The Foreshortened Life of an Ashen Elf

Information

Status

Hiatus

Year

2024

Author

Eli'sPencil

• Chapter 1: Home
  May 17, 2024

Reviews

Community Reviews(6)

• Bookman9Royal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Story: Raziel: The Foreshortened Life of an Ashen Elf, offers a compelling narrative that delves deep into themes of communication, culture, and the impact of war. At the heart of the story is Raziel, a character with a sharp mind and a healthy dose of paranoia, whose wisdom adds depth to the narrative. The vivid scenes and unique language immerse the reader in the world, enhancing the storytelling experience.
  Character: The interactions between Raziel and Aire are particularly engaging, as they navigate their differences with hand gestures and other forms of communication. Their shared goal of finding a cure for Aire's disease drives the plot forward, leading them to seek refuge on the surface away from the ongoing war between their races.
  Style: One of the strengths of the story is its avoidance of info dumps, instead opting for a natural contrast between the two races through the characters' reactions to their surroundings. The pacing is smooth and easy to follow, allowing readers to fully immerse themselves in the world without feeling overwhelmed.
  Grammar: As of reading this, there are no glaring issues with nor any spelling mistakes that detract the reader from fully immersing into the story. Perfection!
  The world-building is stellar, showcasing a diverse array of races and cultures, particularly among the elves. Overall, The story is a captivating read that gives us a sense of wonder in the eyes of both orphaned characters that has taken their first step into the bigger world.
• InyssaRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  When I started reading this story, knowing it was a submission for January's contest, I expected a nice bit of fantasy revolving around the agelessness of elves, but this really blew my expectations out of the water. Raziel is, at its core, a story about communication, about sharing one's language and heart with others, and the love that blooms from understanding despite the difficulties.
  The work put in for the sake of the language invented for the story is outstanding. The entire book revolves around it, so it obviously needed to be well-crafted, but it reaches that ceiling and smashes through it, really giving some of the best fictional languages a run for their money. But if that were all, it would just be a nice addition. Instead, it's woven into the story, into the themes of it, so beautifully that it makes everything come together.
  Our protagonists, Raziel and Aire, use this theme, this language barrier, to carry the story so well. It's a journey they take alongside us. So many trivial things and exchanges between people become accomplishments and something to celebrate when it's between them, and it is both heartwarming and heartbreaking to read, because of the challenges they have to face together.
  Prose-wise, it's clear the author is very skilled in crafting themes and images through their writing. My only nitpick would be the occasional mixup or odd choice of words due to the first person perspective, but it's hard to notice in the heat of the moment and everything flows very well regardless.
  I didn't notice any grammar issues or awkwardness, which is to be expected considering the quality of everything regarding the prose.
  As for the story itself, it is a simple one, yet it's the execution that makes it so good, the fact that it's being carried by characters, themes and scenes so moving that it's impossible not to be on board. It really is a special story, in my eyes.
• SovranoRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 5.0

