Slacker wakes up on a mountain after being summoned to another world in his after he passes out drunk. Finds religion and goes on to crusade for his god. He has a lovable wisecracking sidekick in the form of his chihuahua BB.

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DeinosRoyal Road

★★★★ 4.0

Well what to say, first off I'm in the middle of Chapter 3 and I gotta say so far the story is nice, I liky, as you probably might have guessed from my scoring, albeit we didn't get very far yet, I know.
CHARACTER:
The characters are described well enough and are quite fun so far.
STORY:
The story is another take on summoned to another world and has some funny twists, but again since it's only the beginning not much else to say.
STYLE:
That said, your style as in technique, or lack thereof, is shit (sorry). Jumping from POV to POV without any hint, sometimes divided by a paragraph many times just in the next sentence. There are no indicators to who is speaking apart through what is spoken, you even start two sentences next to each other with the introspective "I" where in hindsight you realize these are two different POVs.
Apart from that you use colloquial language when in narrator mode, "he didn't take that shit" or something like that gives it the feel of ghetto-kid wrote a story(no offense to kids from ghettos) rather than neutral narrator fills the scene with color, though it didn't happen too often.
Using that is absolutely fine when you have explicit characters expressing it but not if it's impressions as senses would transmit to you, or do you feel your fingers saying "Yo Homy got pricked by a sting there Bro!". Again if you make that a theme of all perception it could be fun too, but not like this.
One last thing, you have a lot of wall-of-text, put in a few more paragraphs and more spacing and it will be easier to the eye. In a book you have to use your space but we have unlimited space here. It would make checking for mistakes also a lot easier on you.
GRAMMAR:
Well, the story was written by someone apt of the English language but you clearly didn't care to double check or the wall-of-text style was hindering you in finding spelling mistakes, sometimes nonsensical sentences, added articles/words with no use and commas seem to be your enemy as seeing that

RoknarRoyal Road

★★ 1.5

This story out and out sucks. It may get better as it goes along but wouldn't put any money on it. One thing good about it is it highly imaginative. Will give it kudos for that.
Truly can not see reading this anymore but if the author wants to try a different story would probably give it a shot. But as is ewwwwwww.

The Oaf, The Lady, and The Puppy

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Chapters(10 total)

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Community Reviews(2)