The blood wars

Self-Published

Community Rating

Description

When she's abandoned at the airport by her mother with only a one-way ticket, cash, and a suitcase of items. Lexy finds life iscruelerthan she thought. Taking her one-way ticket to go to a strange mansion and an even stranger forest.

Information

Status: Hiatus
Year: 2021
Author: Theunkownuser24

Royal Road Stats

Rating: 4.5/ 5.0
Followers: 33
Views: 11,354

Chapters(35 total)

Reviews

No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Community Reviews(5)

BullerRoyal Road
★★★★★ 5.0
Is what it needs. I can see promise with this one. The story is pretty great, the characters actually made sense for me this time around, and it's balanced perfectly.
... But with the style, I think things start taking a bit of a down-turn. The sentence structure doesn't resonate with me, to the point where I have to reread some parts. Would I read it regardless? Yes. Would I like it all? No. I recommend some minor editing here and there. 5/5
Arthur-67Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
This story does have potential and could be a 5/5, it had its good parts and should be read but I also have one or two suggestions for improvement.
The grammar is probably the weakest part, there are a few issues with missing caps, words and punctuation, a lot of which i have pointed out early on so the author may make this a non-issue for the next reader. It could do with a proofread just to check for these.
Now onto better things. The style is consistent, used past tense and follows Lexy's pov. Its nice and easy to read, with good pacing and maintaining a consistent and enjoyable read. Plus the author favours embedding details masterfully into the scene/dialogue without info dumps or heavy exposition so that's wonderful.
These are often small and add some nice descriptions and imagery.
There are a few bits that i personally don't favour but that might just be a personal preference- the use of all caps for emphasis 'I WILL, AMAZING' personally these just drag me out of my focus in the story. Sometimes there is a little over explanation, a paragraph to show taking a pill is a little much. Overuse of the name Lexy, you sometimes favour just using the name and switching it up with she, her etc. Switching it up could help reduce repetition.
They are minor things and possibly personal preference but without them i would probably have jumped the score up alot.
I found the MC likable and easy to route for, she does definitely outshine the other characters we have met. But great on and keppig her well written.
Overall great work
Blind_WatcherRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
On the whole, I think this story does most things quite well, so bear in mind that my criticisms are more in the intent of suggesting improvements or areas to work on, rather than for the sake of it. I wouldn't have given such a high rating, if I didn't feel like 'The blood wars' didn't deserve it.
So, first off, the style and grammar issues actually coincide, so I will discuss them together. Predominantly an issue in the earlier chapters, but still present later on, is the issue of over referencing characters names in descriptive text. Breaking it up a little more by substituting in he/she a little more frequently could really help reduce the stlted nature of some of the early descriptive elements in the story. The dialogue sections are also missing punctuation and capitalization, which isn't a big deal for most people, but really impacts the readability in TTS.
That's pretty much all my criticisms, working at those two things will show some real results for story flow, so when you have the time, I would reccomend doing a low stress editing pass.
Go with the flow or caught up in the moment characters arent for everyone, but I actually quite like them. Not every protagonist can set goals in the heat of the moment, most people will understandably try to get a handle on thigns before even attempting to do soemthing crazy. This does mean that the plot for the story is slower, but I like that too. It's much more a matter of preference rather than being write or wrong, good or bad.
There defintiely seems to be depth to the world and setting. I also really appreciate that that author hasn't just exposition dumped everywhere, and has instead organically introduced important details through dialogue instead. Definitely my preferred method for being delivered exposition.
This story may not be for everyone, but I definitely think it worth reading the first few chapters to see if you enjoy it or not. You never know, The blood wars, may be exactly what you were looking for.
PhantasmicErrorRoyal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
First things first.
The story is lengthy. And I mean, lengthy in terms of each release, one needs sustained concentration to follow through it.
Now, onto the story content:
Interesting premise, a girl that can travel between and wields magic, it's kind of like planeswalking (if you're a magic the gathering like me) but so far she's only traveled from Reality A to Reality B (maybe it's just one world planewalking for a lack of a better word)
The first 2 chapters are mainly about her and her mother before she gets sent off to her temporary guardian. Which, once she's there, she starts finding weird things happening to her, visions, people who cannot be seen by other (not ghosts)
She gets captured by said otherworlders one night. It's then did she realize she has this ability to move between worlds and teleport.
General idea of the novel (as of what I've read) :
The new world has 7 races. Of which they have their own political history, supposedly MC gets involved with it by chance.
It is notable that Theunknownuser24 tries her best in oblige to the "show don't tell" writing rule. That being said, the lore/history of the otherworld is being conveyed via text dialogue (I think it is clever, but not many might enjoy lengthy sentences)
My own criticism for the story:
Main character is riding through the motions for the most part when it comes to story transitions and such.
Don't get me wrong, Lexy is a sassy, snappy and in-your-face type of gal that makes a great friend. She's helpful, easy going (depending on who you are to her, rightfully so).
However, if one is looking through the lens of "how do I relate to this girl?" or "why does she do A, B or C" it would be difficult to pinpoint a reason why due to her still being in the "character development stages" where she goes along with others, speak to others in this unknown world despite not knowing anything
( no hate against Lexy, just that, different people have different personalities you know?)
Then there's story, ther
_Fowl_Royal Road
★★★★★ 4.5
Let's start by saying that the pacing is good. The initial scenes evoke curiosity since we are thrown in an unsure situation.
However, the first pitfall is that the dialogue feels a bit off. The inner voices of Lexy and her Mother are a bit of a stereotype. It's one of those dialogues authors write as they think they should sound in a book, more than how they would sound in reality.
The second chapter lacks a bit in speed, but the third makes up for that.
It's a world of mystery and mythological creatures. Hydras and drakes make it quite interesting to guess what kind of world we are setting this up for exactly.
Going forward, it has a sligth HP feeling, in a good way. Thinking about it, it has one from the start. One thing that puts you off a bit is the info dump; honestly, sometimes it feel a little forced even if you get the story through dialogue. However, it's not a big deal.
The pace is consistent and I have nothing to complain about it.
A general and vague recommendation: this story would be way better with a proper editor.
Story: the general idea is good and introduced bit by bit. The author has a sure handle on how and when to show you stuff.
Style: probably the worst out of all 4 categories. It does not mean it's BAD, but just not that good. Again, an editor would go a long way in turning this from a 3.5 to a full fledged 5. The main reason for this being the flow of the narration stopping or picking up too much speed at once.
Characters: I think they are heavily influenced by the style, therefore not having enough space to shine. A couple comments pointed how the author shows and does not tell; I would say that the author could tell a little bit more to make the overall experience more pleasurable. If he's using the characters to show too much, they start becoming puppets without a voice. Not the case here, but there is still a chance of that the more we go forward.
Grammar: nothing to complain. I may have seen a couple typos but that was it.
I focused a