The First Flame

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

In a single night of bloodshed and horror, Iris lost everything. She lost her village, her family, her friends and is alone in this cold world that seeks to only take more from her.

She only has Arylos; an ancient and powerful being trapped in a mortal body. The last of a powerful godlike species beyond imagination, Arylos has nothing left save for a girl whose village was destroyed and he has no one to blame but himself.

And yet these two must find common ground; pushing forward as a duo with only each other to lean on. What could go wrong, besides everything

As machines battle gods and we find ourselves under new skies, the earth crumbles beneath the stars as our reality cries

Information

Status: Cancelled
Year: 2021
Author: Kobayashi

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.2/ 5.0
Followers: 235
Views: 138,696

Chapters(189 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(10)

PakkoRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
The first flame is a good story that hooks you at the beginning with horror elements in the first chapter and then continues to be engaging from there. I really enjoy how the history of the world and its fantastical elements are introduced. The dynamic between Arylos and Iris is well done and follows the tropes in the beginning. The grammar and editing are fine and don't hinder readability. The First Flame overall is an enjoyable story with an interesting premise and should be put on your reading list
Chaos JesterRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Joking aside, The First Flame is a phenomenal read managing to balance the line between serious character and plot driven narrative while maintaining a light, carefree feel. It's honestly stunning to experience, and I was not expecting it to go so well.
Style-wise, it's great. The author sets a great tone of descriptive flow of words as well as not relying too heavily on word dumping. The language and dialogue is clean and the point is clear. I could see where it could possibly not be some people's cups of tea, but I think this story hits enough notes that there's something for everyone.
As far as Grammar is concerned, there are a few things here and there, most notably in dialogue, that is done incorrectly. That being said, there's nothing that takes me out of the story, which is where I focus my grammar reviews on. The author also seems to take any suggested edits into consideration, which is all we can ask in the end.
Main point of improving. When a character speaks a sentence, you still capitalize the first word. You only don't when the sentence is split with a dialogue tag.
The story is stunning. There is something great about reading a story where you can tell that the author knows their world well. From the very start, the world of First Flame begins its development and as the story progresses, you can see the similarities and differences of each area and the people within it. I feel like I could ask the author about anything in their story, and they would immediately have an answer prepared. The plot in and of itself is a beautiful mix of intrigue, action, and light hearted slice of life which I think a lot of readers would truly enjoy.
My focus here will be on the two main characters. The side characters introduced do hold their own place well, but Iris and Arylos are alive in this story in ways a lot of authors struggle with. They come out the gate with hopes, dreams, and regrets and their actions are either justified and true to them, or explained properl
celiaRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
The first 10ish chapters (especially Iris' and Arylos' initial dynamics during their early traveling days) made me cringe a little. Iris' trains of thoughts would always gravitate toward her companion instead of worrying more about herself, her life, and her own future. Like girl, you have just lost everything and everyone you ever know for crying out loud. Focus on yourself more, not some guy you barely know. Like I get it, he's intriguing, but that doesn't mean you can be careless.
Meanwhile, Arylos himself is no better. He's guilt-ridden, yes, but that doesn't explain how his inner monologue always consists of wanting to make her smile and willing to do anything to keep that smile. He met her literally less than 24 hours ago.
Their bond is built a bit too fast, and so it can seem a little forced.
But after a while, it gets better. I began to enjoy the story a lot more starting at around chapter 11-12. I like that Iris gets to come in terms with her powers, and so she grows to become someone who can stand on her own.
Volume 2 focuses more on the growth of their relationship and less on individual powers, so Iris doesn't get a lot of actions. But that's alright. I like how each chapter shows how their bond deepens. It's sweet, albeit with a bit of bitter undercurrent on Arylos' part. But overall it's just wholesome and I love it.
👌🏻👌🏻
MoonlightGardensRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
The opening’s good, the story’s good, the characters are good… Honestly, I don’t have too much to complain about. The author describes the characters’ surroundings and appearances well, as well as keep the reader’s interest through the chapters. There were a few odd bits with grammar mistakes, but it seems like that’s something that gets fixed in later volumes. It bounces between seeming like a casual slice-of-life to one more action-filled, which is a bit disorienting at times.
Sam TolanRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This story is has a pretty basic foundation though it seems to work.
The author had managed to strike a balance between more in-depth characterization and a somewhat focused plot. There was a carefree sensation to reading this, which for me personally was hard to take seriously though I can see how others would enjoy it.
The paragraphs would have done better to be broken up more to make it easier to read. There were times I had to reread to make sure I was getting the right idea of things.
There seems to be quite a bit of descriptions which I appreciate due to my disabilities, and it helps set the scene and characters.
It's not exactly for me, but I can see how others would love this.
Grammar is spotty at times. There are times I am taken out of the story but overall I read to this point.
The story is surprisingly well thought out and was kept me reading. Each area has it's own unique lore but you can see how it connects to each other. It's these kinds of people you can ask anything about their world and get a answer that would make sense.
I did enjoy the characters so far. They seem to be fully formed and alive which I always appreciate.
Overall, I found this story good and I might try it again later on. I feel that potential readers should give it a try and form their own opinions.
WaurpelRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This review is done for "Why I stopped reading your story" and is meant to be read in that context
So first I want to let you know that I'm not stopping at Chapter 5 because I dislike your story THAT much? NO! Quite the opposite, it's the begining of a very GOOD story, but then why did I stop?
