The Iron Rose of Pain

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2024

Author

TriZen

• Grounded.
  Sep 11, 2024
• Debt.
  Sep 9, 2024
• Live, Laugh and Despair
  Sep 6, 2024
• Darwinism
  Sep 5, 2024
• Dancing with Death
  Sep 4, 2024
• Clash of Titans
  Sep 2, 2024
• All Bets Are Off
  Sep 1, 2024
• "Friendly" Competition
  Aug 31, 2024
• Vampirism 101.
  Aug 30, 2024
• Undesired, Unknown, Undead.
  Aug 30, 2024
• Till Death Did Us Part.
  Aug 28, 2024

Reviews

Community Reviews(8)

• Century boyRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  The story definitely needs some refinement, especially when it comes to the grammar.
  Style:
  The writing style is a bit strange as it feels like the story switches from past to present tense randomly. I’d strongly recommend using a text to speech app to check for errors as they were quite a few glaring mistakes in the first few paragraphs. The actual style of the story itself is ok and I do find myself intrigued with the characters.
  Story:
  The story is in its infancy with only two chapters released so far. I will say that the author has done a decent job at introducing the world and characters in the two chapters out so far. The mystery surrounding the vampires was well built up to and formed a solid conclusion to the first chapter despite the grammatical errors.
  Grammer:
  This is the weakest aspect of the story as the first chapter in particular has some glaring issues right off the bat. I strongly recommend re writing the chapters as the issues in the first few paragraphs could put off tons of people if left unchecked.
  Characters:
  The story is in its infancy with only two chapters available. Naturally this means that there’s little for me to say about the characters other than that they had some cool introductions. The Mc as well as the vampires are introduced in a compelling manner that got me interested in seeing where this story will go with them.
  In conclusion I believe that the author is quite talented but needs to work on their grammar a lot more.
• CorruptedNightFallRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  It kept me reading through! However, you might want to work on the first lines in the first chapter, as that is what gets people hooked! I believe that is you do that, people will definitely want to read and get to the next chapters. There are a few grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing that stands out too much! You are doing a great job of writing it though! Just don't get carried away like I sometimes do.
• phociumRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  I don't often read urban fantasy but this story truly had me roped in from the start. The MC is someone who is thrust into a world he knows nothing about and given little time to adapt. Given his background, it makes sense how quickly he is able to acknowledge his surroundings and make smart decisions. Very interested to see where this story goes.
  Style : In a word, smooth. The author has a way of effortlessly transitioning between scenes and describing them. At the same time, he still leaves room for imagination. One thing I really appreciate is how well integrated the exposition is into the dialogue of the story. It came at such a perfect time that I was actually excited to read it! Additionally, the overall vibe of mystery and dark fantasy fits the story perfectly and the author does a great job of maintaining it.
  Story : The story is perfectly placed and each of the events that happen all push the story forward without wasting time, not to say that things are rushed. Events that don't make sense or haven't been explained are intentional so that we can find out later. The story is still quite young but the world that the author has built so far gives me a few ideas of the direction the story may go. Overall I would say this story has plenty of potential!
  Grammar : I found a few quick jumps between tenses here and there, but otherwise I didn't find anything wrong with the story. To be honest the flow of the sentence structure was good enough for me to not notice except after re-reading.
  Character : The MC is someone who strikes as both calculating and inquisitive, which makes sense considering his former job. My only gripe with him is that we don't really know too much about him besides his former job and the fact that he lived alone. He also adapted incredibly fast to his new situation, not even grieving about what was lost. However, given the specifics of the situation this is nitpick considering how fast things are moving for him.
  Overall, I'm very excited to s
• alingteaRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Overall, the story shows great promise and there's a lot of questions and mysteries left hanging. It's surprisingly taking place in a school-ish setting, and as of now, there's not much lore regarding the ACTUAL setting, but I'm sure that will change with time.
  Vampires in this story have some pretty stereotypical vampire personalities, but that comes with the charm.
  Style - The writing is way better than most on this site, but nothing too special about it. It services the story it wants to tell, which works for me (and majority of readers, I imagine)
  Story - Instantly dropping the reader off in a tournament is a great way to explain lore and bring us into the world of the vampires. There might be a FEW too many info dumps for my liking, but there's nothing wrong with setting up the world
  Grammar - Not really any grammar mistakes of note, besides one I saw.
  Character - So far, every character besides Xavier (MC) seems very fun to read and watch. Right now, Xavier seems to be stuck asking questions for most chapters, and his personality isn't very intruiging in itself. Mostly just standard MC logic-- but who knows, that will probably change in later chapters.
• MeercatWhisperer112Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Reborn as a vampire, Xavier seems to have bitten off more than he can chew with his new life- and running his mouth certainly doesn't seem to be helping his case. While the first chapter didn't hook me, and the grammar can certainly use some work, I'm glad I kept reading. The premise is a twist on the old cliches, the worldbuilding is bread-crumbed but intriguing, and the dialogue is definitely where this story shines. If you like vampires, sass, and progression fantasy with a man truly starting at the bottom, give this fic a go!
• C.S. CharlesRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  I read the first four chapters of The Iron Rose of Pain and found myself compelled to keep reading at the end of each chapter. The hidden vampire society is intriguing, giving off a vibe reminiscent of a vampire-themed Harry Potter. The protagonist, Xavier, begins the story exhausted and broken, driven only by his desire to solve strange murders that he suspects are linked to vampirism. When Xavier stumbles into the vampire world, he is quickly swept into the intrigue of a hidden society with a rigid class system and is promptly sent off to a vampire academy.
  Xavier's personality hasn't yet fully emerged in the writing; instead, the more interesting characters so far are his roommate, Jackson—a charming Southern vampire who helps introduce Xavier to the vampire society—and Lilith, the beautiful and domineering Countess of his family. Xavier seems poised to enter a vampire training school where duels and power-harnessing are the norms. It feels like he's in for some rude awakenings, especially given how unusual it is for someone so recently turned to be sent off to the academy. The story is charming, intriguing, and effortlessly engaging.
  One of TriZen's strengths is his writing style. The author does a great job of balancing dialogue with description, fleshing out the world in a mostly organic way rather than overwhelming readers with exposition. Through Xavier’s perspective, we’re introduced to the vampire society in a manner that feels natural, as if we’re discovering it alongside him. The author’s descriptions are fluid and a pleasure to read, while the dialogue effectively conveys character motivations and personalities.
  An interesting cast of characters is being assembled early on, though I believe Xavier could be better developed with more internal reflection. It would be helpful to see how he is processing his new reality—learning about the vampire world, being dead, and attending the dueling academy years before most vampires do. More of Xavier’s reflections
• NolzenRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Style: The writing style is nothing particularly special, but it does try its best to balance exposition, character interactions, and descriptions, and it does this to great effect. However, the overall impact of the writing is limited by the correctness of the grammar, which somewhat hampers the flow and immersion of the story.
  Grammar: I believe the grammar isn't the best, but it certainly isn't the worst either. However, there is noticeable room for improvement. The current state of the grammar does impact readability quite a bit, making it harder to fully appreciate the narrative and character development.
  Story: While the story hasn't been developed too much at this stage, I can see a promising direction taking shape. The setting is somewhat fresh, bringing a unique twist to the concept of vampirism within the story. This distinct approach adds a layer of originality that could become more compelling as the plot progresses and more details are unveiled.
  Characters: I do not have enough chapters to thoroughly evaluate the characters at this point, but based on what is currently available, the characters are consistent and have realistic interactions. Some of these interactions are quite well written, showcasing a good grasp of dialogue and character dynamics. Their personalities are unique and add great depth to both the interactions and the plot, making them engaging and relatable to readers.
  Overall: The story is unique, and the characters are quite well-written. I believe that better grammar can really bring this story to the next level. With improved grammar, the narrative flow would be smoother, allowing the story's distinctive elements and character development to truly shine.
• DrakeDRoyal Road

