The Haverdash War

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Andal barely escapes the first attack of the Haverdash while his hometown is extinguished as an offering in the Haverdash religion. Taken in by the Templars, he starts a life doing everything he can as an individual to stop the Haverdash. Through the ferocity and power found in their religion, and deeply ingrained hallucinogens by which they twist reality, pull the world into the worst conflict in history. All the while, Andal's friend Lars is alive, and he's made into an experimental supersoldier by a unique Haverdash named Moxey.

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Average chapter length is between 2800-2900 words.

Book is done! The first draft, anyway.

I appreciate every one of you, thanks for reading The Haverdash War.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2022
Author: BrillsMakingBox

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.0/ 5.0
Followers: 24
Views: 13,444

Reviews

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Community Reviews(1)

storybookknightRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This story is still very early in its development, so I'm not quite sure what to make of it just yet. The story seems to be setting up a conflict between two boys, both from a village destroyed by war; one taken in by the church and the other captured by the cruel invaders known as the Haverdash.
I like that as villains, the Haverdash are fairly original - many fantasy novels make the enemy invaders brute humanoids like orcs, or perhaps zerglike insectoids. The Haverdash on the other hand are fey and sophisticated, and the fact that they rely on drug-induced hallucinations to expand their mental capabilities is an interesting twist. The general premise of the story looks like it will allow readers to experience both sides of the war, and get multiple perspectives on things, which is excellent for making the villains more than just mindless thugs for a heroic protagonist to slay. All told, I think the story has promise.
With that said, the language of the story leaves a bit to be desired. Though grammatically correct, conversation seems a bit stilted and simplistic, which I hope is partially due to the protagonists being children but doesn't seem to change when adults are talking so far. The writing of non-conversation scenes is serviceable and coherent, but more attention could be paid to some of the scene descriptions to make them more vibrant.
I'm also confused about the most recent chapter -
The church throwing a boy onto the front lines of battle with minimal training and combat experience seems uncharacteristic of how they were portrayed previously, even if that boy was granted divine power. A scene where one of the priests objected to him being used as a combatant and another overruled him due to 'gods will' or whatever reason they had would have done a lot to fill in that plot hole.
It's still early in this story's life, so I'll withhold further judgement for now, but it's a great concept and an interesting start for sure.