I think that you actually already sort of know the reason. Chapter 4 was a very long chapter. Arguably I would say that it should be split into two (or even 3) chapters.
Why does splitting matter? Because I had to take several breaks while reading that chapters (and none of the other) and it made it more difficult to remember where I should be picking up than when I took a break at the end of chapters.
Don't get me wrong I get why you didn't want to split the chapter, but from a reader's perspective it is exhausting and mildly inconvenient. So when I got to chapter 5 (which isn't quite as long, but still twice as long as chapter 1, 2 and 3) I just needed to put the story down and tell myself "I'll get back to it some other time".
Now, does that mean your story was bad? No it's excellent, but reading it in this format feels exhausting to more on-the-go/casual readers (which many WN readers seem to be).
So the question I would recommend you ask yourself is: how many of the people who say "I'll get back to it later" after they get exhausted in the middle of chapter 4-5-6 (which are all very sturdy reads from my glance over) will ACTUALLY come back to read it mid chapter? What I would gamble is: less than if they had finished the chapter they were on and could easily pick up the next one.
Now that I've explained "Why I stopped reading", I want to say that your writting itself is excellent. Great characters, great world-building and great story. My complaints are minimal and really petty:
- Iris reaction to learning her mother is dead (after worrying about it for a good chunk of the chapter) kinda fell flat from her focusing only on her father.
- There's also a couple expressions a
CaxambauRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
I read just a little cause life's been crazy but the characters are really interesting and not rushed out or too clichê, waiting for time to read more. I like the past of the male protagonist and the way he and her partner are together cause both are broken and trying to find their place in this crazy world
KathyRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
There are some interesting elements to this story. The writer has a good instinct for story and clear visuals that are conveyed well. It's definitely action packed. There are just a few things that I think hold it back from higher stars.
First of all, there's a lot of tense and point of view changes in chapters which make it hard to get fully immersed in the story. If the author reads each chapter aloud before publishing it, I think a lot of these tense mistakes would be easily corrected. The omniscient or 'head-hopping' point of view is a little distracting as things move forward. However, narratively, there's good use of description. Grammar was mostly fine aside from the tense changes.
The story is one of the strongest elements. Clearly there has been a good amount of worldbuilding which I think is the most compelling aspect, and good action. I think some emotional beats are missed however which would have made the story even more impactful and gripping in the early stages. That being said, there are some cool ideas in this story and it has a lot of potential.
Character is an aspect I think the writer is learning more of as they go along. The main character isn't really described, and their personality is somewhat contradictory over the initial few chapters. The secondary main character seems to be more the focal point once their introduction to the story kicks off. They feel like they come from an anime which is absolutely fine for what it is, and many appreciate the tone- but people who may not be looking for that should be aware of that going into it.
Overall though, it's got some good worldbuilding, action and desciptions.
TealiciousTeaRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
The style is a little clunky, that is how the story is presented could do with some editing, some craft reading and more practice. Some emotional beats are rushed, two prominent ones in the first chapter is the bad guy's jump from being rejected to raping. The second is Iris' choice to trust Arylos. Now the choices are fine they make sense broadly within the story but how we get to them seems abrupt. How it is presented is rough.
Some sentences don't read as smoothly as they could, etc. The style is perfectly readable and enjoyable but there are enough of these things to merit imo a four-star rating for style.
Story - I felt a little tonal clash between the darkness of what is happening and the romance scenes. It is a hybrid of dark fantasy and romance and at least for the five chapters I read. Both parts work well but there is work that could be done to make the transitions smoother.
The early romance feels believable to me, in terms of romance stories but against the backdrop of the earlier horror, I find it confusing how she is even feeling romantic at all. Where is the grief and numbness, the constant anxiety? It is a romance-based character reacting to horror and a horrific world while within the confines of a romance story and it is a little jarring.
The world and the characters are jamming. If that makes sense?
I don't think this can be changed so it remains just an opinion.
However, this is a long running web novel. Any opinions are on the first five chapters which are usually rough in works like these.
Grammar - I didn't check for errors, the grammatical structures could be smoothed out. Similar to what I said with style but readability is not impacted.
Characters are fun and well thought out, they have dimensions but as I said above how these dimensions are presented is a little rough but it is clear they are there. The characters are likeable, complex but also understandable. Even Arylos is a sympathetic character and we can empathise with him despite how
EnlornderRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
Overall, I feel that the concept and characters are pretty strong and I would've liked to keep reading this story, I really would've! The story starts out a lot slower than I would've liked, two long chapters in and all I knew was about some personal relationships who characters who I can't relate to, a dream, and the main character's uncanny ability to keep track at how many witty conversations she had won.
The grammer was pretty on point and there was rarely something I saw that was grammatically incorrect. The only thing that took me away from the story and what was happening presently were the amount of list items given within a very small range. Starting out in chapter one, there were lists with endless disriptions of how a single thing was suppose to look and took me away form what I was suppose to be paying attneiton to. As a reader, I like to be given credit to know what the author means instead of having them go over it many times in mnay different ways to make sure I'm thinking what they're thinking
I feel like this is a book that will be really interesting once you get past that set up and introduction, but for me, I don't have that time when I have an array of stories I can choose from who get right to the punch on setting me and the characters on an adventure. Keep up the good work, but I'd like to see this move a bit faster :)