  Style: The story is written from a first-person point of view of the MC. It started out with some exposure about him and then how he met our heroine. The interaction between them is realistic and innocent, and I like it. The scenes the author portrayed were also good.
  Grammar: Nothing to complain about here. Everything felt fluid, and the author used just the right amount of simple words to describe everything the readers needed to know without dumping too much.
  Story: Personally, due to the language barrier, even to us, the readers, I kinda felt it was a bit too frustrating. In the beginning, it was fun to try and guess what Airie was trying to say, but after a chapter or so, unknowingly, I skipped her dialogue and went straight to the explanation afterward to get a sense of what she was trying to say. Following that, the pacing was perfect. Nothing felt rushed.
  Character: The highlight of the story. I like how the heroine was portrayed. She was this kind and innocent girl who was so pure that even our skeptical and careful MC couldn't help but fall for her. I also liked how realistic Raizel was whenever he was confronted with danger. It showed that he was not some reckless and stupid guy but very flawed and clever instead, which added flavor to the story. Very well done.
  Note: That kingdom heart piece was a job well done, author! Hat's off to you :)
• JustiNepomucenoRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  This enchanting fantasy tale weaves a narrative rich in tenderness and depth, highlighting the profound impact of communication and empathy. The world-building is exceptional, with each chapter peeling back layers of this intricately designed universe, sparking curiosity about its extensive lore and the secrets yet to be unveiled.
  The writing style is admirable for its grammatical precision and attention to detail, immersing readers in a magical realm brimming with intrigue. The story consistently introduces fresh developments, ensuring that the narrative remains vibrant and engaging by seamlessly integrating new, fitting elements into the ongoing saga.
  At its heart, the story delves into the complexities of cultural differences and personal challenges, as its protagonists navigate a perilous world shrouded in mystery. Their journey of mutual discovery is compelling, although the pace at which the main plot unfolds might seem gradual to some, as the narrative takes time to explore the protagonists' evolving relationship against the backdrop of their origins.
  What truly sets this story apart is the dynamic between the MC and Aire, the Dvorttalian girl. Their relationship is beautifully portrayed, with their interactions and genuine care for one another providing the emotional core of the narrative. It's rare to find fantasy characters who resonate so deeply on an emotional level, but the author excels in crafting their relationship with such authenticity that readers will find themselves deeply invested in their journey.
  The author's skill in depicting the protagonists' growing bond and curiosity about each other is the narrative's standout feature, elevating the story to great heights. Good characters are the cornerstone of any compelling story, and this tale is no exception, with its strength lying in the characters' ability to overcome obstacles together.
  In summary, this story is a captivating blend of fantasy, emotion, and a quest for understanding, promising ex
• Odi ErisRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  I'm really inclined to give it 5 stars since the story had been more or less perfect in every aspect. However, I feel like it's cheap to just say in a review that something doesn't need any sort of change. So, I'll be sharing some of my general and specific thoughts on the story so far.
  The most enjoyable part of the story for me by far is the usage of an unfamiliar language, effortlessly integrating it into the narrative. It's essentially the hook of this story since the premise and motivations seem fairly standard (civil war of a fantasy race, wanting revenge, meeting someone of the opposite race, etc.). And don't misunderstand me when I say "standard" because it doesn't mean bad at all. The concept is not the most important in this story for me because the execution is so incredibly well-written that you're going to be engrossed in the story regardless.
  Style - 5/5.
  What more can I say, really? The prose is very consistent from the start. You could tell that the author has a lot of experience writing already because I really didn't feel like I was reading a web novel. It all felt like it was professionally written. The paragraphs are constructed very well and flowed from one to another seamlessly. The author knows how to give you something to latch onto and keep you on edge until the pay-off. And the music recommendations are immaculate and would highly suggest listening to them while reading.
  Grammar - 4.5/5
  It is not perfect but it damn near is. I'm still a college student so I'm no grammar expert but obviously, there seems to be no work that has 100% perfect grammar because that's just the way it is. There also seems to be a typo at least once or twice per chapter. There's also sentences where I'm not really sure what it's supposed to say, making it hard to visualize (but still giving a great gist of it). HOWEVER, and this is a big however, it doesn't take away from the overall enjoy ONE BIT. The author could bump up the mistakes a bit more and it really would
• SilvarRoyal Road

  ★★★★★ 4.5

  Holy mother of Moses. Lets have a round of applause for all the language work you have done so far in this book. I am truly impressed on the amount of effort you put into it! It seems as tho you are working on writing in a wholly unique language of your own creation, and thats something i dont think i would be capable of doing. Raziel and Aire's journey from cautious younglings meeting on the streets of the warring underground city to traversing the under dark together kept me coming back for more. I really was shocked when Aire protected Raziel from her own father by killing him and such a savage manner was shocking but welcomed. When Raziel finally cast his first spell I was cheering in my seat. There is some polishing that can be done to help it be a little more fluid but a great story that i have enjoyed reading. The one thing I would think about changing is how Raziel was plopped down in the opposing factions war torn town without explaining how or when he got there seemed sorta forced. The way they learned how to overcome all the challenges laid out before them was inspiring and well thought out.