  ★★★★ 4.0

  Overall, the story is quite good at what it's designed for. The style is quite obvious as it is a vampire story with sexual elements. If you are wanting a spicy vampire story, here it is. The male lead being put into a more subservient position in the beginning, alas who knows where it will go? That is why I am rating it a 5/5 on style.
  The plot is very stereotypical, this both serves as an easy entry into the story but also could turn some folks off if they do not like it to feel cookie cutter. To each their own on that though. I would say generally the story thus far, very quickly gets put into the vampire underground of society. It may be more interesting to some, less to others, to see more of the progression into his rabbit hole of vampire discovery. The fast pace doesn't add a lot besides fast tracing into the part where we get spicy. I would say to those looking to get quickly into that portion it does that well. For a purely narrative perspective that makes it a little harder to analyze as there is a conflict of interest between storytelling and aforementioned spice. I would say as someone interest rather in plot, I do regret missing out on how this character might have to fight against a vampire nature vs him we saw before. The him before, we never see besides the very beginning. This is why I am making the story rating a 4/5 for it seemingly caring about quick spice before we even know our character. Though some demographics may want immediate spice.
  My grammar score of 3/5 is due to the oddness felt at reading a story told in the present tense. This is likely due to the genre, aka spice levels. As such a story may perform better in such a tense. For the narrative it can feel odd and needs to have a strong purpose, possibly utilizing it better in the beginning of the story can make the oddness of it be better. Predominately most stories are told in past tense for a reason, I will not elaborate on it here. I do believe it is a challenge to write in present