The Glitter Mage [An LitRPG with a Fae MC and Alchemy]

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

The times are changing. The Empire grows more tyrannic. The Rebels are gaining power. And in the middle of it all is a young High Fae named Ray.

The only thing Ray has ever wanted in life is to be a Mage, to rain fire on his enemies, build great palaces, or even synthesize wondrous potions with Alchemy. But his dreams are dashed when he fails a test, and finds himself barred from even joining the Academy.

Ray, however, is not ready to give up. But when a failed attempt to prove himself ends in disaster, Ray is saved by the System conquering his world. And it is then that Ray realizes that all is not what it seems in the world. After all, life is never easy when you’re a High Fae in the Empire of Humanity.

Can Ray really survive in an Empire that lovingly calls his kind a ‘prohibited substance’?

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2022
Author: The Random Cat

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.3/ 5.0
Followers: 605
Views: 267,262

Reviews

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Community Reviews(7)

DragonsAwayRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I like the mc's magic type and race, it'll definitely be/definitely is a compelling story. I wonder what the shadow princess's agenda is. Also what's she going to do with all those cookies? who could possibly eat 100 in a day? I like his friendship with Marcus, they're pretty funny together in some ways.
1Royal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Glitter Mage!
Alright, fairly strong start, currently in a slow-paced initial training/school arc to provide a baseline of what the main character can do with his sparkly magic. The worldbuilding indicates a pretty entrenched society that is well-versed in magic and the system that regulates it. Therefore, for the main character to get ahead, there must be a more difficult path that is unused or rarely used to start his journey upon, he just has to stumble upon it somehow.
Of course, there is plenty of tension already, such as the skirmishes between the Empire and the rebels, or the hatred and discrimination of the main character's species, and this tension could easily be used to provide impetus for a Hero's journey.
I think the style of pacing is pretty good, with just enough details to enrich scenes without it feeling overdone. Plot threads are slowly being woven, though there isn't too much happening. Grammar is quite good, I haven't noticed any issues in that aspect. Characters feel pretty well thought-out and multi-dimensional during exposition, but for whatever reason, that doesn't translate very well into their dialogue; I believe a decent amount of the dialogue was stale enough that it didn't reflect their previous characterization well.
Overall, I like this story, reccomend it wholeheartedly, and will continue follow along.
EdLincolnRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
This book crosses a few genres by having an unusually benign "System Apocalypse" take place in what is already a magical world. The MC (who isn't the small pixie the blurb implies) has weak magic, but hopes to use the shinty new System that came to the world to upgrade his abilities. The magic system seems interesting. There ARE indications the author is still learning, but it is better written technically than a lot of the stuff here.
D. RedbeardRoyal Road
★★★★ 3.5
The good:
(Spoilers for the first few chapters)
The protagonist Ray fails a test and his future looks bleak, but fate favors him when a System appears in the world. Now commoners like Ray can grow in power without relying on the generosity of the noble caste, who previously held a monopoly on the world's mana. He is further revealed to not even be human, and supposedly his talent and powers will explode in the future once his heritage's gifts fully awaken.
All in all, the premise is interesting and has a lot of potential, and the system and world building have also shown promise.
The bad:
Edit as of chapter 21: The grammar has improved significantly, and there are fewer typos.
The style and grammar are both poor, with grammatical mistakes, typos, or wrong word usage in the early chapters. Some sentences can only be vaguely understood from context due to how badly/oddly they are worded. The dialogue especially needs work; nobody speaks like that, except maybe kindergardeners.
Characters are often inconsistent with their apparent age, with middle-aged individuals speaking as if they are children, or acting in a manner that clashes with their status and station. Ray's "Ma" is especially jarring, acting the part of a clueless girl one moment and a wizened old woman the next.
DreydfaerRoyal Road
★★★ 2.5
There are some interesting ideas presented by the author that lack the connective tissue needed to make them work. The basic premise seems intriguing, but the parts that would make the world feel real are skipped over.
I think the best place to start in looking at the story would be in style and grammar.
Grammar in this story is just barely getting in the way of the story's flow and style. There are multiple instances where sentences or paragraphs are discordant due to a missing word or two, impacting your overall enjoyment of the story.
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Style is one of the largest problems I think this story has, despite it being tied with the story score. While grammatically correct, sentences that lead with conjunctives are stylistically problematic when used so frequently - there are at least 46 times it occurs in the first chapter. The sense that I get is one of being told a story in person with suddenly remembered details. There's even at least one instance, again in just the first chapter, where a compound sentence is followed directly by one started with the same conjunctive:
"Anita’s element was classified Grade S, Void, the element allowed her to not only inflict fatal blows on others, but also turn invisible to nearly all detection. But there was one flaw in her technique, a flaw Ray knew intimately by now."
The above is a great example of minor grammatical inconsistencies alongside the stylistic compound->opening conjunctive issue.
The last thing I'll say stylistically also ties into the next category I'll go over, story. We're intended to have an unreliable narrator in the form of our main character, but sometimes the writing takes it too far without realizing. The earliest example of this is the first paragraph, where Ray thinks about failing his test (as noted in the synopsis) and how that means the Mage Academy and any other schools would never let him in...
Then immediately comes up with a plan of killing a monster right outside the city wall and absorbing the man
wesome00Royal Road
★★★ 2.5
I would like to state that I actually like this story, I'll probably keep reading and keeping up with it, the story is neat and scratches the niche of stories I like to read. The downsides are that its got quite a few grammar and spelling errors every chapter, which I can skim by easily enough, but the pacing is crazy - its not that it changes every other chapter or anything, there's just no transitions. We'll be in a lab one sentence working on potions and suddenly be at home the next, talking to completely different people and there's just nothing there to communicate that, its starting to get confusing to read at some points.
grovekeeperRoyal Road
★ 1.0
The story or the bareboned thread to be more specific is a wall of words to written to show how the MC rises in power. It doesn't even need to make sense, things just fall into his lap without any difficulty.
The major problem with the story is the lack of worldbuilding. We have a small outline of some characters and what they do, but nothing to connect them. We don't know the relevance of one character's job because she is the only one with it. Its like some strokes in a blank canvas, and not parts of a painting. Not a whole. And every single thing is set up for the advantage of the MC, not because it should logically happen in the story.
The second problem is grammar. The sentences break off midway, the use of tenses don't make sense, there are various spelling errors here and there and the typos are too numerous to count. The way the characters speak - the way the dialogues are constructed doesn't make sense at all. Sometimes its like kids and sometimes its like ancient people speaking.
The characters are just caricatures made to forward the interests of the MC. There is no consistency in thought process or actions. The style is poor.