tree is as average as they get.
  “Calm down Zach, calm down.”
  I speak to myself as I put my hand through my short blond hair. This is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. I can think of so many possibilities, so many ways to exploit this. But first, I need to understand it more. Let’s focus on this countdown. How does it work? What happens when it runs out?
  ----------------------
  This is an easier flow for the reader and it allows the page to breathe.
  Honestly Royal road has this amazing box thing you can use and that would be perfect for these little drips of gameification.
  Turn this
  --------------------------------------
  ***The Heir lacks qualifications.***
  --------------------------------------
  into a box. For easier reading.
  Grammar 5/5
  The grammar
• Evra-KazeRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  The biggest flaw in this story is that it simply goes too fast for the first few chapters. It feels like a draft with some adjective added. This might be an exaggeration, but when I compare the start with the end, a change can be seen. So, it’s something that is good in a way. Be it consciously or not, an improvement can be seen. Instead of going at light speed, it takes more time to describe action taken and the environment.
  For the style: the story is told in the first person and is well done. I think there are things that can be improved from how the main character is perceived. At time, he acts cool and in control, other time he is stressed and all over the place. It’s not a bad thing since it shows the character is reacting to world, but there are times that I feel isn’t done well.
  Character: continuing the above idea, when the main character gets “something” his moral standard is almost instantly lowered to the point where he is fine doing act he considered crime. I don’t mind this at all, but the part I did not like was that the change was almost instantly. This is mainly cause because I don’t really know the character well until he is presented with this change. Again, this is from the start going too fast. But the change could be something interesting to see knowing that the character enter dilemma for other things. Again, this I don’t fault in the rating for 2 raisons. 1 is because the speed gets fixed, and 2 is that there could be something in the story that change him a bit, from the “something” above. But still, it gets confusing to have the main character really stress for a moment and the next he is chill and making prank on other (ex.: The broken desk part). So, a smoother transition could help
  Grammar: There might be bigger mistake in my review than in the story. There are some, but they are really few in number and look more like t typo (<- like that) than mistace (<- like that). Which is good.
  Story: The story itself make me think of the manwha th
• MethuselahRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 3.5

  I like the story concept, although modern magic isn't generally my cup of tea, I think your idea for how it could work is unique. Overall I noticed that your writing style does a lot of telling and very little showing. It's direct, almost list-like, and very fast paced, especially in the first two chapters. When the Narrator first discovers his powers, it seems like you glossed over an opportunity to delve into a little bit of psychological venturing, although this may be because it would deviate from the theme or your interests. The interactions between the Narrator and Johnathan were believable and enjoyable, they felt like interactions I've had or overheard. Also, the immediately selfish interests following the Narrator's growing comfort with his new condition felt Human.