The S.W.A.T member transported to another world
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Description
Ezequiel was new Swat member in New York. A brave Canadian man dedicated to eliminating the crime in the city. He was also a good shooter and skilled fighter. Despite his abilities he still was single. His friends were always making fun of him because he was new to the department and all his dates ended badly. However, that wasn't a real problem, since all of them were focused on the mission and were covering each other's backs. At the end of the day, they still were good friends.
What was unknown for Ezequiel wasthat on the night of Valentine's Day, everything was going to change for him. He never imagined that he would take part in an adventure in which all his skills, his training and his mind would be tested to their limits. And first and foremost his abilities to escape and survive. How would his adventure end? Would he be able to live happily ever after, or would he meet an untimely end?
Warning: This novel is categorised as R+18 due to the sex scenes, blood, fights, swearing and more.
Genre: Male lead, anti-hero, a bit of LitRPG, fantasy, romance and summoned hero, monster girls.
Schedule: If I can I will add one to two chapters every week. If I can't keep with that you will receive an announcement.
Remember this isn't real.
Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Author
- Merly23@
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Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 3.4/ 5.0
- Followers
- 39
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Community Reviews(2)
- WilberforceRoyal Road★★★★ 4.0There is only one chapter, so my review will only be on the overall score for the mean time.
I will start with the good news; your writing is readable to even someone who is not a native English speaker like me, so I'm sure it will even make more sense to a native speaker.
Well, onto the constructive criticisms -
Firstly, some of your sentences are incorrect;
E.g 'or I'm wrong?' it should be 'or am I wrong?'
Also 'Where have the hell you been?' should be ' __ 'where the hell have you been' And many others, so just check it out and fix.
Then the mighty rule of 'show don't tell', I believe it's one of the most difficult rules to master for beginners like us, but still we've got to keep on improving.
E.g 'A short time later, It killed Alden with a single hit of his claws.' You see here, Alden died in one sentence only, and I've already started to think he was someone important. How can he die in one sentence. How did he even die, explain to us at least. The most common way of practicing the mighty rule of 'show don't tell' is to be specific. Just be specific for all the important things. But mind you the consequence of specificity is lengthening of your content, so try as much as possible to find a balance so as not to make your content boring.
Lastly your content arrangements, I'm not an expert also, but I think you have a lot work to do here.
E.g 'We continued towards the basement, but the further we went, the more blood we found. We started to lose hope of finding someone alive, but we continued. In the basement, we found the safe open. Then we prepared, I first with my SMG ready to shoot and Alden behind me with his pistol.' It sounds too straight forward, just they moved straight in. Yes that's how it's, but manipulate the sentences to sound appealing.
For example; The greenish dark blood on the scaly ancient claw they just saw stuck in the neck of their colleague on their way in, further intensified the dread in their hearts. And made their sluggish steps even sl - MagmaggeddonRoyal Road★★★★ 3.5There's potential, but you've got a long way to go. Don't give up; you'll get it right eventually.
I've left my suggestions in the comments for you. Other than that, I agree with everything Wilberforce said.
It's all readable, but native English speakers like myself might find your lengthy dialogues monotonous (I suggested a way to improve that in the comments already).