The Demon of Shadows (Hiatus)

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

Spartans.

Genetically modified supersoldiers who participated in the spartan program, which aimed to reinforce and compensate for the humans capability of emotion in order to create the ideal supersoldier. The program itself resulting in the implantation of a limiter for a certain individual, which acted in limiting that persons emotions. Replacing it with a cold logical based calculative mindscape. The limiter aimed to support the ideal supersoldier in completing the objectives assigned to them. Be it mass slaughter, or assasination.

One such man who had volunteered to participate in the program to provide data in return for a large sum of money to save a precious friend, has his life lost in battle after years of service and mindless violence.

Death, however, was something he usually gave, not to receive.

So when death comes to take his life, he awaits in silence, only to be dumbfounded at what is to happen next.

This is the story of Nicholas Gray, the Shadow Demon.

Note:Story is based on other LitRPGs found on the site such as Dante's Immortality, Necromancer and Co, etc. and on Halo for the majority of the first chapter and possibly later on down the road, I only borrowed things such as the armour and weapons used in the game itself and all credit goes to them for that kind of stuff. I will also perhaps use it to explain his backstroy to further character progression if I can.

The cover photo was also a picture I found on the internet and if you wish for credit or for me to take it down just say so and i'll do it as fast as possible.

I also don't have a set schedule, and this is just being used to improve my grammar and just as a hobby, nothing more. I will also appreciate feedback in regards to grammar, style, and story in general as this is the first time I have created a story apart from at school, hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2017
Author: AtK

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.1/ 5.0
Followers: 382
Views: 123,092

Reviews

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Community Reviews(5)

JuliusSneezerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
This is something that is on par with the other trending fantasy and action stories on this site, a great LitRPG. It even gives me the same vibes as the currently paused book: “The Forgotten Conqueror”.
SparrtoiRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
I'm so glad I found this here. Halo was part of my childhood and having someone write about a Spartan in a fantasy setting, one of my favorite themes (yes sci-fi is another one), caught my attention. I mean, we have a futuristic supersoldier transported into a medieval, monster filled world ... it's gonna be a wild ride!
Also note that while the MC might come from a rather futuristic world, he brings little of his technology to the new world nor is he reborn exactly human (demon), so he'll be starting from scratch as a different entity.
SwooshieRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
For a 9th grader to have this level of writing skills is something to be applauded already. As a guy who is a sucker for the LitRPG genre, I must say that this story and the amount of work poured into it by the creator is already commendable. English is not my primary language. And although some of the sentences need some work, I could right away understand the general flow and vibe of the story. I am mostly looking forward to the writers growth and could really see him do some more magic in the future. Continue writing and dont stop!
UrielRoyal Road
★★★★ 4.0
I have two small problems. I don't think the author fully understands how to use italics, I have a quote from chapter 19 here
'As you can see, they were mostly a righteous group of adventurers, a new group of adventurers. So they hadn’t faced true monsters or had felt the loss of another within their group.'
Pretty much none of these words actually need to be put in italics, but the author just decides that any word that has the slightest hint of emotion in it needs to be stressed?
I know its not that big a deal but it makes the story annoying to read when your having to stress words in your mind that don't belong there.
My second problem is transition from PoV's and the past and present. Perhaps instead of saying PoV change, saying the name of the character you're changing it to would fit into the story more, and instead of saying flashback you should say "20 years ago..." or "5 years ago..."
It would make the story smoother is all. Otherwise you're an awesome writer and this is an awesome story, thanks for sharing it.
mioRoyal Road
★★★ 3.0
i'll start with the bad stuff;
your biggest problem, imho, is that you keep adding stuff to your text to make it fancy.
but then you add it 2-3 times in the same block of text, making it really difficult to read. expressions like "that is" and "of sorts" are the easy examples.
adding those multiple times in one sentence doesn't make you seem smart, it makes you seem like you have alzheimers and keep repeating yourself because you simply forgot you said it already.
really bad habit. completely ruins the flow of your story.
the story itself is good though, which makes this even more of a sad thing.
that brings me to the good stuff;
i like your idea, the story is ok, and except for your cringeworthy and exaggerated use of words, the grammar itself is quite good.
it is a commendable level of skill for your age, so a bit of work and i'm sure your story will have an impressive following.
i hope you get something out of this revieuw, and manage to get better at writing, since your idea for the story is quite good, and your characters are crafted well.
p.s. don't take my revieuw badly, if i really hated it, i wouldn't even bother leaving one. i only leave one because i like it and hope these few problems can be resolved so it can grow to be even better.