The amazing arcade
Self-Published
Community Rating
Description
In an inconspicuous town, a new arcade has opened up. The arcade showcases many strategy and skill games. When you win games, you can get tickets to exchange into prizes. The prizes include candy, toys, stationery, and strangely... the most expensive things are 8 rings...
Inspired byThe Candy Shop War, Book 2: Arcade Catastrophe by Brandon Mull
(My first book.)
Information
- Status
- Hiatus
- Year
- 2022
- Author
- Master_LandX
Royal Road Stats
- Rating
- 5.0/ 5.0
- Followers
- 3
- Views
- 431
Chapters(3 total)
Reviews
No reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!
Community Reviews(1)
- WeavervaleRoyal Road★★★★★ 5.0Review
Okay initial thoughts on 3 pages. Please keep in mind that none of this is a personal attack and this is meant to make you a better writer.
Easy fixes.
Post your posting schedule. When can I expect the next chapter? Put that in the fiction page(edit it and set a doable posting schedule) my new thing is to suggest thst authors finish a whole book, arc or manuscript before posting anything but give the readers a date to expect new stuff.
Next.
Rr gives you the ability to go ahead and make a box of just authors notes(see my recent Chapters to see how) you can edit that to change it. This is for chapter one only. I see you did that better in chapter 1.
Alright. There are no major grammar issues, but everything that I am about to post next is also stuff that I struggled with.
You have a severe white room problem. Here's a wonderful person explaining it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyuujXPPFC8
In other words I had no Visualization of the characters whatsoever. That's okay, but then usually you want to differentiate them by some other way, usually in their speech or diction.
A classic example of this is dominic from the fast the the furious movies. I feel like his character is saying "family" over and over again.
If you have read stormlight, then anytime a herdazian character speaks, you know. So maybe make one speak like the lopen.
I do this in Riverfolk with the character stone, he speaks in one way to some characters and in one way to others.
To fix this, think about how you could describe them differently.
I will here suggest brandon Sandersons lecture series in its entirety.
I do not understand the promise of the premise here..where is this story going? What do these rich kids want and why can't they get it? Are they competent? Are they proactive? They seem likeable? Fix their competence, proactivity, and likeability on a on a 0-10.
Hit me up for an advance review once you hit 10k words.