Starve the end: before the system apocalypse, an akasha story

Information

Status

Hiatus

Author

Clive_Adkins

Reviews

Community Reviews(1)

• MalevolenceMauRoyal Road

  ★★ 1.5

  Heads up: I did talk to the author before posting this review, and they truly wanted some feedback and parts of where they want wrong. Hopefully, it is known that I am not trying to attack or bash the author and their work.
  Style: The story had a somewhat strong beginning, though that is only comparative to the later chapters (3+). A third-person perspective about a man either remembering something or going through a scene, it's hard to tell at first. Conversation and descriptions are in-depth but a lot of emphases is placed on some parts whereas others are only given a few words. With some introduction to substance abuse and possible capture, the story doesn't stray away from difficult topics.
  The author has a weird trend of changing the return spaces used in their story, from single to double and even triple at times. Sometimes they keep the dialogue tags on the same line whereas others give them a whole separate line. Descriptive text for actions that follow or proceed dialogue also changes between being on the same line or the line thereafter. As the story continues on there is nary a paragraph over 3 lines long, instead of splitting up needlessly.
  Story: I really could not tell you what this story is about most of the time, the introduction is so weirdly designed and told to the reader that it's hard to understand. Some chapters feel like they've been written months apart, and one of the Author notes even says a chapter was put to the side at one point. From what seemed to be a war-torn scene to a 1-month prior notice about being in school and riding in a car for 2 chapters.
  The flow is really broken up but the style choices, and the flashback scenes, combined with a car ride that features way too much in the story when not a lot is established.
  Grammar: Constant misuse of upper and lower case letters for non-nouns, the beginning of sentences, as well as seemingly randomised. I found several spelling mistakes too, alongside the wrong quotation marks and punctua