The Development
Community Rating
Description
My name is Lu J King, everyone calls me by my nickname LuJay. I got a message one day tell me that I would be abducted off the planet, asking me what super powers and magic I wanted in a multiple choice format while also telling me to simultaneously to fuck off. At times, the choices gave me hope, and other times it would get me into so much trouble. I’m not an emo, but this emotional rollercoaster wasn’t something I was expecting. I don’t miss home, I ruined my own family because of my own greed. I had everything I ever wanted, then one day I lost it all and became a hermit on Earth. On this new planet, I started off as a hermit… Well I just started this escapade. Join me in this game-like fantasy world filled with magic and monsters.
Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Year
- 2017
- Author
- skaviouz
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 3.8/ 5.0
- Followers
- 12
- Views
- 2,317
Chapters(2 total)
Reviews
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Community Reviews(1)
- Allister HaleRoyal Road★★★ 3.0I gave the story a higher score than it deserves at Chapter 1 (scum) to show that I am hopeful for what's to come.
as for the style score, ignoring grammar completely your writting needs a lot of work. It is clunky and poorly worded. I would suggest that when you proof read you take the time to read it out loud with a focus on making it more fluent and interesting sounding.
as for grammar you need to work on you tense and perspective. I would suggest you use past tense with third person limited perspective as I find they are both easier to write in and provide a more interesting narrative overall.
as for characterization I don't feel like your understand your character. Based on what you provided us for his background he should be aware of how hard it is to survive in a desert and would know that his no knowledge/desert combination is a death sentence. Also I can appreciate that you understand that a lack of a language functions as a mental disability but I'm not sure why you would chose to limit yourself in such a way except as a personal writting challenge.
if you can fix your tense and perspective issues I will be happy with what you have right now. Keep up the good work and do a little better to overcome your fault, I'm looking foreword to what comes next.